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    Free Essay
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    Transformational counseling

     

    Transformational Counseling is a process of assisting others to transform their lives. Transformational Counseling is a process of assisting others in their reinventing themselves, of creating a life that they love and living it powerfully. Transformational Counseling is a process of creating a space for others to get present to or become aware of their self limiting belief, to create or invent a possibility for themselves and their life that could not have existed before and to learn how to be in their possibilities as opposed to being that which has always stopped them in the past. The development of transformational counseling has been the result of my work in counseling, psychotherapy, coaching, hypnosis, neuro linguistic programming, the work of Louise Hay and especially Landmark Education. To understand and be able to utilize the technology of Transformational Counseling with others, of being able to make a true difference in another person’s life, requires that one understand or get certain concepts or distinctions about what it is to be a human being and reality itself. While the distinctions of Transformational Counseling are initially presented separately, it is in their practice or communication with another that a true synergy is reached and it’s potential or power actualized for the client. For the counselor as well as the client the synergistic learnings that take place within Transformational Counseling is nonlinear in nature. The clients that I work with are all experiencing a loss of power, freedom and full self-expression in one or many of the various domains of their life. The clients that I see are all being stopped in living a life that they love and living it powerfully. If they continue being as they have been being nothing will change, life will be as it has always been. They will remain stuck and unable to reach their true potential in life. The clients that I coach or counsel know that something needs to be different in their life but are unsure of what that something is all about, of what is not working, of what is missing, of what needs to happen. It is in assisting a client to discover or become present to that which has been causing their depression, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and to learn how to create a new way of being that the work of Transformational Counseling is all about. One of the fundamental distinctions of Transformational Counseling is that our thoughts are very important, if not the most important component of what it is to be a human being. We tend to believe that the external world, or what we commonly believe to be reality, is that which is truly important. As a result of such a belief, we are constantly engaged in trying to change something in the external world, constantly believing that this type of activity will bring us true happiness and contentment in our life. Within Transformational Counseling, it is our thoughts or thinking that is of immense importance to us and our process of living. It is our thoughts and thinking patterns that literally shape or determine our feelings, behavior, experiences and our reality. More specifically, it is our thoughts that we have about ourselves that tends to create or shape our experiences, that forms the background of our life and our sense of reality. It is from the thoughts that we initially create about ourselves that we subsequently develop into a belief about who we think we are, our self-image, of how we define our very being and it is from this belief that we live our life. A belief is merely a thought that we think is true or real, that expresses some sense of ontology. Inside the conversation of Transformational Counseling it is also important to understand that we are truly responsible for the thoughts that we have, including and especially those that we have about ourselves. We literally invent or create all of our thoughts including those that we have about ourselves and with them our feelings and behaviors. To truly get our responsibility in how we create our experiences or reality is to also get how we create or invent all of our thoughts about ourselves and with it our reality. Reality itself has no meaning outside of what we give it. We are, as human beings, meaning making machines, beings that wrap meaning around everything in our life, including and most importantly about ourselves. Being responsible for our thoughts, getting it that we create them, is completely different from the experience of guilt or blame. It is not that we are to blame for our experiences but merely that we do create what we think about ourselves, who we think we are, how we feel about ourselves and how the world appears to us. There is a distinction between responsibility and blame or guilt. What we tend to think about ourselves has at its core what can be referred to as our self-limiting belief. The self-limiting belief is a thought that we have about who we think we are, that defines our identity at its core, a belief that was developed between the ages of three to six approximately. During this time frame in our journey through life something happened, an event took place and it is from that event that we developed or created a thought or belief about ourselves. The original event is not so much of importance as the fact that we created a belief about ourselves, a belief that has actually limited us in life. The self-limiting belief is a sense of inadequacy, an idea or thought that something is wrong with us, that something is broken. Once this self-limiting belief is created or invented we tend to live our lives as if it were true. Our self-limiting belief is a fundamental, core belief that we have about ourselves, about who we think we are, that creates our feelings about ourselves, affects our behavior and determines our experiences. Our self-limiting belief affects our behavior in that we are constantly trying to fix it. For example, if ones self-limiting belief is that the individual is “not enough”, that person will constantly try to be “enough”, constantly be doing things to compensate for what or who they think they are. While an individual is constantly attempting to fix it, the self-limiting belief is also in the process of fulfilling upon itself, of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, of causing the person to be “not enough.” Given the fact that ones self-limiting belief is hidden from them, from their view, we are not aware of its existence or its affect on our life, of its influence or impact on our life. Even though it is not true, not real, we believe it to be so and as a result the self limiting belief is that which keeps us stuck, keeps us living in the past, prevents us from living a life that we love and living it powerfully. Our self-limiting belief is in a very real sense our personal affirmation, an affirmation that is embedded in our “self talk”, an affirmation that determines how we tend to feel about ourselves, an affirmation that guides and determines our behavior in life, that defines our very way of being and how we appear to the world. The first goal of Transformational Counseling is to assist an individual in becoming present to his or her self-limiting belief, of bringing it into ones awareness. It is this distinction or awareness of ones self-limiting belief that is crucial to his or her transformation. Without such awareness ones future will be as it has been, will be what can be referred to as the “probable almost certain future”. Without such awareness, ones future will merely be the past and even with a constant attempt on the individual’s part to fix the self-limiting belief, his or her life will merely be to continue with its fulfillment and actualization in their experiences and life. Awareness of ones self limiting belief can be gotten by the person experiencing its genesis or the originating event and with it the belief that the person invented or created about themselves at that time. An individual can also become present to the self-limiting belief by monitoring his or her spoken word. The self-limiting belief exists in our language, in the words we say or speak. Mirror work will also facilitate this type of awareness as ones self-limiting belief exists inside the feelings that one will become present as the individual observes his or her image. Regression can also be utilized to assist one in getting the genesis of his or her self-limiting belief. Once one becomes present to his or her self-limiting belief, the opportunity then exists, possibly for the first time in the person’s life, to invent a possibility for his or her life, to begin to reinvent his or her life anew. An individual’s possibility is how that person will be in the present, free of the constraints or barriers of the past, a creation from nothing. Within Transformational Counseling, an individual’s possibility is a new or different way of thinking about himself or herself, of who they are, of who they will be. Like the individual’s self-limiting belief, a person’s possibility is a personal affirmation or declaration. Like a person’s self limiting belief, an individual’s possibility also exists in language, and once generated by the individual, will begin to create or invent his or her experiences and sense of reality through the power of his or her thoughts and word. Unlike a person’s self limiting belief, an individual’s possibility will allow him or her to create a life that they truly love and be able to live it powerfully. The third component of Transformational Counseling has to do with the individual learning what Landmark Education refers to as the process of enrollment. Given that a person will either live life as his or her possibility or their self-limiting belief, there will be a tendency for a person to go back to or stay in his or her self-limiting belief. This is what is very familiar to us, that is, being our self-limiting belief in our daily life. Learning the process of enrollment will assist the individual in being able to get out of his or her self-limiting belief and back into their possibility. When we have a breakdown, we have gone back into being our self-limiting belief and as we do so will truly experience a loss of power, freedom and full expression that is from the past. It is in our breakdowns that we are being inauthentic, that the self-limiting belief becomes hidden again. The process of enrollment allows the person to become authentic about how he or she has been being inauthentic, to again become present to his or her self-limiting belief, and in the process to continue generating his or her possibility or invent a new one for themselves and their life. The implementation or practice of Transformational Counseling with a client takes place inside a conversation about integrity. Integrity is simply planning your work and working your plan. Clients are encouraged to develop a written plan, a plan for their daily life. A written plan allows the client to take on creating or reinventing themselves and their life in a new way that supports their wellness. Implementing ones plan also allows them to confront that which has always stopped them in the past. As clients begin the process of fulfilling on their plan, of working it, of living the life that they desire, they will have a tendency to get stopped, to have a breakdown and as they do so will develop an inauthenticity, living life as they once did, from the backdrop of the self-limiting belief. It is in working with a client and his or her plan through the enrollment process that he or she has the opportunity to learn how to get out of their self-limiting belief and back into their possibility and truly transform their life. For the client the process of enrollment is the practice of continuing to experience a true sense of power, freedom and full self-expression. It is through staying in and working with ones integrity that a person will have the opportunity to stay committed to living a life that they love and living it powerfully. The conversations that take place with a client are conducted within the language used through my personal training and development with Landmark Education. These conversations are done so by design. While it is important for a client to begin to act and behave differently, it is crucial that they begin to think differently too. The language used in Landmark Education is unfamiliar and tends to create a space, at least initially, of confusion. This confusion acts as a pattern disruption for the client, causing him or her to start to seriously question what is being said, the meaning of the conversation. It is through this confusion and questioning by the client that they will have the opportunity to become present to their very thought process, to that which has been the true cause in the matter for them, to that which has been creating their experiences and their sense of reality, especially as it applies to how they have been thinking about themselves, the basis of how they have been being and way of life. As the client begins to live a life of transformation it is also important that the counselor or coach be very present to the client’s tendency to acknowledge or thank them for their assistance. As a counselor or coach I let the client know that I can not fix or help them, that they must do this work if they are to live a life that they love and live it powerfully. In my work with clients I make a stand for the client to assume total and complete responsibility with true empowerment as the goal. To step over the client acknowledging the coach or counselor is essentially the same as encouraging a client to use a blame pattern. As with blaming, thanking another for this type of work does not allow the client to truly get it that he or she is the cause in the matter and in both instances the client will not experience his or her true sense of power, freedom and full self expression. The client is truly responsible for transforming their life and it is vital to the process that they get this completely. Transformational Counseling is an extremely powerful technique for assisting others in making a true difference in their life. For a client it is a gradual awakening to that which has truly been the cause in the matter, to that which has created and shaped their thoughts, feelings, behavior, experiences and sense of reality. To assist a client in being able to stand in their possibility, of being the possibility of “acceptance, freedom and creativity”, as opposed to their self-limiting belief, of being “not enough”, will allow that individual to live a life that they love and live it powerfully. When used in conjunction with other techniques, such as mirror work, positive affirmations, therapeutic relaxation music, self-hypnosis and NLP patterns, a space is created for a client to transform his or her life forever. In addition to learning the fundamental distinctions and process of Transformational Counseling, it is also important for the counselor or coach to have an experiential understanding of this technology. To truly make a stand for a client and be able to make a difference for another will necessitate that the counselor have gotten his or her self-limiting belief, have invented new possibilities for himself or herself and also to have learned the process of enrollment. Being able to assist another in the process of transformation can only be achieved when the counselor or coach is in his or her own personal transformation. For me this journey started when I enrolled in the Landmark Forum. It was through experiencing the Forum and the curriculum that followed that the process of transformation began for me as a counselor and more importantly as a human being. Within the conversation of transformation we are merely human beings assisting other human beings to transform their lives, to live a life that they love and to live it powerfully. Harry Henshaw, Ed. D., LMHC enhancedhealing

         
    Try these anger management techniques

     

    Do you find yourself becoming angry at the least little thing? Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper unnecessarily again. Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances around to see how you would want to be treated if the other person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and cause external damage. You also can try traditional anger management techniques to soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten, before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to think about the best approach to a problem rather than responding with random anger. Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five - or ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the more popular and useful anger management techniques. Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more anger management techniques used by thousands. Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like anger-management-information (site is not complete yet) for more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your breast.

         
    Unreasonable requests

     

    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." -- George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionists It is probably the number two task of leadership -- asking. You ask people to do things, and when they do -- well, stuff happens. But what really extends your ability to make big things happen is asking for things that are "unreasonable." What is unreasonable? Asking people for things you have no right to expect from them, which under ordinary circumstances, you would expect them to say, "no." But asking anyway. The trick is to expect them to say yes, and not worry about whether they do or they don’t. Create a game in your business. The game is for everyone to continually be unreasonable in what they ask of each other. And not just internally -- externally as well. Include all your stakeholders in this game. (You choose whether or not to tell them about it the game.) Do you think this game could rocket your project forward? If making requests is not a normal activity for most people in businesses, unreasonable requests are doubly abnormal. Most of us don’t want to risk rejection -- so we ask for small things, easy things, wimpy things, and make it easy for people to say yes. Keeping your requests small is a good strategy if you are no-o-phobic, but it limits your results. The action in your business is moved forward in direct proportion to the size of your requests, so to move things along quickly, you have to ask big. Think of what changes would make your requests unreasonable. Whatever you were going to ask for, ask for more. Whenever you wanted it, ask for it sooner. Whatever you were willing to pay or trade, ask for it for less, or free. You get the idea. Make your requests larger. Bigger. Faster. Cheaper. Outrageouser. Make them unreasonable.

         
    Ways to improve your lifestyle

     

    Are you looking at ways to improve your lifestyle? Are you bored in your current role of employment? Do you think you could be achieving a lot more than you are at the moment? Are you seeking a new challenge? In this article, I give advice on how people can go about improving their lifestyle, this advice is based from my own personal experiences. I believe that we should always be looking into ways of expanding our knowledge and should never just accept second best. The brain is very powerful and loves to be set a new challenge or to a learn a new task. It is what keeps it alive and ticking over. I am sure that we have all heard of the phrase, I think this job is making me brain dead. This is where someone has a role in employment that is not challenging them or their brain, and this can lead them into a state of boredom and even depression. Their mind and brains are desperate for something to get to grips with and something to test them. I am always looking into finding new areas of life which I can learn about. Just recently I have been attempting to educate myself on the ins and outs of website promotion. This is something which is of great interest to me and I wanted to find out about how you can increase the amount of visitors you have to a website. I have spent a great deal of time studying this area and even though I feel that I have learnt a great deal, I would love to know a lot more. What I like about website promotion and website marketing is that the search engines are constantly changing their ideas of how best to rank a site, as they are fighting a constant battle against spam. This certainly keeps me on my toes. One thing I have learnt in this and other fields is that hard work pays off and if you attempt to defraud the search engines you are more than likely going to be found out. That is a good thing in my opinion. I also like to help out people on a voluntary basis. This is something I would advise other people to do if they have the spare time as it can give you a real buzz knowing that you are helping somebody and it also keeps you busy. A lot of people who have too much time on their hands can easily find themselves becoming restless and this can lead them into thinking too much. These thoughts are normally worrying about something or other which of course is not very healthy or productive. The people I help out on a voluntary basis are my parents who run a form of animal sanctuary from their home. My parents are both in the sixties and struggle to look after the many animals that live with them. I normally spend around twenty hours a week at their house, cleaning out and feeding the fifty rabbits, walking the dogs and feeding the cats. It is not exactly the most interesting of things to do, but I know that it is helping take some of the burden away from my mother and father. In the past I have also attended evening study classes. This again is where I am trying to improve my knowledge and is something of course that I can include on my c. v. It is also a great way of meeting new people which is something I like to do. In conclusion there are many ways in which we can become happier and more contented. Our life does not have to be boring and mundane, there is always options out there of how we can go about improving our lifestyle. Good luck.

         
    Well loved how to get rid of what you don t want

     

    I’m appreciating used things. I got a great gas barbecue on Freecycle; a practically new John Deere lawnmower for $50; a beautiful Le Creuset cast iron shelf from a friend’s basement, a lovely leather purse from the thrift shop. They feel like blessings. I get all the joy of something new plus an extra kick of getting it for nothing or practically so. I’m typing this on a computer I bought used that’s sitting on a desk I got at a yard salee to think of it, I also inherited this chair from some previous office and I’m drinking from a water bottle I’ve refilled a bunch of times. Brand new, pristine, still in the wrapper has its appeal too of course. But throwing away perfectly good stuff bugs me. I wish it were easier to get something to a good home during that whirlwind of purging that comes upon us. I use all my energy cleaning out the junk room and have nothing left for separating the things for Goodwill from the load for the dump. At that point I want the detritus gone. Now. I see that desire to be rid of the unwanted in my clients, and in myself. We want to be different, better, changed. And we want it now. A new job, a new body, a new relationship, a new way of living. I want what I don’t have, and what I have I don’t want. There is no shortage of experts to tell us how to change. As a coach I probably fall into that category. But I don’t have a whizbang new approach—the Seven Steps to a whole new you. I believe you’re pretty darned fabulous exactly as you are and that all meaningful transformation starts with acceptance. Accept yourself. Recycled advice? Yes. When you’re dissatisfied and stuck it can sound pretty useless. “Get me out of here!” You’d rather be any place else. But here and now is all there is. Loving and forgiving what is has got to be the first step. Take a deep breath and bear with me for a moment here. You’re changing a state of mind. Here’s how to do it: 1. Describe your current reality. What’s really true? What’s not working? What is? What part do you want to make sure you keep in the future? What assumptions have you made that aren’t checked out? Whose definition of valuable are you using? What are the immediate challenges and which are more long term? 2. How is this working on your behalf? Suspend disbelief for a moment and pretend that the aspect you want to change is actually serving you in some twisted way. For example, the asshole boss is creating the impetus for you to leave a job you should have left years ago; the health emergency is a wake up call; the break up is a clear decision when you were ambivalent. Put aside the unpleasant feelings for a moment and imagine a new way of looking at the same set of circumstances—a way in which you benefit instead of being a victim. 3. Forgive. This can be a tough one, but it’s the most powerful. I’ve found that if I start where I am (unpleasant state—hurt, angry, etc) I can take baby steps that get me to real acceptance. Here’s a possible progression: I forgive you for being a stupid jerk. I forgive you for saying such an insensitive thing. I forgive you for hurting my feelings. I forgive you for not realizing that I was expecting you. I forgive you for not reading my mind. I forgive myself for expecting you to. I forgive myself for overreacting. I forgive myself for not saying what I want. I forgive myself for not seeing my responsibility here. It’s the acceptance, the ownership that gives you permission to let it go—whether we’re talking about anger or extra weight or a snakeskin vinyl raincoat. It’s not a question of judgment—keep the good and get rid of the bad. We’re a spectrum—a combination of choices that sometimes looks like a masterpiece and sometimes like mud. It’s not that red has no value. It just may not belong in your picture right now. Maybe someone else can use it. That’s why we have consignment stores and Ebay.

         
    What are you tolerating

     

    Imagine having more energy or more time to focus on the things you really want. Imagine being able to move forward in your life without some of your current stress. Doesn’t that sound good? We all have things in our life that we just put up with or tolerate, for example, a cluttered desk, a messy closet, a squeaky door, a sloppy significant other or child, even STRESS. While the tolerations may not seem to be a big deal on the surface…don’t be fooled, they are! Tolerations drain us of valuable energy. They prevent us from moving forward. They are a distraction and they waste time, time that could be spent on something proactive and productive. What are you tolerating and how are those tolerations serving you? There is no better time then the present to become free of draining tolerations!! Here is an exercise that will help you get a handle on those things that are draining you... 1) Make a list of all the things you feel you are currently tolerating. 2) Once you have your list in hand, go over it and look for the pivotal tolerations. A pivotal toleration, when removed, removes other tolerations with it. 3) Look at what is causing your tolerations and be sure to remove the cause or the root of the toleration. (A toleration is like a weed, if you do not remove the root, the toleration will just return.) 4) If your toleration list feels overwhelming, again first look for all the pivotal tolerations, transferring three or four to a new list. Breaking your list down into bite-sized pieces will help it become more manageable and less overwhelming. I would also like to offer you a bit of personal support. If you are not sure where to start in pinpointing your tolerations or you need support in developing an action plan to remove your tolerations, please e-mail me ([email protected]). I will be more than happy to provide you with a free 30 minute coaching session to help identify and take action against those tolerations that are draining you. Energy-filled living here we come! © 2006 – What’s Within U. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of content allowed, but must contain a link to What’s Within U ( whatswithinu), copyright notice, and author’s name.

         
    What does it mean to be an expatriate part 2 how to choose your paradise

     

    As mentioned in Part 1, there are some countries that are very popular now amongst the expat community. They all have their own appeal and it can be quite confusing and stressful deciding as to where to start. My proposed 10-step program is designed to help you decide on a country you would like to make your paradise. Make a list of the world’s top overseas havens. Step 2: Write down a list of your personal preferences and priorities. Write them down in order of priority. The list may include things such as climate, cost of living, taxes, culture, language, healthcare, accessibility to your home country infrastructure and government incentives for foreign investors. Step 3: Consider the pros and cons of each of these countries according to your priorities. Make a tally sheet for each country. Step 4: With the information you have gathered, limit your choice down to 3 countries. >Step 5: My next step and motto is always: “Try before you buy”, so plan to spend time in each of the countries chosen. Step 6: While you are in each of the countries use your time wisely and look into, living costs costs, employment or business possibilities, transport means, education standards, schools, personal safety issues, postal services and banking services, Internet availability etc. Step 6: Meet with seasoned expatriates who are living and working in the country. Step 7: Look at as many properties for sale as you can. Step 8: Set up meetings with experts on residency for all 3 countries. Step 9: Look at all your facts and identify which country aligns most with your priorities and preferences as well as your values and the kind lifestyle you want to live. Step 10: Make your choice, plan an extended stay if possible, don’t look back and enjoy the process. To summarize, I am not saying it is easy not to look back, but always keep in mind that you're not alone and not without a plan. Use the outline of the 10-step program, do your homework, speak to experts in the field and if you really want to live a different and better life, commit yourself to getting into action and maybe this is the year that it will make happen for you. Next week, in part 3, I will post suggestions for what you need to do to when you are about to take up residency. Quote of the week “Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not to put the plan into action.” Napoleon Hill We would love to hear how your plans for expatriation are progressing? Which country are you moving to? What helped you make your decision? What difficulties have you encountered if any? Your share could help someone else in a similar situation.

         
    What in the heck can a personal coach do

     

    I just wanted to spread the word about Life Coaching and what it can do to help just about anyone. No, not every coach is suited for every client but the right coach/client combination is such powerful tool. I hear different variations of the following questions and statements a lot: "What can a coach do for me?", "I can't afford to pay a coach!", "What does SHE know that I don't know?", "I don't need a stinkin' Coach!" Ok, well I tossed the word "stinkin'" in there (smile) but I do know there are many people who could benefit from the power of coaching but feel they don't need it. Well hopefully the following can open some eyes to the magic of this wonderful tool! Coaching is an effective process used to support individuals in creating something new for themselves. I work side by side with my clients coaching them by providing perspective and support for self-knowledge as they accomplish their business and personal goals. I personal help women achieve balance and cultivate the tools necessary for them to evolve into a life filled with happiness and serenity. I believe all women have the tools they need inside to lead a more fulfilling life. I simply guide them along an empowering path that will awaken these tools, focus on their passion and ultimately lead them to a more fulfilled self. If you are ready to find your way to a more balanced you, I will be your guide. Life coaches are great and act as your personal cheerleader. There are many benefits to having a Personal Life Coach and here are just a few. Coaching is a valuable process for people looking to: * design life intentions that include both your business and personal goals. * make meaningful personal changes that reduce stress and simplify your life. * free up energy and other resources to attract what you want for your life now. * enhance the quality of your communication and relationships * work through a career or life transition * achieve better work/life balance * gain clarity, focus and direction Coaching is also for those that are successful and growing entrepreneurs, where everything is going really well, and you would just appreciate a neutral sounding board who will give you straight-up honest feedback and on-going support. There really is nothing like coaching. The best way to learn about it is to experience it for yourself! Most coaches will offer a free consultation or a free session to see if coaching is for you. You have nothing to lose and the world to gain!

         
    What is a singing voice lesson

     

    If you are interested in becoming a professional singer or even if you are just interested in taking singing lessons for fun it is likely that you may be interested in receiving some professional assistance. When looking for professional assistance many individuals come across something known as a singing voice lesson. Many individuals may already know what a singing voice lesson is; however, if you are new to the world of singing then you may not. A signing voice lesson is technically just another term used to describe a singing lesson. Each day there are a large number of singing lessons that are given around the world. These singing lessons can occur in a school, in a home, or an offsite business location. While a singing lesson and a voice singing lesson are similar they do have a few differences. Many traditional singing lessons focus on a wide variety of different things. Of course a person’s ability to sing is considered; however, that is not always all that is taken into consideration. Many traditional singing lessons focus on a person’s posture, body language, and their ability to sing. Singing lessons also tend to offer singing help on common music genres instead of just focusing on one. A singing voice lesson may focus on other things besides a person’s voice; however, that tends to be the main focus. It is also common for many singing voice lessons to be tailored to a specific genre of music. There are many individuals who wish to learn how to sing in general, but others may be more focused on singing in a specific music genre. Rap music does not sound anything like country music; therefore, different singing approaches are often taken. Individuals wishing to take a singing voice lesson have a number of options to choose from. There are many aspiring singers who prefer to work one-on-one with a music teacher or a voice coach. These lessons are often costly because they often require a large amount of time and travel. A cheaper way that many aspiring singers choose to have a singing voice lesson is by purchasing singing voice lesson music equipment. Online and in retail stores across America there are a large number of singing resources. It is possible to purchasing a singing voice lesson DVD or CD. These items cost less than most face-to-face singing lessons. Aspiring singers are only required to pay for the singing voice lesson DVD or CD once, but they can use them over and over again. This is beneficial to a wide number of singers because usually more than one lesson needs to be taken to show improvement. When looking to take a singing voice lesson individuals are encouraged to consider their financial resources and what they hope to get in return for taking a singing voice lesson. Individuals who are unable to pay for a one-on-one singing voice lesson are encouraged to considering purchasing a DVD or CD. These items are great resources for aspiring singers who are limited as to how much money they can put into their career.

         
    What not to do and how not to do it

     

    How can you get more done? Can you really do more than you already do? Is there still room left on your plate for even one more thing? The truth is I don't know anyone (successful) who has too little to do. Not one of my many clients--nor any of my friends, acquaintances, or people I meet on planes--none of them has ever said they have too little to do. Doing more to get more done is simply not an option. The answer to doing more is doing less. Less? Do less? Are you kidding? How's that going to help? "I don't get enough done as it is," you say, "and there's always more to do at the end of a day!" Ask this transformational question: Is each activity you currently do providing the greatest possible payback? Or like many people, are you spending much of your precious time doing things which produce a relatively lower return? The key word is relatively. To do more, you've got to figure out what not to do. For most people, 100% of our time is filled with 1) routine day-to-day matters, 2) things we told other people we would do and 3) responding to (sometimes trivial) interruptions. To try to make something important happen, we end up shoving that thing into our schedule. How well does that work? How well does a five pound bag hold ten pounds of stuff? You get the idea--not very well at all. And, of course, all the important stuff ends up spilling out onto the floor. For some people, the bag is so full--there are so many to-dos on your to-do list, your reach the uncomfortable state of overwhelm. Your creativity gets totally locked out and your mind can't even consider other, perhaps more important things. You've got to figure out what not to do. I've done casual research on this subject asking audiences of executives what things they do that they know they shouldn't. This list of guilty pleasures includes answering emails as they come in throughout the day, handling the company finances, interviewing all candidates for all jobs, purchasing, filing, writing marketing copy and advertisements, signing all the checks, exercising final say on small product changes, and so on. That's not to say these things aren't important--some are, even vitally so. The question is--are these the most important things for YOU to be doing, especially at this point in your organization's development? Often when I ask these questions, people respond by saying there is no one else who can do THAT as well as they can. This thinking is typical of what Adam Smith called "absolute advantage." Smith advocated doing all the things which you do better than anyone else. It is obvious, commonsense thinking. The trap for someone who is by nature highly and broadly capable is that you can end up doing everything, reluctant to let go of anything. To the rescue is 19TH century economist David Ricardo's Law of the Comparative Advantage of Nations. In a bold, counterintuitive bit of reasoning, Ricardo said to maximize wealth, each country should devote its energy to producing goods they sacrificed the least to create. In other words, Comparative Advantage says to produce the goods which create the highest value per unit of work. Everything else, regardless of how much better you do it than anyone else, should be done by others. Assume your company makes a sophisticated high value product and you can sell as many as you can make. The product uses several cheap components, which by the way, you can also make better and cheaper than anyone else. Ricardo says that given limited resources (your time, for instance) it is a mistake to manufacture any of the components; each unit of time spent making the cheaper components instead of making the high-valued product costs you money --opportunity cost. To make the most profit, spend ALL your time making the high-value product, and purchase the components. Ricardo's law boils down to this: do the thing which brings the GREATEST RETURN--and nothing else. That which brings you the greatest value, and only that, is your comparative advantage. Keep a list of all the separate things you do during the course of a day/week/month. You may think you know, but each time I ask an executive to try this exercise, they are surprised by the outcome. Make a notation of what you are doing every 15 minutes. Keep this record for as long as you can--at least two or three days; a week or even two will reveal even more. (You must write this down. The process won't work if you try to keep it in your head.) What have you been doing? Have you been squandering your comparative advantage? Is each action on your list HIGHLY PRODUCTIVE? Is each thing on your list MAKING YOU MONEY, or CHANGING THE WORLD (at least a little bit?) No? Most people spend at least some of their time doing low-contribution activities. For most people, even if they consider what are doing important, there are usually even more important things they should do instead. Once you've understood how you actually spend your time, you have three possible courses of action: You can dump things--there are always some things which are of such little value that no one should be doing them. You can delegate important things to capable people in your organization or outsource them to firms which specialize in those things. Lastly, YOU can do the things which make the largest difference. Apply Ricardo's principle of comparative advantage. Figure out what specific actions contribute the most and do only those, offloading or dumping the rest. Do the same analysis for each department and each member of your company and create extraordinary results. To do more--to get more done in terms of value--you have to do less. (c) Copyright Paul Lemberg. All rights reserved

         
    What stops you

     

    Have you ever had a terrific idea which you didn't act on? Of course you have. I don't mean anything fancy either. Nothing earth-shattering. Just a plain old-fashioned good idea which would have made you more money. But you didn't get moving on it. Oh well. I have a friend I'll call James. James is an independent management consultant and a deep, creative thinker. I have great respect for his abilities to understand his clients and develop unique solutions for them. But he isn't very successful. His business is ok, but hardly booming--and certainly not where he says he'd like it to be. He works with interesting people--just never enough of them. And aside from soliciting referrals, he does nothing to increase his overall practice. The funny thing is, this guy has more brilliant ideas about how to build his business than anyone I know. The problem is he doesn't implement any of them. James is just one of those people who stops before he ever gets started. So much for James. What about you? Do you have more ideas than action steps? Why don't you just get going? I encounter this issue often with people who have tons of great ideas about what to do next, that never get implemented. And they want to know why. Have you thought about what stops you from acting on ideas or programs which could bring rich rewards? I have, and I think there are several simple reasons. 1. Lack of an inspiring, motivating purpose Why should we do anything? Why indeed! That missing why is called purpose. Without a strong purpose the urgent things take over. The ringing telephone takes over. "You've Got Mail" takes over. The knock at the door takes over. Inertia takes over. In physics we learn that it takes additional energy to break free of inertia. A powerful purpose adds that energy. Energy that organizes your actions, and brings the important things to the fore. To break free of the inertia of your current routine, you need an inspiring purpose. 2. No clear vision Imagine yourself at a six-way intersection in a fog so thick you can't see a single landmark. You can't even read the road signs. Which way will you go? If you do pick a direction, will you be confident about setting out, or will you proceed slowly, hoping for the fog to clear a bit before you pick up the pace? Everybody wants to go somewhere--at least everybody in business does. But without a clear vision you can't see where you want to go. And if you don't see it, you won't proceed aggressively and confidently on a course toward it-- whatever it is--will you? So even if you craft a plan--to take you...somewhere, you aren't likely to execute it. At least not anytime soon. 3. Not willing to make sacrifices or do the work You already have more than enough to do, and whatever else you take on means something has to be set aside. Sacrifice means giving up something of value for something of even greater value. Which means there is something more valuable to sacrifice for. And you haven't clarified what that 'something' is. Or maybe you aren't sure that it is worth it. In this same category I put: giving up free time, relaxation time, play time, or whatever. But it always comes down to sacrifice, and the big question is, is it worth it. (By the way, I plead guilty to this one. There are times when I feel I have something important to accomplish, I just don't feel it's important enough to get off the couch for. What gets me moving is reciting the litany of purpose: "Why did I feel it was important? And what will happen because of that? And why is THAT important? And so on.) 4. Lack of belief If you are certain something will work, there is no risk and you will likely take action. On the other hand, if you are uncertain--and most things are uncertain to some degree--you wonder if it the risk is worth it. So what do you believe? Do you believe your actions will pay off or not? If you aren't sure, how much effort will you put into it? Will you hesitate? Postpone? Procrastinate? Go at half-speed? Or maybe 'it' will work, in someone's hands, but you don't believe it will work in yours. In other words, you lack of confidence that you can get it done, and the risk is too great. Each of these issues can be addressed by having a powerful purpose--and an inspiring set goals to achieve. When these are strong enough, they make the potential reward that much bigger and alter the risk-reward ratio in favor of action. 5. Fear Sometimes it comes down to fear. You have a vision and a purpose, and you think the risks are acceptable. But what if it doesn't work out. Then what? That's fear. It won't work out the way you want it to. What will you be left with then? Or even worse, not only will it not work out, but something bad will come as a result of it. 6. Everything else You just have other things to do. Like what? Like the day - to-day stuff of running your business or doing your job. You can't just keep piling it on, can you? No, you can't. The question is, are the things you are already doing all worth while? Should some of it be delegated? Should some of it be dumped, or put on the back burner? Once again, you must weight what you are already doing against your purpose and goals. If your existing action set is effectively driving you towards your goals, there's no need to do more. But if you aren't moving sure-footedly in that direction, then you need to shift things around and make room for what will. You may have to realign your priorities, and reevaluate your options so that your available time and energy is dedicated to moving you in the right direction. What about you? What stops you? Any one of these six things can hold you back, or it may be a combination of things. Once you identify what stops you, it is much easier to address and get moving. Now you can transform your ideas into an action plan.

         
    What to do life s big question

     

    We've all experienced the same thing at important crossroads in our life when big changes were underway. Often, we find ourselves feeling panic and frozen in time, possibly with indecision, waiting and wondering: Which way to go?; How will things turn out? Sometimes, you just don't know what to do. I'm asked frequently about this topic and oddly, I have a lot of experience with it as well. In fact, I find my life in this state of flux often as more changes loom on the horizon. Everyone, myself included, wants answers. What should I do? How do I know? These answers are never forthcoming; we cannot see into the future. Every direction can be okay; one can be the best. The simple truth is, we just don't know with 100% accuracy. This is where awareness and faith come in to play. Awareness is important on many levels. Knowing the landscape of your life, you can make calculated decisions that support your goals. In business, and daily life activities, we implement this process automatically without much awareness at all, it has become so habitual. This, in part, is where a problem lies. Habitual behavior may not be appropriate as new data becomes available. Auto-pilot means your flying blind. Even when flying a plane on auto-pilot, the pilot will check the instrument panels to ensure the data is consistent. Why don't we? Be aware of your data. Your data comes from many sources and most of us are familiar with these sources. I might surprise some of you with new concepts. The common source that we're all familiar with is the mind and store-house of knowledge and experience we have gained from life. Again, those who rely solely upon this source risk repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The mystery of life dictates that our ability to identify with life experience as truth results in creating more of this truth in our lives. If this truth is a truth of painful experience, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Utilizing other sources, we are able to objectively assess all sources and come to new conclusions. The next common source is our emotions and intuition; they often are synonomous. A surprising fact here is that not everyone is in touch with their emotions or permit the emotions the freedom they deserve. Emotions are very useful in interpreting and/or being aware of underlying factors that may not be evident through hard tangible data. For some this is a gut-feeling, others have a flash of insight or conclusion, and others feel twinges in certain parts of the body without being aware of any potential significance. I have scenarios for each and will refrain from elaborating further for the sake of brevity today. Be curious to explore it further though. A less common source for most is our spiritual awareness. This is a quiet place within that has a higher level of wisdom for the greater good. This can be pertinent to you, your life, your family life, community, work, the world, and so on. The levels of knowledge accessible here are limitless. It is as though we are connected to a universal storehouse of knowledge. This place of knowing is far less judgemental and emotional but has the ability to synthesize the data from the mind and emotions, integrating and offering solutions from a much higher level of consciousness. This is something that many people find themselves seeking as they mature and look for more significance in their lives and meaning in their work. Finally, we must talk about the role of faith. This is part of what I teach and coach in my profession. It is the co-creative relationship and process that we have as human-beings with the source of all creation. This isn't religious, it isn't specific to any religion, yet it doesn't contradict any religion. This is born from my own quest for truth integrated with my own life and spiritual experiences. It may be incomplete and is a direction to follow, not a destination for you to reach. Such is the nature of our spiritual life; it is the journey and the ever-changing, ever-increasing level of knowledge and wisdom that we gain through life experience. With an open-mind, entertain our relationship with the source of all creation. Creation exists, as do we. We see it all around us. Scientists study deeper into the stars. More scientists study deeper into the mysterys of time and space; quantum physics. What is witnessed is creation, its' magic and its' mystery. Down at the quantum level we discover that we're mostly made up of empty space and other unusual phenomena that cannot be explained. Out in the stars, they see an expanding universe. Now, going deeper, with probing satellites and quantum sciences, new theories arise. All seem to point to an apex of creation coming from nothing... a God Force. Mystery is lived by people accessing this God-Force, understanding their co-creative relationship to this mystery. Understanding that this force is abundant love, it supplies us with what is in our intention. What we intend for our lives becomes real. Many people who do this consistently refer to it as manifesting. As children, many of us have had at least one solid experience of this. We may have just known that we would have something in our lives, whether a gift, an experience, a trip, whatever, and then it happens. There was no fear, doubt, uncertainty, only gladness for what was to come. That is the power of intent. As adults, so much of our lives have instructed us to ignore so much. Don't dream to big. You can't do this. Don't do that. That's only for the privileged. You need to have a degree. There is too much competition. This is the way things work. Everywhere you turn, you are told how it is and what cannot be and you become conditioned. We have spent too little time in practice with our spiritual origins that we do not understand this mystery and in our need for control, we stifle its' requirement for room to breathe and work its' own magic. We measure things by worldly standards and time clocks, not realizing that in the bigger picture, some of those so-called failures actually were important stepping-stones in a grander scheme for our lives. Is our spiritual side still influencing the outcome? Are we making the experience harder, longer, or are we co-operating and making it easier? Okay, this is long enough for one read. If you want to know more and begin your own journey, feel free to contact me. There are more relevant articles on the website and as a coach, I spend time integrating spiritual awareness into the coaching sessions in unobtrusive ways. It has shown itself to be the single most important success factor regardless of the initial direction goals were set. In some cases, spiritual awareness harnessed the focus to realize a more significant goal for the individual instead of a goal that came about due to conditioning.

         
    What you need to know about nlp and life coach training

     

    Feeling frustrated by your job is a very common occurrence. Many people feel they are in a lower position they are capable of performing and are not quite sure how to get to the next level of responsibility. Much of this is caused by the way we have programmed our brains to think and react to situations. An NLP training course can help. A Brief Definition of Neuro-linguistic programming Neuro-linguistic programming, or NLP, is a set of models of how communication impacts and is impacted by subjective experience. In addition to being an agent for change, NLP is also used in psychotherapy treatments for problems as diverse as phobias and schizophrenia. NLP also aims at transforming corporations, showing them how to accomplish their maximum potential and achieve great success. The developers of NLP The theories and application of NLP were co-created by two men in the 1970’s. One a linguist, John Grinder and his partner Richard Bandler. The initial focus of their experiments in NLP was to discover what gave three psychotherapists the advantage in successfully treating their clients. These three psychotherapists, gestalt therapist Fritz Perls, family therapist Virginia Satir and founding president of the American Society for Clinical Hypnosis, Milton H. Erickson, were more successful in treatment than that of their peers. Timeline of NLP 1970: Founding and early development 1972: Research of Fritz Perls, Virginia Satir and Milton H. Erickson begins. 1975: Subsequently Structure of Magic Series published 1976-77: Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson published 1979: Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming published 1980: Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Volume I published 1980: Bandler and Grinder go their separate ways 1981: The first of many intellectual property lawsuits begin. NLP Training courses begin to be developed by many individuals. Given the diversity of developers and trainers, there is no single definitive system of NLP. 1982-87: Grinder and Judith DeLozier collaborated to develop the New Code of NLP. 1984-87: Research reviews in experimental counselling psychology by the United States National Research Council gave NLP an overall negative assessment marking a decrease in NLP research interest 1988-89: Bandler develops Design Human Engineering™ and later Neuro-Hypnotic Repatterning™ 1990s: In the UK and other countries certification of NLP courses and providers begins 1996-97: Bandler files suit against Grinder claiming trademark infringement and intellectual property ownership of NLP. Where the co-creators are now The end of 2000 achieved a settlement between Bandler and Grinder when they agreed, “they are the co-creators and co-founders of the technology of Neuro-linguistic Programming.” Richard Bandler is currently with The Society of Neuro-Linguistic Programming™ and John Grinder can be found at The International Trainers Academy of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP Today NLP continues to be an open field of training with different trainers and practitioners developing their own methods and concepts. One common thread in NLP is the emphasis on teaching a variety of communication and persuasion skills, and using self-hypnosis to motivate and change oneself. With numerous NLP practitioners advertising on the Internet today, many of their standards and quality of courses may differ. When performing a search for a NLP Training courses make certain to choose an organization with a good reputation.

         
    Why advice giving is not advisable

     

    Often in our interactions with family and friends, problems being encountered would inevitably be brought up. Inevitably too, in trying to be helpful, we often react by giving advice on how to solve the problem. However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons: We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person's point of view. We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person. We get 'credit' for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent. When we give advice, we're talking 'down' to the other person as we become the 'expert'. We're so eager to talk and show our knowledge and 'wisdom' that we do not interact at an 'equal' level with the other person. We take on the position of 'expert' and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us. We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person. We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate. Example of Advice Giving: A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately. B: Hmm… I'm always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A's problems) A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I've been very busy with work recently and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work. B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise. A: I'd be miserable. Don't know what I'd do without her. B: You'll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit) A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn't seem to work. B: I don't think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her. A: I have deadlines to meet. B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A's dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.) Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below: A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately. B: I'm sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem) A: I've been really busy with my work and haven't had time to go out with her. She feels I'm spending too much time on work. B: Has it always been this way with your work? A: No, it's these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures…. B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up) A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I'll send her some flowers afterward and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions) B: All the best … References: succezz/StresstheSilentKiller. html succezz/How2BHappy. html succezz/S2/7WaystoLiveLiftotheMax2.html

         
    Why do i have this health problem

     

    This article is about health problems and how some people let these problems get them down too easily. By thinking in a more positive way they are more likely to see a positive outcome. I hope you enjoy the read. I once had a neighbour who was about sixty-five. She was such a negative person, very rarely smiled and seemed to moan about almost everything. Her name was Nancy. When I first moved to this particular area, I tried to make friends with the people who lived close to me. When I first met Nancy she kept saying how ill she felt and about how her back was playing her up. I went away from this meeting feeling quite sorry for Nancy. Around two weeks later I bumped into Nancy again. I aked her in a very positive and upbeat way, how she was. I wish I had not bothered as I then had to listen to all of her problems. She did not have one happy thing to say. Over the next few years of living by Nancy, I actually went out of my way to avoid her. I have to admit that I also used to feel sorry for myself. I grew up with a speech impediment known as a stutter. I often used to wonder as to why I was given this problem. It did not seem fair to me as I believed I was a really nice person. I would often think as to why god had not given Craig the impediment as he was a nasty piece of work. I lived with the stutter until the age of twenty-two and then began to have a change of attitude. Instead of looking at people who I thought were more fortunate than myself, I started to read and hear about people who were far less fortunate. By watching the news on the television, I saw some images and heard stories from other countries which made me realise how stupid I had been. I may have had a stutter but compared to other people in the world I am very fortunate. When people ask me how I am, I always give a positive answer even if I feel terrible. I try and walk around with a smile on my face and am now living life to the full. I have also managed to overcome that horrible stutter. People like Nancy could do with having the same change in attitude and they may find they have more visitors to their house and that some of their ailments disappear.

         
     
         
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