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    Laughter play fun joy happiness

     

    Copyright 2006 Marshall House You have your own unique constructs and beliefs and views about laughter and play and fun and joy and happiness. As does each person. In this article, I focus first on the dynamic of laughter and then combine play and fun as one pair and joy and happiness as another pair to capture nuances that single words would not. Laughter I love to laugh -- if you know me personally, you already know that. When first studying key contributors to the field of stress management, I was so pleased to learn that one good belly laugh each day does wonders for us all. Physiologically, laughter introduces oxygen into the body in a way that few other actions can. Laughter also exercises inner muscles that are otherwise hard to exercise. Healing on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels are often attributed to the act of laughing. For laughter to be effective, the content or stimulus is irrelevant. Dr. Norman Cousins used Candid Camera television shows and Marx Brothers movies to stimulate laughter that promoted self-healing which he wrote about in his ground-breaking publications. I have friends I laugh with about things that are not funny to anyone but us. We laugh with tee-hees and guffaws and belly laughs. It's deeply healing. It's fun. We do not need a reason -- we just use and appreciate the synergy of each other. I have another friend, a health care practitioner, who has suggested that I gather a group of laughers together and make an audio tape. No content to try to get someone to laugh. Just laughing to laugh and to laugh more. He guarantees I will sell many of these tapes because the laughter will inspire others to laugh. If you try to agree with others about what is funny, you would probably argue yourself out of laughing. "Star Trek: The Next Generation" fans know Data's difficulty with grasping what is funny to humans. My point is that it is not necessary for anything "to be funny" in order to laugh or to benefit from laughter. Play and Fun Placing these two words together usually generates a feeling of spontaneity that is not easy to define using a single word. Many people "play" at their work. I once heard James Galway, one of the world's greatest flutists, say that he has never worked a day in his life. Fun for you may feel like a chore for me and vice versa. You know instinctively if it is play or fun by how you feel -- light and free and happy, for example. Joy and Happiness Some people like to make a distinction between joy and happiness. Defining these words differently is quite acceptable, but it is a feeling that I want to identify, so I define them interchangeably. Joy or happiness is an energy or a feeling that transcends activities. If you are in a state of joy or happiness, you are in a state of mind and feeling that is not dependent on what you are doing, where you are, or who you are with. No matter what you do or have or do not do or do not have, if you are in a state of joy or happiness, you feel and emit a wonderful feeling that further attracts more joy and happiness. Joy and happiness come from inside you and burst from you -- perhaps as a hot fire, perhaps as a warm glow. No matter how this energy may be emitted, it is more than a facade, more than a smile. It is life-giving. Finding Your Own Part of the fun of the human journey is finding those who resonate to a similar vibration as yours. Laughter has an undeniable vibration -- and you know the difference between a jeering laugh and a joyous one. I find that people often describe themselves has having a "good sense of humor." In fact, I now find this to be such a common self-acclaimed attribute that it is meaningless. I think the discerning quality when looking for similar others is whether or not you laugh or smile at similar things. As adults, you tend to seek out activities and persons with similar vibrations and interests. Sometimes for your personal development or education, you may seek out very different types, often returning to "your own." By "your own" I want to be clear that I am not referring to same skin-colored persons staying together or all Germans staying in Germany. I mean "like" below the obvious exterior, "like" spiritually, "like" vibrationally. The Path of Joy and Happiness You can not create joy by poking fun at or ridiculing someone or by being poked. You may learn by the "poking" that you do not want to experience more of that and you may learn to protect yourself from being poked. But do not delude yourself into believing that poking is joy. If someone is hurt by a sharp barb, it is an act of unhappiness and disempowerment. Laughter is an energy that can propel you along the Path of Joy. Joyful laughter helps to lighten the load. This is a time to lighten up with many paths and techniques and modalities. Laughter is one path that is always available.

         
    Learn how to love yourself

     

    I’m sure you read a lot of times this sentence : you need first to love yourself. But what does that mean? Is it about getting you a hot chocolate when you are cold? Is it about getting you a new dress when you feel like it? Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside? Loving yourself means to learn to treat you like a loving parent would do with his child. When you are an adult, and I assume you are, you still have an Inner Child inside you. These are your emotions. At that level you still react like a child of 3-4 years old. Your emotions can not get older or mature. But you can get mature. You can learn how to respect them and how to handle them. You can learn how to take care of this Inner Child. When you are not aware of your Inner Child, you try to live in an adult world like a 4-year old boy or girl. You feel all alone, afraid of the big nasty world there outside, not knowing what to do, where to ask for help, how to protect you. This is a very difficult way of doing. You will always feel afraid, fearful, doubtful, tired. It is hard to try to survive as a child in a grown up world. You will feel angry and afraid most of the time, and lost. Why is that? Because nobody takes care of that Little Child inside you. Let’s say your name is Charlotte. You are 42 years old. Inside you lives the little Charlotte. She’s four. When you are busy in the outside world taking care of other people, of business, of getting around, of doing a thousand things every day, the little Charlotte will feel overlooked. When you’re always running to help others, to make sure their needs are fulfilled, you will be exhausted every night and cry in your bed. Sometimes you will get temper tantrums. You will feel very angry without any reason (but still there is one, a big one!). All these big emotions are attempts from your Inner Child to get your attention. Imagine you have, besides your children, husband, collegues, parents, friends, a little four-year old girl named Charlotte. Nobody ever notices her. Nobody takes care of her. Whenever she tries to tell something and get some attention, you shout to her “Shut up!”. You say “I have to take care of my parents, my work, my husband, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, my house… I don’t have time for you!” How do you think she will feel? What do you think she will do? First she will try to get your attention by showing big emotions. She will cry a lot, she will scream and shout, maybe she’s getting aggressive from time to time. You think you’re angry at the outside world, but it is Your Inner Child that is angry with YOU! She’s sad and angry because you don’t care about her! You act as if she doesn’t exist! Nothing is worse than acting as if our Inner Child doesn’t exist. This means trying to live as if WE don’t exist. The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one's self. Nothing is worse than this! How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else. How many times did we say to our Inner Child “Shut up, you are not important, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you”? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come the desire of the other one before ours. This little Charlotte inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say :”It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it”, and she will get depressed. Of course you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents. It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her. When, after getting depressed things still don’t change, there’s one weapon left to catch your attention : little Charlotte will get sick. Or she will get an accident. Maybe that way the adult Charlotte will learn to give finally attention to her Inner Child, which is as real (if not more) as a real child of flesh and blood. You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself. What does that mean? First you need to develop an Inner Mother. If you were lucky and had a loving caring mother, you can take her as an exemple. Otherwise you need to invent, to create this Inner Mother, which is your feminine caring energy. Everytime you have an emotion, your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child : “What happens, my darling?” Listen to what your Inner Child has to say. Than you go on with the dialogue. Inner Mother says : “Come heree in my arms, I love you as you are. I love you with what you feel.” Doing that, the heaviness of the emotions will drop pretty much. Than you say these words : “I understand”. These words are very important, because most of the time we don’t feel very “normal” having the feelings we have and we try to ignore or suppress them, which makes them heavier. “I understand, my darling, come here in your Mothers arms, I love you.” Stay with these words and feelings for a while, and than ask :” What do you need?” Whatever the Child answers, you say : “We will ask this of your Father”. And here starts the task of your Inner Father, who is there to protect you and to act for you in the outside world. You would never send a four-year old asking for a raise at work or getting to resolve a conflict at school or with the neighbours, would you? So why do you try it? Send out your Inner Father to take care of whatever you have to do in the outside world. Your Inner Father is your male energy, which enables you to make decisions, to take action, to follow your inner guidance (which is located in you Inner Child, also called Intuition) and to manifest your Child’s desires in the world. When your Child has a need, for instance to call someone or to go somewhere to arrange something, imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his Mother who takes care of his feelings (“I understand you’re afraid…”) and that your Inner Father (another part of your being) goes out there to act. Your Inner Father is that part of you which is able to handle stress, to take action, to arrange conflicts and all other stuff that has to do with the outside world. If that part is missing because you didn’t have a good model when you were little yourself, you will have to create and develop it. Of course your Inner Child, Mother and Father are all parts of you. It is all you. It is just a model to understand what is happening inside you and how you can learn to love yourself. Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels and taking action in the desired direction. Loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion. Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself. It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. Your are not alone. You are loved and you are protected. You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little Child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love. This is inner healing.

         
    Life happiness

     

    Is it really possible to attain a lifetime of happiness or is this just some dumb dream that we all have from time to time – well I can’t promise you a lifetime of happiness each and every day of your life – JUST MOST DAYS. Now if someone had told me that a few years ago I would have quickly made my apologies and run well away from them – they could have been aliens from another planet trying to capture me with their crazy ideas, but then are those ideas so crazy after all? I had lived a pretty average life just like the majority of us – nothing really spectacular had happened – I left school, went to college, got a job, got married, had children, went to work to provide for us all, took my holiday entitlements and repeated the same sequence of events and activities each year. Nothing wrong with that I hear you say and OK that’s how we all live so what’s wrong with that? – right? – well NO actually. How many times have we looked at our lives and just wondered what it was all about and was there anything else - perhaps a meaning and a purpose to life – that’s made all the more important when you’ve become a raving alcoholic like I was and was living in a mobile home on my own after a separation from my wife and children. What happened on that December day in 2002 was nothing short of a modern day miracle and even now, writing this, the hairs on my arms stand up as I still can’t quite believe what has happened – not only am I back reunited with my wife and children and more in love than I ever was before I’ve never touched either a drink or a cigarette since that day and even more astounding have never had the urge or desire for either one of them since. I have never enjoyed life so much as this and the buzz I STILL get, almost 3 years later just gets better and better. I am still so overwhelmed by what happened to me and so wanted to share this with the world that I wrote my book in the hope and anticipation that it can have the same dramatic affect on your life that it did on mine and that you in turn can have the same effect on theirs – now what a legacy that would be to leave mankind. A recent testimonial, exerts of which are included below, show just why I want this book to reach and touch people who are looking for what I’ve found. I LAVISHED your book. My life was in shambles; my wife had divorced me and tonight I was in such a state of despair that I had rung my Mother to tell her that suicide was my only option - after reading your book I have a peace about me that I have not had since I was 19 and I'm 56 now. Thank you thank you for allowing God to speak through you to me - I now feel a complete relief from all the pain and misery I have known for the past 37 years and I thank you for saving my life - actually GOD SAVED MY LIFE but you threw me the life preserver - may God continue to bless you, your family and your ministry. Roy Thompson, Atlanta, Georgia - [email protected] net

         
    Life is a gift open and enjoy it

     

    There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser that I was given when I was ten years old! As you can tell I have pack rat tendencies! For me that pattern started as a young child. I could never bear to throw things away. There was more to it than not wanting to throw things away. I loved the feeling I had when I would receive something new, and would not want to spoil it by using it unless it was for something special. I would want to save it for a special occasion. A new dress would sit in the closet, until a special event to wear it. Perfume would sit on my dresser, not to be used for everyday, but for a special ‘something’. This was a pattern in my life for many years. Recently though I’ve realized that this is not the best perspective to live life. I don’t want to be like that woman on the Titanic, who when was being lowered into the lifeboat said…”If I’d known this was going to happen I would have had that Chocolate Mousse dessert.” This reflects a view of life that speaks a lie. It is a false belief that if I enjoy something now, I won’t be able to look forward to anything good like that in the future. This belief steals the joy from living in the present, and also lies to me about what the future might hold. Often it takes sad or traumatic situation to cause a person to stop and take stock their life’s perspective and lifestyle. For example, let me tell you how it happened for Ruth. One day, out of the blue, Ruth got one of those devastating ‘phone calls’ that we all dread receiving. Her sister Jane had passed away unexpectedly. Ruth went over to the home to help her brother in law with the sad task of preparation for the funeral. They were in the bedroom deciding on clothes Jane would wear as she was laid to rest. He pulled out of the drawer some beautiful lingerie wrapped in tissue. Ruth gasped as she saw the astronomical cost on the price tag. “Jane bought this in Paris 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. I guess this is it.” he said. It was exquisitely, handmade in silk, with a delicate cobweb of lace. As he slammed the drawer shut he said something that changed Ruth’s life for ever. “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion! After the funeral, Ruth began to evaluate her life from a different perspective. She began to see life as something to be enjoyed not endured. Ruth started to make changes, although small at first, for Ruth they had great significance. She sat in the garden more and didn’t worry about the weeds. She wore expensive perfume on ordinary days, after all co workers and cashiers have noses that function just as well as party goers! She lit that candle that had been sitting as a centre piece on the dining room table collecting dust. She got that cracked window fixed, that she’d been meaning to do for years. She invited those friends round for dinner that she’d seen at the last sixteen weddings, and said we must get together. Ruth determined that she would live each day as if it was her last. Now every morning when Ruth opens her eyes, she tells herself that this day is special. Every day, every breath, every minute of her life is truly a gift from God. Your life perspective changes when you start living each day as if it was your last. You start to look at all the things that you want to accomplish in life and actually get started!! You stop watching everyone else doing it. Have the courage to start thinking “It’s my turn now” and do what is in your heart. Grandma Moses began a painting career at age seventy six. Golda Meir was elected Prime Minister of Israel in 1969 at age seventy one. I recently met a lady in her eighties who, in the last two years, had been white-water rafting, and hiking in the Himalayas. She was excitedly planning her next trip! Don’t wait years, or until something traumatic happens to get your attention. Start now to reflect on your life’s perspective and begin living without regrets. I love this quote by Peter Sage, speaker and entrepreneur : Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow - What a Ride!"

         
    Life is wonderful

     

    It is so simple and so easy to get what we want that we have a hard time to believe it. We are programmed to do things the hard and difficult way, in order to get what we want. We can not believe that we can get anything without hard labour, sweat and tears, obstacles and misery. This is nothing else but a tough old programmation, a conditioning from our childhood. If you are like me, you were bombarded as a child with expressions from adults about how hard life is and how we have to struggle to get something. We were submitted to a hazardous universe or a God of revenge who could pick us out without any reason to take revenge on us for something we did wrong. We needed to avoid being bad or wrong, but disease could strike us anyway. Sometimes they even said : “It’s again a good one who’s punished, and the bad one take off easily like usual without paying anything!”. We learned that life wasn’t fair. We lived in fear and thought life was a valley of tears, fear, struggle, pain, disease and death? How would it have been if they’ve told us the truth? The truth, nothing but the truth? That life is easy, wonderful. That miracles happen all the time and that we have the power to make them happen in our own life! That the universe loves us. That there is wealth and health for everyone. That we don’t live in a universe of scarcity but of abundance. That we only have to put the right thoughts in our heads to make these dreams real for us. What would your life have looked like if your parents and teachers would have taught you the truth? You would have suffered much less! You would not have believed you were less than nothing. You would not have been filled with fear over your ears of getting sick or failing, of being stupid or being not good enough. If you would have known from the beginning that you were a creation of the Creator, that you will always remain, that you will always be around, that you were created for a reason, and when you find this reason you will be happy, what would your life look like now? If you were told that you had talents, unique qualities, that make you a special person, and that you are on earth with the mission to offer these talents to others, where would you be right now and what would you be doing now? Isn’t it nice? The Genius who created this whole thing did really well : we are sent to earth with a mission and to be able to assume our mission we are already fully equiped from the beginning : we are gifted with natural talents and all we have to do is develop our talents and offer them to the world! Simply said, we have to do what we can do easily already and what we are talented for, and than happiness, satisfaction, love, money and everything we want comes flowing our way! It is so beautiful, this concept! All we have to do is to do what we love! And of course we need to stop once for all to think we don’t deserve happiness or wealth or health. All these thoughts are wrong because they go against the principles of creation of the Universe. We are already wonderful! We are already loved! We are already rich! We are already free! We are already intelligent! We are already healthy! Why? Because we were all this before we started our life. It is the way we really are. It is the way we were created, we were born. This is the truth about ourselves. Everything else is “learned” afterwards. The good news is whatever is learned can be un-learned. Every programmation can be changed and replaced by a new program. And again, life is wonderful, because a positive thought is 10,000 times more powerful than a negative thought. So you don’t have to take another 40 years to undo the negative conditioning in your head. One positive thought can counterbalance 10,000 negative ones. Can you imagine? Aren’t we lucky? If you choose to do so, you can rapidly turn around your negative program in your head. Go to the bookstore, buy some books with positive thoughts, put them at every toilet in the house, in the bathroom, in your bedroom, in your living room, and read them whenever you think of it or see them. It doesn’t matter if you read one page after another or if you just open the book as it falls in your hands. The message you will receive will be the right one for you at that very moment. Every morning you start your day by saying thank you to the Universe for your bed, your house, the roof over your head, the people living with your, the water coming out of your tap, the light switching on by a simple gesture of your hand, the food available, the choices you can make that day, the love you received in your life and the love you will receive, the miracles which will happen today and the air you can breath. In your car, listen to CD’s or cassettes with positive programmation. Listen to them while you make dinner, clean the house or iron your clothes. Surround yourself with positive people and stop nourishing negative social talk. Don’t watch television unless there is some really positive program. There is a lot you can do to take a positive turn in your life. Don’t think you can do nothing. You are responsible for your life now. Make your choice! Know that every thought you think is either one which will weaken you, or one which will make you feel stronger. The choice is yours!

         
    Living a happy life

     

    Most of us get up each day and go through the same routine whatever we do in life – most of us are reasonably happy and content and just get on with living. There is of course nothing wrong with that in the slightest but what would you say if you were granted the gift of REAL happiness which lead you down a path of such peace and contentment that no other experience you’ve had to date could compare. You know what it’s like when you are looking forward to Christmas, the anticipation and the excitement just builds and builds. The same is true when the countdown to your holiday begins and then the joy of the holiday itself. Well how would you like those feelings of pure joy, anticipation and excitement to be with you on a daily basis and then to find that the fulfilment part is even better – a feeling that you could just “burst for joy” and an inner peace and contentment that you’ve only ever seen at the movies? Well I’ve found just that and the adrenalin seems to be pumping all the time and the buzz and excitement I get from life still amazes me. I had the most amazing experience just under 3 years ago and my life changed dramatically from that day on and the incredible thing is that it just gets better and better – the miraculous gift that I’ve been given is something that I feel driven to expose the rest of mankind too, regardless of race colour or creed. It was for that reason my book formed (I had been writing a few details of my experiences and at the time I had no intention of actually writing a book) and I just want to share this experience because if we could all feel like I do now the world would be such a different place to live in not just for us but for our children and their children and so on – a happy life is there for us all if we just accept the wondrous gift that is on offer – a gift that actually costs us nothing at all. A recent testimonial, exerts of which are included below, show just why I want this book to reach and touch people who are looking for what I’ve found. I LAVISHED your book. My life was in shambles; my wife had divorced me and tonight I was in such a state of despair that I had rung my Mother to tell her that suicide was my only option - after reading your book I have a peace about me that I have not had since I was 19 and I'm 56 now. Thank you thank you for allowing God to speak through you to me - I now feel a complete relief from all the pain and misery I have known for the past 37 years and I thank you for saving my life - actually GOD SAVED MY LIFE but you threw me the life preserver - may God continue to bless you, your family and your ministry. Roy Thompson, Atlanta, Georgia - [email protected] net

         
    Living with joy

     

    Living with joy can sometimes be a challenge. When things appear to be going against our will, we tend to experience this as pain, suffering, or that we’re having a bad day. Recognizing that we are in control of our feelings, and that we have the choice to live in joy, or in fear is the first step to creating a life full of joy and positivity. One principle that we all need to acquire is the ability to see all situations, people, and events from a positive perspective. Instead of viewing bad things in life as a prompt to get upset and angry, try to view the “bad things” as lessons that are helping you grow, helping you to become as whole of an individual as possible. Too many times, we think that the outer world, the physical reality is creating our day, causing us to be sad or unhappy; however it is the opposite that is true. We create our day, we create the circumstances for joyous living. The most important lesson is that “beingness” precedes experience. In order to be happy, we first need to “be happy” inside, and this internal happiness radiates outward through every cell of our bodies and creates the outer experience of a smile, or a laugh, or an intimate connection between two people. It is in this “beingness” that we have the ability to see and to choose our feelings, desires, goals, and dreams, which then enables us to manifest an outer reality based on our true selves. We create the reality in which we experience joy, anger, love, and fear. Because we have the ability, the free will, to choose our reality, we can make that conscious choice to try to just be happier, more grateful, and more sensitive. This happiness though will never come if you are looking outside of yourself first. Because, what we just learned is that in order to be happy we have to have the internal feeling of happiness to then create that happiness in our daily lives. Remember that your beliefs about reality create your experience of it. So, start changing your negatives into positives, gain clarity, and open your heart by looking inside yourself. When we start changing ourselves from inside out, the universe will respond to us in ways in which we could never imagine. The ability to start manifesting your goals and dreams is already inside of you. Take the leap to start living in joy today.

         
    Looking for happiness stop looking in your neighbor s yard

     

    : We’ve all heard the clichй ‘The grass is always greener in our neighbor’s yard’. What they don’t tell you is that his grass still has to be mowed, watered, weeded, raked and fertilized. The Buddha was the first to recognize that emotional pain can be just as real and debilitating as physical pain. Through careful observation he determined that people were good at spending time on their physical hygiene, but spent little or no time on mental hygiene. He believed that the key to finding happiness was in relieving one’s emotional suffering and that the best way to reduce this suffering was by controlling our emotions. Just as a good mother watches where her children go, the wise man watches where his mind goes. One of the harmful emotions that the Buddha taught we need to watch is envy. Envy is time spent wanting what our neighbor has instead of time spent enjoying what we have. Now it’s true that when used properly envy can be a terrific motivator. The problem is that real envy -- always wanting more and then discovering that more still isn’t enough -- is difficult to control. The Buddha taught that the way to achieve happiness begins with turning negative thoughts in to positive ones. The successful landscaper knows that for his lawn to thrive it needs to be weeded and fertilized. The person seeking happiness can begin by following his example and weeding out any negative thoughts and then planting positive ones. Many people believe that happiness is just a winning lottery ticket away, but true happiness is not based on how much we have, but on how little we need. Happiness is accepting, appreciating and enjoying what the world has to offer. True happiness can only be achieved if we spend more time weeding out envious thoughts rather than in trying to match or better our neighbor’s lawn. Just because an elephant is the biggest doesn’t mean he’s also the best animal in the jungle. Sometimes it is as simple as taking the time to look back at how far you’ve come instead of always looking ahead to where you want to be. When was the last time you took a moment to pat yourself on the back for the things you have accomplished? Besides, maybe your neighbor works harder at his yard than you do, or maybe he’s just luckier. Is matching or bettering your neighbor’s accomplishments really that important? We all get to choose how we spend our time. Stop looking at your neighbor’s yard and start enjoying your own, that’s what it’s there for. Weed out the envy and you’ll find your whole outlook improving. Happy gardening.

         
    Love is the answer sounds trite but it s true

     

    It’s all about love. It may seem trite to say, but its true. Love is where it’s at. What do you want to do in life? It goes easier with love in your heart. Want better relationships, or a better family life? Make sure love is in your heart. Trying to do a better job at work? Do it with love. Trying to make a difference in anything? Start by finding love. Is there pain in your life that needs mending? Love is what heals. Are you lonely; still looking for that special someone? Love will find a way. In a world of pain and anguish, of seemingly endless problems and crises, love is so often forgotten or overlooked. In times of national crisis does anyone advocate love and forgiveness? And how often do you, when faced with interpersonal conflict, remember to keep love in your heart for the person you are facing? This, of course, is not to say that love alone will solve all problems. But it is to say that all approaches to any problem will always resolve quicker and easier and will lead toward healing when love is consciously present. Violence does not stop violence; it only breeds more violence. Period. The scars born of violence do not go away; rather, they fester and return in kind. Love dissipates violence. Not always immediately, but always eventually. This is why the most powerful advocates for peace are the most vocal advocates for love. We need only look at leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, who both advocated nonviolent protest and loving the enemy, to see that armies may be conquered and systematic repression can be stopped with the use of long-term campaigns of love, kindness, and forgiveness. Again, this is not to say that love alone is a panacea, a magic pill that cures all. It is only to say that all methods and plans for positive change will always work better when there is an undercurrent of conscious loving energy. Love is the one thing that is universally revered as being good for us all, and yet, with tragic consequence, it is so often ignored as a technique for change. Indeed, finding and keeping love in our hearts is the only way to consistently promote and effect healing, on both a personal and a national level. It is fear that drives us to violence, as individuals and as nations. It takes courage to look beyond that fear and to consider that forgiveness and acceptance are necessary elements in any healthy relationship, whether it’s between two people or between two cultures. Fear pushes away; love brings together. Love is the universal element that can be used in any situation where positive change is needed. It is not the only element, but is the element that can be used anytime, anywhere. Love is the answer.

         
    Making everyday a special day

     

    The same sun, the same sky, the same home, and the same routine. Life is boring. Every day is same. How to carry on from day to day? Why does a week not have seven sundays? Don't you find yourself saying - 'I want to enjoy life. I am getting bored with my schedule that never changes. There is no excitement in my life.' Ask few friends around their life and they will say something similar. Why is life becoming a bore for them and how to make it exciting? Can one escape work? No sensible person can? Can a parent stop caring for his/her children? No. Can an executive stop taking decisions? No. Then how to make life exciting? There must be some way. Yes, there is a way and it is very simple. Just look out of your window and watch the sky. Do you observe any clouds? Look at them. Look at the different shapes? Who made them? From where did they arrive and where will they go? Look at some flowers in your home. Observe the symmetry. Touch and feel the softness. How lovely! We are surrounded by treasures, but we have no time to look at them. A child's smile can make today a different day than any other day. Try to make a child smile and feel the joy. Look at the night sky. Observe the stars and think about the distances. Some are so far away that it takes light, hundreds of years to reach us. How many millions of years you will take to walk and reach them? What is beyond them? Observe, think and get excited. Life need never be dull for any of us. Take another example. While sitting on your table, have you ever wondered about the wood that was used to make it? Have you thought about the life of the tree? A small seed grew into a gigantic tree. How exciting. What of the tar on the road? It comes from deep inside the earth, goes to refineries and is laid on the roads. How deep must the oil well have been? How did they locate the oil and what will happen after we finish all the oil? The world is full of objects that can make us think and wonder. It is our attitude that makes our life. If we adopt a child-like attitude towards things, we will bring joy back in life. I am not asking you to give up your work and enjoy. But find time during the day to look at things and wonder. Bring joy back in your life. You can begin right now. Look at your screen. What happens to the text after you shut down your computers? Where do they all go, when you close the browser? Isn't life full of excitement? Live it.

         
    Managing my resistance learning to flow with what life offers

     

    : One of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in which this resistance causes me to miss key moments, when I might respond with purpose and intention but do not. Resistance is a reactive habit. When I resist, I'm on automatic, and I fail to spot the opportunity to respond with the conscious engagement of being fully present. Aikido – the martial art I practice and teach – suggests that resistance escalates conflict. When I push, the conflict pushes back. Aikido replaces resistance with alignment and redirection.

    I change my view from "this person is attacking me" to "this person is offering energy that I can use." Aikido (pronounced eye-key-doe) is Japanese for "the way of blending with energy." Ki means universal energy or life force. Ki Moments are those in which we are fully aware of our life force and our ability to influence our environment. In aikido, the attack is inevitable, a part of life. We can influence the outcome of the attack by the way in which we engage and direct it. Will I resist and create a contest, ensuring a win-lose outcome? Or will I practice aikido and transform the attack into a gift of energy? How do I make these choices when I am feeling attacked?

    To begin:

    • Have a positive and useful purpose. Without a purpose to guide us in the conflict, we end up falling back on habitual patterns of reaction. Refocusing on purpose answers the question "What am I really going for here?" and directs the conflict toward a useful outcome.
    • Practice skills and techniques that move us toward our purpose. We have reactive habits that – in the heat of the moment – take us away from the goal.

      Changing our conflict "habits" requires skill building, practice and persistent application. My work focuses on bringing aikido principles to life in "off the mat" scenarios – the life "attacks" that we experience in the workplace, in our relationships, and in difficult life events that can occur at any time. How can we turn daily conflicts into life teachers? Just by asking the question, we begin to transform conflict moments into ki moments and attacks into energy we can use to build the kinds of home, work, and community environments we want to live in.

         
    Money can not buy you happiness

     

    I am sure there will be many people who read this article and will think I am rather mad. Quite frankly I do not care. In this article I write about what in my humble opinion are the most importants things in life, health and happiness. All that most of my friends talk about is money: What car do you drive? How much is your house worth? How much do you earn? How much did your suit cost? Where are you going on holiday this year? I find all of this very boring and think that they are rather sad. They seem to be in some sort of competition and they are basically obsessed about money. I will give you an example of one such friend, his name is John. He never seems to talk about anything else and is always looking into get rich quick schemes. He is also in a lottery syndicate, of which there are about fifty members. Each member pays around ten pounds in per week. John likes to go out socialising on a Saturday night, however soon gets itchy feet at the time of the lottery draw. A few minutes later he will go to the toilet where he will then phone his girlfriend. He takes with him to the toilet a piece of paper with his numbers on and a little pen. After his girlfriend has told him which numbers were drawn, John will then then spend around twenty minutes checking his numbers, and then re-checking to see if he has any winning lines. Eventually he returns to the group who seem very keen (apart from me) to find out how much he has won/lost. To date he has only won small amounts, however is convinced that one day he will become a millionaire. He will then start talking about the lottery, asking other people what they would buy if they were lucky enough to ever win. At this point I become very bored and start to wish I had stayed at home and watched the football. For me the two most important things in life are health and happiness. These are two things which money can not buy. A few years ago, my dad was taken ill. He was in a real bad way and had to spend around five months in hospital. Him being ill was a huge shock to me as he was only fifty-seven. I feared the worst, even though I was trying my hardest to think and stay positive. I remember thinking, if I gave those doctors everything I own in the world, it still would not help him. I felt powerless and at that moment realised that money is only paper. Happiness is the same, I remember at the age of twenty-one having lots of money and had been surprised that I was depressed at the same time. At other times I have had next to no money and have been extremely happy.

         
    New year s resolutions don t be so hard on yourself

     

    Have you set resolutions for yourself to accomplish in 2006? Maybe you want to get more exercise, eat healthier, or spend more time with your family. If you're in business for yourself, maybe you are thinking about hiring a bookkeeper, working fewer hours, or beefing up your marketing plan. All of those things are very good goals, but how do you really feel about them? If you're like me, you probably think that you need resolutions, and furthermore, you have to accomplish all of them in order to be successful. How can we not feel that way when the media is chirping away about making and keeping our new year's resolutions? Well, maybe you should go a little easier on yourself. What about trying just one new thing to improve your life in some small way? This can either be something personal or professional. The important thing to remember is that this "thing," whatever it is, should be important to you, and bring value to your life in some way. Even if it's just taking 20 minutes at the end of each day to kick back, close your eyes and do absolutely nothing; if that will improve your peace-of-mind or help you to relax, that's great -- mission accomplished! Try to remember that we are all human, and that no one is perfect. Take baby steps to reach your goals, and they won't seem so overwhelming. And if things are just fine in your life right now, and you don't feel the need to make any improvements, then don't. It's that simple. Don't worry about having lofty goals -- just focus on smaller ones as you see fit. By taking care of yourself, and not putting the pressure on to create resolutions that you may never keep, you'll be able to enjoy 2005 to your fullest. Here's to a healthy, happy, and successful year ahead...your way!!

         
    Night and day choosing your reality

     

    : "There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare The title of this great Cole Porter song -Night and Day - also describes the sometimes changeable nature of my outlook on life. Example: It is late evening, and I'm thinking about all I have to accomplish in the week ahead - book publishing details, workshop preparation, handouts to finish, that audiorecording script I want to write, a call to my sister, plane reservations to Chicago, and so on, not to mention the minutiae of phone calls, email, internet searches, and follow up associated with each project. I feel overwhelmed, tired, self-absorbed, and incapacitated. Next morning: I awake before dawn and do some deep breathing. I meditate, watch the sun rise, and eagerly anticipate the day. Today, I will learn the ship date for my book, have the opportunity to create a new piece of writing, plan a workshop, and maybe take a walk and enjoy some fresh air. The same circumstances that seemed daunting, scary, and impossible to manage the night before appear filled with potential this morning. I am doomed - I am lucky.

    I'll get sick - I feel great! I will certainly fail - My day is filled with promise. My husband Jim and I call these "Night and Day" viewpoints the Good Reality and the Bad Reality. I would rather be in the Good Reality - positive, pleasant, and full of possibility. The sun is shining, birds singing, and life is easy, flowing and fun. Problems exist, but I can handle them.

    My energy is strong and resilient. But sometimes I drop into the Bad Reality, where life is difficult, depressing, and stressful. I feel weighed down, inadequate, and powerless. I can't find my energy or my spirit.

    Is it a choice? I think it is. Something is happening out there, and my viewing lens changes my experience. My thinking makes it so. Sometimes I can get there on my own steam. I just change my mind, or laugh at myself, or both. When I'm too tired to find the road back, I rest or take myself out for a cup of tea. When I am kind to myself, the Good Reality always returns. And so I experiment with the Reality channel and how the external world changes with my viewing lens. Shall I live in the Good or Bad Reality today? How about you? Which one are you in now? Can you cross over? I would love to hear from you on these questions. The capacity to believe that by changing my thinking I can change my reality is a gift. I know this. Partly, my life is about sharing this gift. I hope you're in the Good Reality today.

         
    Oprah show series have you let yourself go

     

    We can always count on Oprah. If we need a good book, or a good chocolate, she’s there with a recommendation and, if you happen to be in the audience, a sample. Perhaps Oprah is at her best, however, when you need a swift kick in the bottom - when you need someone telling it like it is, pulling no punches. We turn to Oprah for weight loss advice and inspiration, tips on jeans that don’t make our butts look big, and "girl, no you didn’t" comments on our hair and makeup. So it’s no surprise that Oprah, queen of the TV talk show and the best friend we’ve never met, has turned the makeover show on its head by offering us a series called "Have you let yourself go"? Featuring the stories of real women who feel they’ve let a part of themselves go and wonder how to retrieve it, the series examines the plight of women who say they’ve lost a piece of themselves somewhere along the path. One woman featured on the first episode of the series was Cheryl, who became a mom 4 years ago and feels she’s lost a part of herself to motherhood. "I chose to stay at home", she said in her confessional cam. She pointed to her clothes and hair and noted that she cares little about either and then plaintively said, "I feel I’ve lost a lot of myself." According to oprah, 90% of respondents in a recent survey at the website admitted they have let themselves go. The women featured on the series of shows have a variety of life stories to tell, from abuse and weight gain to broken relationships and significant life changes that brought them to a point, they say, of losing themselves and letting themselves go. The Oprah message boards have been buzzing since the first shows aired. Women confess they know exactly how the show guests feel, and share similar stories of putting others first, feeling depressed, gaining weight and feeling hopeless and helpless to put things right. One woman said she lost her job 4 years ago, moved into a contracted job for two years and is now out of work. She identifies, she says, with the issues presented on these Oprah shows. "I feel like I have let knowing who I am go", she wrote. "I have been settling and I don’t want to settle for just anything. I want to get back on track. I need help and I want to make a comeback - Why am I scared to look at myself? I need to bring that to the surface." Oprah doesn’t dwell on people’s problems without offering experts and solutions, and for this series, she offers us Dr. Robin Smith who has suggested a vast reading list to help us in our bid to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and get our new life. Some of the suggested reading includes: - The Woman’s Comfort Book, by Jennifer Louden - The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth, by M. Scott Peck, MD. - Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix, PhD. - Necessary Losses, by Judith Viorst - The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie - The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, by Don Miguel Ruiz - Family Secrets: The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion, by John Bradshaw In this quest to help women renew themselves, Oprah has also brought a personal trainer on board. Jeanette Jenkins offers up daily exercise and eating plans. Visit oprah for the plan, or you can download a printable version of it there as well. Finally, the Oprah website is also offering an online journaling tool called a "discovery journal". The "Who am I?" journal is designed to help you discover yourself, says Dr. Robin. That, she suggests, might be the first step toward retrieving the part of yourself you thought you lost.

         
     
         
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