Do you want to put a smile on someone's face? Maybe make their day a little bit brighter? It doesn't have to take much time or money on your part. In fact, many things can be done as a part of your normal routine and cost little or nothing. You won't know how many people are encouraged by your kindness because smiles are contagious. Try out one or more of these 7 ways today to put smiles on their faces. 1. Write an encouraging note to others that have encouraged you or that need encouragement. Handwritten notes that are given to encourage, not just for thanking someone for a gift, are rare. That makes handwritten notes even more special. Start a new practice of sitting down and writing an encouraging note on a regular basis. You just might start an epidemic! 2. Take a friend out to lunch or invite her to your home for a meal. You will get to know each other even better than you do right now. If you feel like being more adventurous, throw a party for several of your friends and put smiles on a multitude of faces. 3. Give someone an inspirational book to read. You will feel good doing it, reading the book will change the person, and they will think of you every time they read it. 4. Ask a friend or relative if you can take care of their kid(s) for a day or evening. If you have been a parent, you know the value of being able to have a few hours of "adult time" without worrying about the children. Don't wait to be asked to baby-sit when it is required. Offer to do it at a time when the parent can do something fun and relaxing. 5. Deliver a meal to someone you know that is sick or having a rough time. We have all been sick and know the last thing you want to do is be out of bed. There are also times when life is tough and it is hard to do all of the daily chores. You can be a tremendous help by providing a meal that can be enjoyed. 6. Volunteer time to supporting your local church or charity. Every minute you dedicate to a church or charity will cause many smiles. You will put a smile on the face of each leader just for helping without being asked. You will also be putting smiles on the faces of those that are being helped through the organization. 7. Thank everyone that supports you throughout the day. The list of those that you come in contact with is endless. Remember family and friends, secretaries, co-workers, teachers, Sunday school teachers, pastors, store employees, janitors, gas station attendants, those that deliver your mail and newspaper, and servers at restaurants. I know this is a list of 7 ways to put a smile on someone's face, but there is one more way that can't be ignored. Reveal a genuine smile to everyone you meet. You will experience how easy it is to get others to smile!
Do you want to put a smile on someone's face today? Maybe make their day a little better. It won't cost you a single penny or much time to do just that. And because smiling is contagious, it probably won't just be one person you make smile today. Here are 20 ways to turn that frown upside down. 1. Send some flowers to your partner at work. 2pliment a friend or work colleague on their appearance. 3. Donate something to charity. 4. Take a friend out to lunch. 5. Let someone know you miss them. 6. Make a surprise telephone call to your partner at work, just to say hi. 7. Hold a door open for someone walking behind you. 8. Hug your partner for no reason. 9. Leave a joke on a friends answer machine. 10. Send a card to a friend letting them know what a good friend they are. 11. Give up your seat on the train to someone when there aren't any left. 12. Share your umbrella on a rainy day. 13. Ask a friend if they need anything while you're out shopping. 14. When it's raining, plan an indoor picnic with your children. 15. Leave a love letter somewhere where your partner will find it. 16. Send someone an unusual and unexpected gift like chocolate, flowers or sex toys. 17. Tell your child you're proud of them. 18. Tell someone you thought about them the other day. 19. Cook a surprise meal for your partner one night, especially if they normally do the cooking. 20. Tell your partner you love them. Did you know it takes only 17 muscles to smile, but 43 to frown. Why waste all that energy frowning when you could just smile. Here are 5 more facts about smiling. 1. Women smile more than men. 2. Smiling releases endorphins that make us feel better. 3. We are all born with the ability to smile, it's not something we learn from others. 4. A smile is a universal expression of happiness. 5. A smiling person is thought to be a more pleasant, attractive, sociable, sincere and competent than a non-smiling person. Just remember, smiling is the easiest and cheapest way of improving your looks.
All of us have days when we're out of sorts. You just wish you were in a better mood. You've had days like that, haven't you? Perhaps you tried to get yourself into a better state of mind but struggled to achieve it. Sometimes we get stuck in our own emotional dumps and forget how easy it is to feel happier, so here are seven simple ways to lift your mood. Many people have found them useful. Some of them may surprise you! 1. Go for a walk. Most people know that going for a short daily walk is one of the best forms of exercise. When you are feeling down it is even more beneficial. If you can, go into a natural environment with plants and birds. Can you think of such a setting not? What do you notice first? The different shades of greenery, the fresh smell of country air, the sounds of birds, or the sunlight shining through the trees? Make it real by taking a short stroll. 2. Listen to quality music. Music can shift a listener's state within moments. It's effect can be nearly magical. Dig out that CD you haven't listened to in ages or tune in your radio to something you've never listened to before. 3. Open yourself to discovering something new. Read something (printed, not on line) different than what you would normally watch. There are a ton of different types of magazines can you get these days. Visit your local library or browse through a magazine rack. Pick up or buy a magazine you wouldn't normally buy. You may discover something wonderful. 4. Find something to laugh at. Laughter is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Find a humorous book, or watch a comedy. Even better, try to learn a few new jokes and tell them to others. 5. Simple breathing meditation. Breathing meditation is a great exercise that you can do anywhere. Simply allow yourself to sit comfortably with your back straight. Now close your eyes and become aware of the flow of air into and out of your nostrils. That's all there is to it. Do this for 10-15 minutes. Notice how pleasantly surprised you can be at how you feel afterward. 6. Doodling for the fun of it. Most people can remember when they were young and used to doodle for hours. Kids love drawing silly little pictures. Drawing is not just for kids or artists. Whoever you are get some pens, pencils, crayons or whatever you have and just draw for the fun of it. Notice how your state of mind shifts. 7. Think of others less fortunate. The fact that you are reading this article suggests that you are probably much better off than most people on this planet. At times this may be hard to believe, but if you can read and have access to the internet, just those two things alone means you are better off than most people in the world. There are many human beings that barely have access to the basics of survival. There are people in lots of pain. Allow your compassion for them to grow. These are all pretty simple. There's nothing profound or life changing, but when all you need is a quick pick me up these may be just the thing you need. Putting simple ideas, methods, tools and techniques into action will help you achieve change more quick and easily--surprisingly so at time-- than you imagine.
Copyright 2006 Dr Joe Rubino Extensive studies show that more than 85% of the population suffers from some degree of diminished self-worth, lacking self-esteem and insufficient confidence. For most of the people who lack a positive self-image, the future looks like a mere extension of their troubled past. Their expectation of what is to be is consistent with what has been — with a slight and predictable level of improvement. Because of their lacking self-esteem and confidence, most are resigned to a life that lacks the excitement and passion that characterizes the lives of those who feel worthy of tapping into the best things life has to offer. People who possess a positive self-image typically have an optimistic expectation of what is ahead of them and as a result, they realize this expectation as a self-fulfilling prophesy. In contrast to the state of resignation that typifies those with diminished self-esteem and lacking confidence, consider the possibility that the future lives as the realization of a promise — a promise you make to yourself and to the world. The future will result from your expectations and the quality of your future will be impacted by the commitment you have for it. It lives as a possibility. In other words, you get to invent it. In fact, you are the sole designer and architect of what is to be. And the result will be entirely consistent with your expectation and your self-image. In other words, our future will be directly related to what we expect for it to be. If we doubt our self-worth and expect our future lives to be worse than our current situation, we will sabotage ourselves into making it turn out in alignment with this self-fulfilling prophesy resulting in diminished self-esteem and self-confidence. If we limit our expectations and plan on more of the same results we have to date experienced, our apathy will generate a future consistent with this expectation. To the contrary, if we believe in ourselves and our expectation is that our future will be better than our present situation, self-motivation will result to bring about the positive outcome we envision. If we feel good about ourselves and expect to live happy, fulfilled, and successful lives, we will take the actions consistent with realizing that expectation. We will therefore generate the opportunities that will result in rich relationships, abundance, and joy being attracted to our lives – because we believe we deserve it and act on this belief. We get what we expect and attract prosperity or lack, joy or sorrow, rewarding relationships or angry, frustrating ones all as a result of whether or not we feel worthy. Just as we can doubt our abilities to succeed and our attractiveness as worthy of rewarding friends and intimate relationships, we can also instead choose to take full responsibility for expecting all aspects of our lives to be the way we want them to turn out. Realize that you have consciously or unconsciously attracted everything that shows up in your life to you. If where you are in life, the relationships you have attracted to you, your physical, financial, emotional and spiritual states are not what you desire, decide now to alter your course. Decide that you deserve better. Get in touch with the erroneous decisions you made at an early age. Reframe how you see yourself and resolve to act from a declaration of who you are (just because you say so) instead of the unlovable, somehow defective or unworthy image you made up or bought into long ago. Change your expectations. Design a life plan consistent with your new expectations. Make requests of those who can support your efforts in some way. The future exists for each of us as a possibility. When we do the necessary work to heal our troubled past and put the self-interpretations that do not support us behind, we can courageously decide to design our future lives deliberately to be in alignment with joy, abundance, fun, fulfillment, and self-love. When we train ourselves to first expect positive results and then to act in accordance with what we expect, we set the stage for a bright and promising tomorrow. We have the personal power to create our future on purpose. The future can unfold out of our declaration of how we see ourselves and what we expect it to be like. To the extent that we take responsibility to expect great things in our lives, ensure we give off positive, attractive, loving energy and then get into action to bring about our expectations, we will be the force behind the realization of a rewarding happy future characterized by soaring self-esteem and confidence. So, my challenge for you today is to write out a clear and specific vision of exactly what your life will be like in every area including your relationships, health, wealth and finances, occupation, recreation and social life, and personal and spiritual developmentmit to resolving any past issues that continue to erode how you feel about yourself. I wrote “The Self-Esteem Book” and the accompanying “The Self-Esteem Workbook” to support you to learn the tools that will allow you to reinvent your life and how you see yourself. Know that all that it takes is the courage to begin the process of restoring your personal magnificence and start living full of self-esteem and confidence.
Greetings self help reader, Are you constantly bombarded by thoughts of negativity? Plagued by feelings of insecurity? Do you see everything in a negative manner? The reason for this lies deep within your heart. You are what you mentally and spiritually eat. If a person drinks alchohol on a daily basis, odds are their body will be affected in some way. They may have liver issues, develop cancer or incur some other type of health problem directly related to the amount of alcohol they have consumed. In the same way, a person who constantly feeds themselves negative thoughts will simply turn into a negative person. This is the time to go on a diet. A diet of positive attitude food. You have to literally stop feeding your mind negative things. Ask yourself is this thought negative or positive or negative? What do negative thoughts look like? Well, they start with can't rather than can, no as opposed to yes, will and not won't. The Bible which is the greatest self help book ever written, speaks about taking every thought captive. The problem in our society has become that our thoughts have taken us captive. We have begun to let our thoughts control us. A great way to know what we are negative about is to ask those people who are closest to us. You can ask your spouse or another person in your life who really knows you how they would rate your attitude on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being super positive and 1 super negative. Ask this person to be totally honest with you. You will benefit from their honesty even if it causes you pain. Ask this person what it is that you specifically say that they perceive as negative. Write down what they say and look at the actual words. Now is the time to be honest with yourself. Those words are a reflection of what is inside you. They are who you are. The great thing is that you can change. It is as simple as making a choice to do so. You must decide to replace the thoughts of negativity with thoughts of positivity. Decide what words you will change the negative words on your paper to. Once you have done this, make an effort to insert these new positive thoughts in your mind. You will begin to notice a positive change taking place in your life. Your family, friends and co-workers will all notice it as well. They may not know what is different about you. But they will know that you are not the same person that you were. The items which are causing negativity in your life could very well be the news, movies, constantly replaying tragedy in your mind and the list could go on. These things should be eliminated if you want your new mental health regimen to be a success. The news is very negative and does not help someone who is trying to rid their mind of such thoughts. When you are feeding yourself thoughts of death from a war or gunshot or car accident visually the outcome will be negative. I do believe there is a time to grieve over the death of a loved one. However, if a person constantly replays this negative event in their minds it can lead to depression. The person who has passed away is not coming back and we must close that chapter in our lives and move on to the next chapter. This is a difficult task which can only be done by making a decision to proceed with our own life, no matter how hard this may be. You can do it. You can and will have a positive attitude, if you simply take the steps outlined above. You do not have to be what you were in the past. You can be different in the future. The choice is yours. I know you will make a positive one. Much continued positive attitude success, The creator of "Positive Attitude Secrets"
Greetings self-help readers, This article will deal with what is on the inside of us. Who we are on the inside, seems to show up on the outside no matter how hard we try to hide it. You have no doubt heard of people wearing their hearts on their sleeves and this is because what is in our hearts are some deep emotions. You can be the best actor/actress in the world but if you are hurting inside you are in bad emotional shape. You can mask your pain with a smile or a laugh but that pain is still there. You can not make that pain disappear with alcohol or drugs it simply returns when the narcotic is out of the system. Medication will also need to be constantly taken if one is on anti-depressants. Why? Because the heart itself, what is on the inside of every single person on this planet is never dealt with. God speaks of people who honor Him with their lips but their hearts are far from Him. God knows what is inside of all of us. The choice can be to run from who we are. To pour ourselves into various addictions to get away from who we are. We must however deal with who we really are if we are to move past any pain in our lives. Before my darling mother passed away, she uttered the words it is time to move on to my wife and I. Those words were very hard to hear but they still ring true today as I am reminded of them when I reflect back on my last days with her. I could have chosen to stay in the emotional state of numbness that I was in during her last days on earth or proceed to keep all the great memories of my mother in my heart and enyoy the rest of the time that God has given me on the earth. The choice was mine. It was a difficult one but one that I believe that all of us must make when it comes to dealing with who we are. If I chose to stay in a state of numbness and deal with it by working too much or withdrawl I would too busy focusing on myself. I would miss out on spending time with my amazing wife and daughter and I would never be able to get that time back. Take a look at who you are inside. Talk about the pain with someone you can trust and move on. You can do it. You must do it if you are to be the very best that you can be. Choose not to live in the past because you will miss the very future that God has planned for you. Much continued positive attitude success, The creator of "Positive Attitude Secrets"
Five-time gold medal-winning figure skater, Jenny Kilmer, has won the women’s Olympics since she was 16. At 36, she is attempting to win her sixth straight gold medal. Kilmer has been blessed to have such fame and fortune with sporting equipment endorsements and TV contracts. She has gotten everything that he has set out to get, except for one thing: love. Love is what has been eluding her. She has had many relationships, but none that have transpired into anything beyond just a relationship. Her latest relationship with Scott seemed to be destined to the same scenario. Since two years old, Jenny’s life has been all about skating. Her intensive training has obviously paid off professionally because of her gold medals, but personally, even her trainer, Yon, cannot stand to be around her. It was five days until the Women’s Olympic medal competition. Yon asked her, “Do you think that you’re gonna find that special guy like that girl did in that movie, ‘The Cutting Edge?’” he said in his Russian accent. “You are ten times the spoiled brat that she was.” “Absolutely,” said Jen. “I’m Jenny Kilmer. America’s Sweetheart. Every man wants me.” “Until they get to know you,” Yon retorted. “But they get together in the end.” “Actors get together in the end, not skaters!” “Whatever, Yon.” “You know I am right. Scott is on to you like the others. You don’t need anybody. No one is gonna tell the great Jenny Kilmer what to do! What has it cost you?” “Allright, allright, Yon.” “Have you not learned anything about love since we’ve been working together? Since you were 16? When it comes to love, you still talk like a 16-year old. Your mother and your father are at their rope’s end with you. Your agents put up with you because you make them money.” “Why are you still here, Yon? You can coach anyone you want. You’ve got your five gold’s with me. What’s keeping you here?” “I want to see you come full circle. You’ve got nothing more to prove in skaing. The pressure is totally off of you in this Olympics. I am partly to blame for you being the way that you are. I have pushed you too much for too long.” “So, what are you saying?” “I have made my dreams into your dreams and I am sorry. I want you to win the Gold Medal…in love.” “But, why are you saying this now? After all this time?” “Scott loves you with all of his heart. Do you remember when you broke your ankle two years ago at the Nationals when you tried the quadruple lutz? He went on to the ice and carried you off. He doesn’t care about your skating. He cares about you! He cancelled a multimillion-dollar building project to be with you for two weeks after your injury. He lost dollars after dollars for his company, got demoted and risked getting fired for you. He slept in the chair in your hospital room for two weeks! That’s love! Scott is one of the greatest things to ever happen to you and you cannot see this. You are headed to becoming a bitter old maid! You’ve got another half-hour till practice is over. Skating - it’s what you’re best at. Go on!” For one of the first times in her 36 years, Jen Kilmer was silenced, but not without tears of sadness and despair. She could not stop crying…even after practice ended. The next day, Kilmer fell time after time attempting to do a quadruple lutz. Very few skaters have ever successfully done the quad lutz. Yon coached Kilmer, “You are not falling because you don’t know how to do the quad lutz. You are falling because Scott has not called in a week.” “What else am I gonna do, Yon?” Kilmer asked. “Call him again and apologize to him – for real this time. At least you’ll know you’ve tried. If you don’t see him again, so be it.” The day of the Women’s medal event arrived. Several of Kilmer’s competitors had subpar performances, which eased the pressure even more for her. Still…her pressure was not on the ice. She could probably do a very safe program and still win the gold. Jenny and Yon were in the locker room. Kilmer was stretching as part of her warmup routine. She spoke apathetically to Yon. “Scott’s not gonna show, Yon. I’ve pushed him away like all the other guys before him. I’ve been the biggest bitch to him. He put up with so much of my crap. I won’t be able to show any of my children my gold medals because there won’t be any husband to start a family,” she said confessingly as she started to cry. “ I AM gonna be a bitter old skating commentator for some TV network and I’ll smile my typical smile and show to the world that Jen Kilmer is the happiest woman in the world. I’m such a phony.” Kilmer’s name was announced on the public address, which meant that it was time for her two-minute warmup before her program. Kilmer skated gracefully and confidently as usual. She was a skating legend. In her mind, she was just going through the motions. She nailed some practice double and triple lutzes, which she could do in her sleep. As she skated toward her coach, she formed a puzzled look on her face. Yon was smiling and laughing next to a man who had his back turned to her. Jenny braked and as the man who was laughing with Yon turned around. “Scott,” Jenny said straining to say his name. She was finally able to get her breath. “Why? Why are you here? I thought I lost you.” “That’s what Yon thought too until I called him,” said Scott. “You called Yon, but you didn’t call me?” “Don’t push it.” I love you, Scott,” she said. “Thank you for being with me after I broke my ankle. You’ve always been there for me and I’ve treated you like crap. Like I told you on your message-phone, I am so sorry.” “All is forgiven, my dear. You can thank Yon for it.” Kilmer smiled at her coach. “I’m doing the quad lutz. And I’m gonna nail it!” “Are you insane? If you wanna win a sixth gold, don’t go for the quadruple lutz! You were lucky four years ago, but remember what you did last year in the Nationals? You fell flat on your ass!” Yon reminded her. “I’m gonna have fun this time, Yon. For the first time in the Olympics, I’m gonna have fun because I finally got everything that I’ve wanted. This is it. After this skate, I’m done. I’ve won the gold this year.” Yon nodded his head with approval and a slight smile. Scott had a puzzled look on his face. “You haven’t skated yet.” “Oh yes I DO HAVE the gold,” she took Scott in her arms. “He’s right here and I’m never gonna let him go,” she sniffled. “I have five gold medals. Now I want some babies. Will you marry me?” “Yes!” said Scott surprised. “I love you, Jen with every bone in my body.” Scott and Jenny kissed passionately as a couple of Olympic officials walked up to Yon to let him know that his skater was next. When they were done kissing, Yon tapped Jen on the shoulder. “Well then,” said Yon, “You’ve got one more skating duty. As you said, have fun.” He smiled widely. As her named was announced, Kilmer skated onto the ice with the biggest grin she ever had on her face. The crowd’s applause had never been louder for America’s Sweetheart. Kilmer could not hold back the tears of joy. She knew it was her last skate. Jenny Kilmer had won the gold even before her program. She won the gold medal in love.
This question and answer interview was done by Kathy Smith, one of Michael's loyal Virtual Assistants. Visit her website. Q: Michael, many times during your teleclasses and seminars, you say "abundance is a feeling." Can you elaborate on that statement - what do you mean it's a feeling? First one of the important things that we've come to learn with the Law of Attraction is that we can duplicate feelings. In other words, just through the words I use I can stimulate somebody or discourage them. In short, we can create feelings within ourselves and within others by what we say and what we think. Abundance is a feeling. Do you ever notice how excited you feel when you know you have a check coming or when you know you're getting an income tax refund? The excitement you're experiencing is the feeling of abundance. We feel abundant knowing that it's coming, even before we put it in the bank. So a question to ask is, "Do I feel abundant knowing that I'm receiving some money or do I feel abundant only when I put it in my bank account?" For most people, they feel abundant knowing that it's coming. It has nothing to do with whether that have it or not. So because abundance is a feeling, and the Law of Attraction responds to feelings (vibrations), what if we were able to duplicate the vibration of abundance deliberately? (This is what's called Deliberate Attraction). We've come to understand that this powerful force called the Law of Attraction is constantly checking to find a vibration that we're sending and duplicates it by giving us more of the same. So what if when the Law of Attraction is checking at every moment, that in that moment, we are offering the vibration of abundance? Given the formula, the Law of Attraction would duplicate that vibration and bring us more of the same. That's why it's called the Law. Q: How do you teach people to attract more abundance? The Law of Attraction does not care why you are offering a vibration. In other words, it does not care whether you are remembering, pretending, complaining, creating, day-dreaming or observing your reality. It obediently duplicates that vibration. So ideally, we would find something that makes us feel abundant and include it more often in our daily vibration. There are a number of tools that people can use to duplicate the vibration of abundance. I'll give you one of them today. Q: How do you record abundance in your own life? On my fridge, I have 15 - 2 dollar winning lottery tickets. So I can clearly and truthfully say I won the lottery 15 times last month. I'm a winner. Look how many times I've won! It's worth 30 dollars to me in the bank and it's worth much more to me vibrationally. You know when people buy those lottery scratch tickets? Most would celebrate the win for 21 seconds. So for 21 seconds, you are offering the vibration of abundance by saying things like, "Hey I just won 2 dollars! I love it when I win scractch tickets!" And after the short offering of abundance vibration, most people cash the ticket in again and again until they lose. And now they catch themselves saying, "I just wasted money on this lottery again. I only ever win 2 dollars. Easy come, easy go." Now they're in a place of offering a negative vibration. So here's how to take advantage of the 2 dollar winning lottery ticket. Don't cash it. Keep it in your wallet. Put it on your fridge. And as you look at it each time, it will be a brief reminder that you won 2 dollars. Now you can tell yourself, I won the lottery! I won money this week! And now, for more than 21 seconds, you are offering the vibration of abundance over and over and over again. Your 2 dollar winning lottery ticket is worth more to you vibrationally than the 2 dollars.
I was first thinking , when exactly does one start to yearn for acceptance? Is it when we are born? Is it when we first feel the pain of non-acceptance? Is it when we begin to be challenged in sports? Is it when we fall into the ever talked about `peer pressure`? Is it when we fall in love? Is it when we start a new job? Is it when we become a new member of a family? Is it when we move to a new city or country? Is it when we write our very first book? I believe it is all of the above, when people feel the need to be accepted, they will do leaps and bounds to succeed in this quest. Athletes and body builders will take drugs to win..winning=acceptance. When we fall in love , our entire being wants to feel accepted by our mate. Authors will spend hours and hours to write the exact words to please their readers and go to great lengths to publish their creation. Becoming a new member of a family whether it be through marriage or adoption will create a need to be nurtured as one who genuinely belongs. Starting a new job is a definite acceptance need, we need to fit in so we can relax and apply ourselves 100% to our job. Moving to a new country or city or even just a new neighbourhood, is very challenging for us and to be accepted and fit in, is a very important step in our settling in. Lets not forget` Peer Pressure` , that's a tough one, children just getting started in high school suffer the most with this one, hormones are swinging and their emotions are so sensitive. The fears that they have struggle with for the year before is all up front and they have a whole lot of reality to deal with. To fit in and be accepted by their peers is more than half the battle. Being a baby has a world of need to be accepted and see our parents smile when we please them. The pain of non acceptance for the first time cuts like a knife. It wounds us for life, creating a scar that we grow with forever. All these worries , needs and desires are in all of us that live and breathe. Some of us feel the hunger for acceptance less than others. Some of us cannot live with out acceptance , we become obsessed in our thinking, trying anything we can to fit in. Do you read the words "self esteem" in anything I have written here today. Yup and it is in every sentence. The need for acceptance somehow effects our self-esteem which in turns affects our emotional stability where jealousy , worry and anxiety seed from.. If you know the feeling of non-acceptance or low self-esteem, then you know how controlled you are by the worry that follows them and how much of your life is imprisoned by that other mind. Low self-esteem and non-acceptance are exactly that, `another mind` and one can actually feel them at war . It reminds me of the good devil and bad devil scenario. Trust me here it is no fun for the person that is imprisoned by it, not only do they have to balance the two minds, but they also have the guilt that they feel when they see what the result of the battle in their heads is doing to the people around them. The constant questions that one faces as in my blog FEELINGS!!!! are an added pain to the already lonely tortured person. So if anyone out there knows a person that suffers from non-acceptance or low self-esteem, HUGG them and please try to have more patience and understand that they are not having a picnic and that if just saying , "stop it" or "just don`t think about it" could stop it, they would in a heart beat. We all need support and acceptance to get us through our lows. Kicking someone when they are down, never ever helps them to get up. I am doing what I can through my web site and my blog to help educate people and help them understand what low self-esteem is all about and how very intense and serious it is. If any of you ever have any questions, please contact me or leave me a comment and I will do my best to answer it. Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website - womensselfesteem Weblog - justblogme/Dorothy Forum - womenselfesteem. proboards29.com email - dorothy@womensselfesteem
In today’s fast paced society, we’ve become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom. But the main thing we wish to elude is loneliness. Solitude does not have to alienating or lonesome. In fact, solitude and loneliness are distinctly separate. The death of a loved one or the inability to find people who understand you can leave you feeling isolated. Webster’s dictionary plainly describes loneliness as “being without companions.” It’s natural to experience an emptiness while longing for love or acceptance. Loneliness is therefore an emotive state that can be experienced whether or not one is physically alone. It was Geoffrey F. Fisher who said, “In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely.” We tend to fill loneliness with all types of distractions. For example, some single women would rather spend a Friday night with a man they have no genuine interest in, than spend the night alone. They long for a way of killing time while they await the man they are actually seeking. Then there are young adults who are involved in cliques where they can’t really relate to their companions. However, they would rather feel accepted on a superficial level than risk feeling outcast. So what is it about being alone that scares us? Do not be spooked by the unfamiliarity of silence. Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Only when we are alone, can we have the space and peace we need to think without being outwardly influenced. It therefore becomes easier to make important decisions as well as identify whatever feelings are culminating within. Get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself. Let the peace and understanding you find better equip you for the commotion of today’s world.
: What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is defined as a meticulous drive to attain excellence. A perfectionist is one who has this characteristic. 'Perfectionism' is a most prevalent belief in our civilization. Notice that I used the word 'belief'. Everywhere in this world of ours, perfectionism is regarded as good and desirable while imperfection is deem as bad or negative. Everybody wants everybody else to be perfect. Bosses want their employees to be flawless on the job. Parents want their kids to be the best. Perfectionists want their work and themselves to be perfect. Since it is so strongly regarded as being positive, is Perfectionism really an absolute or universal value? In my opinion, it is not so. To me, it is relative and is born of human conception. Perfection is an idea. It is an idea of a perceived ideal state of affair. However, things are the way they are. For every circumstances, the truth is what is at each instance. Perfection and imperfection are therefore merely attached values. I am not suggesting that perfectionism is not good. I am suggesting that perhaps perfectionism can cast a controlling net over our expression of happiness. One can reach the required goal with or without being a perfectionist. To be a perfectionist, on the other hand, leave very little room for one to accept and love oneself unconditionally when a desired goal is not met. And when our desires are not met, we feel unhappy or cannot be fully satisfied. However, the truth is we only have each moment of the Present Moment to live in. By being perfectionist, our mind will be forever planning and thinking about the future or lamenting about what went wrong in the past. Because of these tendencies, many perfectionists are unable to feel satisfaction because in their perception they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of contentment. From this, we can see a paradox of life. That is: "How can one have perfect peace, self-love and joy when one is a perfectionist? " Thank you for reading.
Being human can really be challenging, to say the least. We feel emotions with every breath we take, every move we make. Some emotions are so sweet that we never want to lose that feeling. Other emotions cause us so much anger and hurt that we are paralyzed with pain. Our minds use anger as a memory of a hurt that we have experienced. The memory is usually due to the fact that we neglected to express our hurt at the time for one reason or another. We tend to not show our anger or hurt because we do not want to cause a conflict or hurt another's feelings or ever admit those feelings. We also hang onto it because once we actually show we are angered, we are showing we are not perfect and that in fact we are human and can feel pain. But if we continue to push away our feelings to protect our perfect selves, we become less real and less connected to people in our lives, without even realizing how far we are pushing them away. Protecting another person from our hurts or anger is only imprisoning ourselves, so that they will never be able to reach us. If we do this long enough we cannot find happiness anywhere. When we are questioned why we are upset, we can not even find the beginning to the hurt we have hidden. The longer we hide our hurts and anger the more confusing they become. Things get all tangled up and if we dare try to explain, we are totally speaking another language. Have you ever been hurt by someone and then they make it impossible for you to explain why you are angered? Those people can do a lot of damage, they are controllers. When you can identify that type of person, only then can you fight back and tell them, "please just shut up and listen". If you want to be unhappy then keep hanging onto that hurt. It will definitely drag your self-esteem to the bottom. Hurt is a pain of the moment and it is happening right now. Its reason is right there in front of you. You must deal with it or you will only hide it and end up alone in your prison of loneliness. The longer you hold back, the more angry you become with you, for not acting out. That's when guilt moves right on in and takes over, making you want to get even with that person. Your negative thoughts are seeded now and nothing feels good. Is this a good thing? NOT!!! It is definitely not easy to risk being called oversensitive, or told that you are just causing a fight, or they just laugh you off like you are a child. You may even find that this person doesn`t really care about you. Better to find that out asap, don`t you think? These FEELINGS of hurt and anger have a way of taking over our lives. Is it not better to let it out now than to live in an unhappy life of silence? Tell someone how you feel, when you feel it, or you will only lock those FEELINGS up inside you and trust me, you will lose yourself. You may even hurt the one you love, but honesty is the best way. I believe that with a true love you should be able to tell that person anything and yes even if you feel hurt or angered by them. Love conquers anger and hurt. It battles jealousy and helps lift you to a higher self-esteem! To be truly happy and not endure the prisons of negative emotions, we need to be heard. We need to be understood. We need to be forgiven. We also need to be loved and cared for. And my sweet readers, on that note, I will leave you with another tip to strengthen your courage to keep climbing that mountain to a better you! Take responsibility for your life. You have the power to make things better. And most importantly, you have a choice! Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website - womensselfesteem Weblog - justblogme/Dorothy Forum - womenselfesteem. proboards29.com email - dorothy@womensselfesteem
For many people happiness is an elusive butterfly in the garden of life. Imagine a young child in the garden on a summer day. The child sees a beautiful butterfly flitting from flower to flower. With eyes of wonder the child wants to see it close up, touch it, and hold it in their hands. The child goes towards the flower that the butterfly is resting on, with arms out stretched, only to find as he just gets in reach, the butterfly moves to another flower. Undeterred the child follows the butterfly to the next flower, and then the next, but the butterfly always stays just out of reach. As adults, happiness can seem just like that butterfly, always just out of reach. It becomes almost an obsession and the words “if only…” become an increasingly large part of our thoughts and vocabulary. If only I had more money I would be happy, if only I was in a great relationship I would be happy, if only I could have a different job……….and the list goes on. Even if we achieve one of our “if only “desires, the happiness we seek is still just out of our reach. The truth of the saying “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” becomes our focus and perception. If this becomes our focus, we find that dissatisfaction and unhappiness increasingly keep growing in our life and experience. The unhappiness within us can not be completely satisfied by external events or circumstances. To find happiness in life we must first be at peace with ourselves internally. External events and circumstances can bring us happiness in the moment, but they do not have a lasting effect on our inner self. Life experience brings a mixture of good and bad circumstances to everyone. To rely on life’s experiences for our source of happiness would mean living life in a constant emotional roller coaster ride. Happiness comes from within. The inner contentment that survives the roller coaster ride of life has its roots deep within our being. The source of happiness comes from finding and embracing who we are as a person, and living a life of purpose. We need to find peace in every aspect of our life - the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. To discover acceptance, purpose and peace in all of these areas will give a sense of completion in life. If we neglect any one of these areas, we experience a sense of emptiness and feel something is missing. There is not a solid foundation for building happiness within, but we then, typically start to try to fill this incompleteness by looking for outside solutions. That is the point when we can fall into the ‘elusive butterfly’ syndrome, and experience such frustration. Is happiness an elusive butterfly for you? Spend some time in quiet reflection. Are you neglecting one of the four important parts of who you are and experiencing a sense of emptiness within? The more you discover, embrace and accept your uniqueness and purpose, the more you will experience the butterfly of happiness alighting on your shoulder.
Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart occasionally, I'm certain that many of us would find at least one moment during our day where we could pause, reflect on a situation, and see something that we can do to make a difference in someone else's life. The pace of life and work has increased a lot and I daresay we don't give as much thought as we could to the circumstances of other people's lives. Sometimes, we're so caught up in our own struggle that we don't think we can even afford the time to "give" our time, suggestions, talents, to others. And yet, if we do, we are rewarded. We are often times, throughout our lives, able to experience richness, synchronicity, and reward through small acts of generosity. This isn't even about money, although sometimes the rewards will impact our financial status as well. And yet, we fail too often when we are so self-absorbed or consumed by our own situation thinking we'd give up too much by helping. So, this is just a gentle reminder for all of us to pay attention to at least one "little thing" that will make a difference for someone else. Try to make it for someone you don't know well or don't know at all; family and friends are too easy and natural.