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    Free Essay
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    As long as you try your best there is no such thing as failure

     

    I always say to my children, as long as you try your best, there is no such thing as failure. I believe this one hundred percent and it is a philosophy I am trying to install into my kids. When I worked in the insurance industry, I used to sit the insurance examinations. I would always study hard and give it my all, however there were only three options as results. These were, distinction, pass or fail. I hate this word fail, in their eyes I failed twice, but did I though? As already stated, I could not have tried any harder, therefore how dare they call me a failure. This result of fail is also a very negative and some what cruel mark. The question I would like answered, is did I fail by a long way, only a couple of points or quite a few points? Seeing the word fail tells me nothing. I personally think that everybody should be given a mark, possibly with an A for the best mark, going down to a G for the worst. I was discussing this very subject with a colleague from work. He actually agreed with the points I was making and told me about an argument he had with one of his teachers when he was at school. He had overheard this particular teacher, discussing his sisters previous years examination results, with another teacher. They were being very critical about her, basically saying how badly she had done. My colleague knew how much effort his sister had put in and told the teacher as much, stating that in his eyes she had passed every one of those exams. Whatever you do in life, as long as you try your best, your can do no more. Stephen Hill

         
    Be happy and give us a smile

     

    I often wonder why people seem reluctant to smile these days. It costs nothing to smile so come on people lets start looking a bit happier. This article is all about this and about having a more positive outlook on life which will bring positive results. I am somebody who used to always think in a negative way, I have now managed to stop this and my life has improved no end. I now like to be around positive people, as these people tend to be more successful and happier. In my opinion there are too many people who are always moaning and groaning and are seemingly depressed. Growing up I had many things to be negative about, I had a stutter, I have a bald patch, I was overweight and am also quite short for a male at five foot four. I was one of the ones who walked around in a depressed state and I used to feel sorry for myself. Even when I write about it now, I laugh about how stupid I used to be. I realised early into my twenties that I needed to change my approach to life. I was quite fortunate in that I had a friend at the company I worked for, who was to prove an inspiration to me. His name was Stuart, and even though this may seem cruel, Stuart did not have a lot going for him. I won't go into details but lets just say even with the problems I felt I had, I was not jealous of him. I became quite good friends with Stuart and we would regularly have lunch together. I would meet him in the canteen at 1pm and would be waiting in my gloomy state of mind, with my gloomy face, for him to arrive. Arrive he certianly did, always with a beaming smile on his face. This always amazed me as I could never understand what he had to be happy about. We would sit down and talk whilst eating our lunch and he never had a negative word to say. When he talked, he talked with passion, about his work and interests. One day it dawned on me, if Stuart (who from what I know of him, seemingly has nothing going for him) can always be positive, happy and smiling, why can't I? This was the beginning of my new outlook on life. An era of being positive, appreciating what I have got and more than anything else, plenty of smiles. I now am happy with my weight, height, bald patch and am proud to say I have now overcome my stutter.

         
    Beauty gratitude and the open heart

     

    “…beauty on your earth is a shadow of the beauty of our heaven, and it’s a bitter thing to have a blindness for beauty on earth, for it makes a longer teaching to see the beauties of heaven.” Spoken by an Irish spirit in the book The Boy who Saw True (anonymous author). I have been counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners for the last 35 years, and am the author of eight published books. Since my work is spiritually based, I have developed many ways of helping people open their hearts to love. Opening to beauty is one of those ways. I have always appreciated beauty. Since I’ve been a small child, I’ve collect beautiful things - shells, rocks, wood, as well as works of art, and there are always lots of plants around. There is nowhere in my environment where there is not something beautiful to look at, both inside and outside in nature. When I walk through my home and the land around it, my heart fills with awe and love as I appreciate the beauty around me. I’ve done this so automatically throughout my life that it never occurred to me that many people do not open to beauty nor create beauty around them. In working with some of my clients struggling to keep their heart open, I’ve mentioned focusing on an object of beauty, and have been surprised to find that many of them have no beauty around them - no plants, flowers, works of art or objects of nature. When they look around they see walls, appliances, computers and other buildings. Their left brain functions just fine in this environment, but what about the right - the creative, intuitive, spiritually-connected aspect? I want to encourage everyone who reads this to consider feeding your soul with beauty. There is nothing like awe and gratitude for something beautiful to open the heart to gratitude in general. If you can love the intricate design in the bark of a tree, or the vibrancy of a flower, or the balance of a beautifully thrown piece of pottery - that might lead you into loving and appreciating the beauty of you and your own soul. It might open you to feeling gratitude for your life and the sacred privilege of experiencing your journey on this planet. How much of your thinking time is spent being upset or unhappy about something? What if all that time was spent in gratitude for what you have and for the beauty around you? What if you were present enough in this moment to revel in the fact that you can turn on a faucet and have hot water come out? That you have food to eat and a bed to sleep on? If you are reading this, it is likely that you have a computer, which means you have more than most of the people on this planet. Try this little experiment: find something of beauty - it can be as simple as a leaf, a flower, a photograph, a small work of art or the top of a tree out your window. Now let yourself completely open to the thing of beauty. Let yourself feel the beauty in your body - in your heart, your solar plexus, in your stomach, arms and legs, in your forehead. Let the beauty enliven your body and fill it with vitality. Breathe in the beauty and feel your body’s reaction to it. Open to gratitude, thanking God for this experience of beauty. Notice the peace and joy it gives you to be in this moment with this simple object of beauty. What would life be like if you spent more moments like this, in the present with beauty and with all you have? How much of your waking time is spent in this way? Beauty and gratitude are soul foods. When you choose to open to them, you extend an invitation to love, peace and joy. This raises your frequency and opens the door to your spiritual Guidance. Your Guidance is always here for you, helping you on your soul’s journey. Opening to beauty and gratitude, with a deep intent to learn about what is loving to you and others, will open you to your spiritual Guidance.

         
    Breathing the way back to balance

     

    “If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, change your mind.” This brief quotation from the Dalai Lama reminds me that my experience of life changes as I do. As I change, I change the way I influence - and am influenced by - my surroundings. How are you inventing your life today? How does the way you think affect your actions? And how might you become more aware of the process? A centering breath is a place to start. When you're stressed, in conflict, or otherwise under pressure, do you hold your breath? Most people do. When you stop the natural flow of air, you become tense and unbalanced, physically and emotionally. Your body, mind and spirit are disconnected. One of the easiest ways to regain your balance is to start breathing again. Open your throat, relax your body and allow inspiration to take place. Inspiration–a great word, isn't it? Your breath is your life energy that connects to inner wisdom, resources and strength. A good way to practice centering is to notice how often you hold your breath. The awareness will trigger you to start breathing again. The more you notice, the less you'll hold your breath, and the more relaxed and centered you'll be. Try it. And let me know what happens!

         
    Build confidence with strategies that really work

     

    Wouldn’t it be grand if we could just wake up in the morning, brush our teeth and put on our confidence for the day? Well, for those of us who don’t have a drawer full, here are 4 simple strategies that will help you build confidence. 1. Accentuate the positive. Be your own best friend. What do you tell a friend who’s tried something new, whether or not it turned out well? At least you tried something new - good for you! Accentuate the effort it took in doing something, rather than the final outcome. (You’d do it for your best friend, wouldn’t you?) We all have limitations. The key is to accept that you have them without dwelling on them. 2. Don’t be afraid to take some risks. When you are about to embark on a new experience, do you spend your time worrying so much about the outcome you aren’t enjoying the moment? If you look at new things in your life as a chance to learn something, it opens up the possibility of you becoming good at that something. If you spend your time dreading the outcome, you’ll turn any opportunity there might have been into a failure. What’s more, we can’t grow when we are frozen with fear. Don’t set yourself up to fail. If you do, look at number one, again! 3. Use self-talk to keep assumptions away. We all use self-talk. The key is to use it in a way that we don’t form bad thoughts that can lead to permanent doubts. Catch yourself using negative self-talk and cancel it with something positive and not based on assumptions! Build confidence by not expecting perfection from yourself at all times. You can only do your very best at something. Nobody can do everything perfectly, so why do you assume that you should be able to? 4. Learn to rely on your self-evaluation. If you always rely on the opinion of others, you’ll always be wondering what they think! That does nothing to build confidence - it tears it down, by giving away your personal power to others. Focus on the real you, inside, to find out how you feel about your own actions, how you’ve been doing your job, etc. You’ll be developing a strong sense of who you are. It’s important to remember that no one can be self-confident all of the time. In fact, you’ll build confidence faster and easier once your realize that. Most people with low self-esteem or who lack in confidence are that way because of unrealistic expectations. They expect more from themselves than they do others. A person with low self-esteem will think nothing about calling him or herself a ‘stupid idiot.’ They wouldn’t dream of saying that to someone else. To build confidence it’s a good idea to be your own best friend.

         
    Candle in the dark by paula picard

     

    Life is amazing if we choose to see it that way. Inside of my sadness lies an incredible beauty. The excavation of my emotions, my desires and longing are all part of a magical journey. There is nothing about our life that does not contain the element of magic with in it. How we end up at the right place and the right time or the wrong place at the right moment. It all leads us to the deeper search with and the to the ultimate fulfillment of our destinies. Each moment, each second is an opportunity to create something, to change and evolve. I have an aversion to mirrors. Not for reasons of vanity, but of utter confusion. Gazing into the reflection of my eyes, I see another being, another life. A life of love and beauty of unlimited possibility lies beyond the hazel coloring that the world sees. When can this mask be taken off and my true self revealed? How would I be viewed if I expressed the truth of who I am? And the bigger truth within that question is, who am I? The grand dilemma unfolds. Already my heart and soul is wrapped in a web of almost unbearable loneliness, would by revelation of my inner most truth further alienate me from a world that is foreign to me. During my own incredible journey through this life I have experienced much sadness, hurt and longing. Yet I find comfort in those haunting memories. The pain compels me ever forward to search for the ultimate freedom. The light of my soul is like a candle in the dark, illuminating the path to liberation and understanding. Within the veins of who I truly am flows light not blood. And my spiritual heart is larger than any physical vehicle could contain. The limitless love that flows through me longs to be shared with the world. Yet, I stay safe hiding in the shadows. But, something urges me on to come out of the shadows and step into the light. A beautiful voice whispers in my ear, keep going, hold on, you are almost there. The key to my own freedom and my own liberation is in fully embracing each moment. To have the courage to love, to allow the fullness of life support me. To never forget the pleasures and always remember the pain. Metamorphosis happens in an instant, one magical second in time. To have the strength to take off my blindfold, to open myself to the magnificence of my own spiritual power. To take a risk, be daring and bold. My heart overflows with love and the painful longing to reveal it. Yet how? How do I share myself with the world? How can I make a difference? I feel so small and limited at times, until I remember the light that pulses through my veins. Sometimes I am paralyzed at the complexity of my own thoughts. I stumble over myself, and the various aspects of who I am. I desire to be liberated from my own fears. Ironically, in the confusion I find great clarity. The possibility of discovering the secret to my own freedom is a powerful elixir. To overcome that which binds me in my own self created prison. To spout my angelic wings once again and fly to the sun, but unlike Icarus, my wings will not melt. They will be forged with strength and sturdiness built with precision and forethought, allowing me to fly to great heights in complete safety. Like a raw diamond I am being honed and cut by spirit, with the intention of revealing the brilliance of each facet. The finer the cuts, the more fully the spectrum of light will dance upon the surface. Each night I cry for freedom, for change. For my soul eyes to see the truth, no longer clouded by own self imposed limitations. When the shadows begin to descend upon me, I welcome them. For in the embrace of the darkness I more clearly see the light. Paula Picard copyright 2003 Paula Picard is a professional psychic and spiritual teacher. Paula also publishes a monthly E-Zine available by subscription. To learn more about Paula Picard and her powerful work paulapicard You may reach her at [email protected] net

         
    Centering defined what how and why

     

    : What is center? How do you choose to be centered, and why? In what ways can you develop a strong center? As a student and instructor of the Japanese martial art Aikido, and as a professional speaker and trainer, I often present on this topic and, in addition, have made centering a life practice. I say practice, because that is what it takes to access the Center State on purpose. Physically, the body's center of gravity is a point in the lower abdomen - but it is also much more. It's a quality of being that integrates body, mind and spirit: vitality increases, the senses are sharpened, and one is less affected by everyday irritations. The Japanese describe a centered person as having hara or strong ki, the inner quality that helps the student of Aikido develop to her fullest potential. Some say it is an attitude towards life, an ability to handle whatever may come. Athletes recognize the centered state as "the zone." Center is a condition we can cultivate. Thomas Crum, author of Journey to Center, says, "Centering is the art of being fully alive. And wherever the art of centering is practiced, things change dramatically." Centering Practice To train in centering, the Aikidoist practices a relaxed posture and directs the weight of her body towards her physical center. She also breathes into her center to enhance the grace and economy of her movement. You can do the same. Breathe deeply. Exhale slowly. Relax and direct the weight of your body toward your center point. Now, think of a situation later today where it will be especially helpful to be balanced, calm and self-assured. Make a mental note to center when the time comes. By becoming skilled at identifying the centered state, you can learn to choose it. This is critical in those key moments when purposeful action is needed. Write back and tell me how centering helps you!

         
    Child victim to survivor

     

    Child Victim to Survivor! The innocence of a child, will not allow their mind to comprehend what terror is being put upon them during abuse. They can no more think killing their abuser than they can a fly. It worsens when the child knows the abuser, because they have a love and trust that is so innocent, they cannot mistrust. This is where the confusion is set deep into their psyche, causing them to have conflicts with feelings throughout their life. In place of learning love through hugs and smiles, they are taught love through sexual abuse and threats. They have already learnt that the world is not safe. Children quickly learn through instinct to remove their minds from their bodies. They also can manipulate their bodies to go numb in order to not feel any physical contact with the abuser. Abused children are also taught to mistrust any form of verbal love and appreciation. The abuser will tell them things like, "Daddy loves you and wants to show you how much", or " I am teaching you what daddy’s teach their daughters so that you will grow up and know how to be a good woman". So much deception and lies from someone that a child holds dear to their heart. To doubt their abuser when it is their father, only makes them feel like a bad child. They know that their father wants them to love them and smile for them. This makes daddy happy. It is what every child is naturally driven to do. They thrive on their parents smiles and happy feelings. This is the exact thing that an abuser takes advantage of and also poisons through the abuse they inflict on the child. The child will also think in two identities if the abuser is her father or her uncle. She will think simply in two parts. Good daddy, bad daddy. This helps her to keep her good daddy image safe, where he is suppose to be. The second daddy will be a figure in a bad dream, not real to her world at all. A child may turn to drawing pictures of her good daddy and bad daddy. Or write very obscure, negative, even offensive poems or stories. These are true signs and most certainly cries for help. Please do not ever underestimate the power of the pen. It will either be a cry for help from someone that cannot use words, or it could be the key to ones doors of healing. When the abuser is a family member, this factor alone robs the child of what would be known as a safe nest. The child will never know what a healthy role model is. Nor will this child ever have the experience of innocent nurturing. Unless this child through years of growth, learns to identify with their abuser and confront the abuse, their healing will never begin. Without this inner healing and peace, one is likely to repeat this horrible act of abuse that they were lead to believe to be a common practice in parenting. Victims have no choice but to survive. If they do not commit suicide, they learn to cope. I have mentioned in another article that some use drugs, alcohol, food, cutting ones self and even sex. These are common coping strategies. NO they are not good ones, but for most of the victims that choose that road, it's the better of the two evils. Other victims choose to forget it ever happened, down play the abuse or rationalize it as if it were nothing more than a simple hug or touch. They even go as far as excusing their abusers actions or temper, saying the was drunk or too stressed out from working. Victims will even try to understand and feel sorrow for their abusers. Anything to not accuse them and have to deal with the confusion of the why’s. Some even become so withdrawn into themselves, fearing that they may talk too much, or give a clue to someone about their nightmare. Then all their shame will be seen. So they choose silence instead of risk. Denial is another way around facing the reality. But denial has a way of twisting around and returning with a vengeance. To not allow your pain to come up front so you can deal with it, only gives it more time to grow inside of you and get a stronger hold of your mind. Reality and fantasy will also get confused at this point. People will confuse your actions and words with mental illness. Then not only will you have your abuser to contend with, but now others will be trying to force you into another victim situation. Yes, you have done whatever it took to survive this horrible abuse, so now rise above it. It was nothing more than a cause and effect battle. A battle that you have over come! I continue to show you patterns that are caused by neglecting yourself and allowing yourself to be totally absorbed by an action that was NEVER in your control. Now it is in your control. Now you can do something about it. SO, what are you waiting for? FIGHT!!!! Fight like you are trying to save the life of someone dear to you. Fight like a master and use your power to say, "Go to hell". Scream this as loud as you can, "I see you, I hear you and I will not allow you to abuse me any longer!" You must feel the freedom that comes with this new fight that is awakening inside you. Once the fight is over, you will live a new life. A new book has just been written. You are FREE! Free to Live, Love and Laugh!! **************************************************************** I am ready. I am now. I can. I will. -David Viscott ***************************************************************** I accept what I am, and how I got here -David Viscott Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website - womensselfesteem Weblog - justblogme/Dorothy Forum - womenselfesteem. proboards29.com email - [email protected]

         
    Communication difficulties and how to overcome them

     

    Many people have problems with their communication and in this article I am going to describe ways in which to overcome these speech difficulties. My name is Stephen Hill and I am from Birmingham in England. From the age of four I had the speech impediment known as a stutter. I attended many different types of speech therapy, some in groups, some on a one to one basis. The kind of advice I was given to control the stutter or to overcome the stutter were varied. These are some: slowing down my breath costal breathing prolonged speech taking a deep breath before I spoke Preschool stuttering I had began in the class called, stuttering in preschool. At this age my parents were advised that it was probably just a phase and that I was likely to grow out of it (the stutter). They were relieved about this but for whatever reason it did not go away and was to ruin my life for the next eighteen years. Childhood stuttering I then joined the class called, stuttering in childhood. I continued to attend speech therapy and was trying to take on board what they were telling me. In reality I did not want to be there and for some reason I felt ashamed and would often wonder why I had a stutter when no one else seemed to. Adult stuttering I then progressed to the class called, stuttering in adults. I now decided that speech therapy was not really working for me. I possibly had always had the wrong attitude to speech therapy. It was hard to convince me that these people could help as I knew they had never even had a stutter, therefore I thought that it was impossible for them to fully understand what I was going through. I then decided to try my own form of self help for stuttering. Even though I had a stutter, at times I could talk very well. As an example when I was drunk, I spoke nearly perfectly fluent. My all round confidence would increase and suddenly I did not care or worry so much about my speech or anything in fact. After nearly a year I managed to stop stuttering once and for all. As a career I now help other people how to achieve fluency.

         
    Count your chickens before they ve hatched

     

    At some stage in your life, you've probably been told not to count your chickens before they have hatched. You were probably told to not get your hopes up and to not expect too much - just in case you might be disappointed. For most of us this, or some variation of it, was told to us over and over again by well meaning, but ill informed people. From an early age the idea of staying in an emotional "safe zone" was instilled in most of us until it eventually became belief systems that now control our behaviours. We live in a culture were the predominant psychology is based in fear. The fear of loss drives and motivates most people's decisions and behaviours. From this mindset the culture invented mechanisms to protect itself and saying like "don't count your chickens before they've hatched" is but only and illustration of how the culture prepares and "grooms" us from an early age to settle for the lowest denominator. "Go for the lowest and easiest to make sure that you at least get something." "Don't expect too much, just in case you don't get anything at all." From this mindset we loose all our power; the power that is born in the belief that we are indeed worthy of all the success and all the abundance that we can possibly dream of. Expectation is indeed one of the most powerful resources that you possess. An intense anticipation can transform possibility into reality. One of the biggest reasons why most people never get to live their dreams is because they lack the motivation to follow their dreams. The real purpose of a goal is to act like a directional mechanism that guides your life in a specific direction. A strong and exciting goal has the power to motivate and inspire you. When you fuel this goal with expectation you set in motion an unstoppable force that will give you that internal drive that will enable you to create virtually anything you desire. When you count your chickens before they've hatched you create a sense of excitement and enthusiasm that has immense power to motivate you. Success and achievement are rarely the result of your ability but rather the product of your motivation; of your ability to consistently take action on your dreams and goals. Expectation is not the same as hope. Most people hope that one day they will get what they really want or that one day they will get lucky and all their dreams will come true. Hoping is nothing but a weak prayer. Hoping always includes success and failure while expectation is solely fixed on one single outcome. When you count your chickens before they've hatched you nurture your expectation; you make it stronger and most importantly, you make it real. It is a fixity of purpose where no one or no-thing can throw you off course. When you create that intense feeling of expectation you not only imagine having what you want but you start to create the feeling of already having it. Whatever you expect with certainty will become your own self fulfilling prophecy. We all long for certainty on some level. For most people certainty comes from seeing and experiencing things before they "believe" it. This is why they keep re-creating and experiencing the same old things over and over again. When you use your mind, your emotions and your imagination to create the certainty within you, then anything is possible. Expectation goes beyond hoping. You want to be like the little kid on Christmas who knows that he's getting a new bike, but he has to wait until Christmas morning before he can actually feel and touch it. Have you ever ordered something really exciting and then had to wait for it in the post? You knew you were going to get it and you anxiously await the moment of delivery. You anticipate the moment where the image in your mind's eye becomes real and where you can touch it, even though the imaginary experience felt just as real. This is what expectation really is. It is getting excited in advance. It is feeling the feelings in advance. It is the most powerful motivator there is. Expectation, fuelled by emotion, acts like a vacuum within you. It is like a thirst that forms a burning desire that you will do anything to fulfil. This is when your "should's" become "musts" and when it is a must you will get it. With expectation you can start to transform your perception of life, especially your life. Because you no longer hope for what you want, you expect it to come along any second. There are no more doubts and no more hoping. There is only a knowing and a feeling of certainty. When you know something you can stop doubting and questioning. Now, every situation becomes an opportunity to receive your goal. Every person becomes a player in the process and every problem becomes a stepping stone towards the realization of your dreams. You have that certainty that the outcome is resolved and that you are merely in the process; waiting for "Christmas morning" to come. You have to let go of the mentality that is based on the fear of loss; the mentality that is grounded in the belief that you are not worthy of having it all. Let go of the beliefs that you might be disappointed when you give it your all and it doesn't work out. All they do is to lock you up in a world where you never even "try" just because you might not make it. If anything you want to overestimate your abilities. Over estimate your capability. When you feel like you are running up a hill that is too steep, don't turn back and run down hill. Instead, up the prize for getting to the top. Make the reward more compelling and you will find within yourself a strength that was previously unavailable. This is how you access your real resources, those resources that lie asleep within you waiting to be called upon. Nothing of significant value has ever been created without enthusiasm. Do whatever it takes to "count" your chickens; whatever it takes to create the feeling of already having it. If you have goals you need to start living them and the way you do that is to build your expectation. Do whatever it takes to create the feeling of already having it. Make it real. The legendary musician, Jackson Browne once said that whenever he gets nominated for an award he always expects to win, even when he is the underdog. He always prepares a victory speech. What is your victory speech? How can you prepare for what you desire most from life? What can you do to make it real? Most people plan to fail by never expecting to succeed. Remember that your results will rarely exceed your expectations.

         
    Creating fear for inspiration

     

    : If you have read or have been involved in personal development, whether it is goal-setting, time management, motivation, weight loss, or the many other categories and have not taken hold of what you desired, chances are that you're lacking an inner drive towards that elusive goal. You have brought books, CDs, tapes, searched the internet, and maybe even attended seminars, but yet you find that you fall short of your desire or you don't even come one step closer to what you set out to achieve. You may ask yourself "Why do I keep failing? Am I supposed to just remain who I am today?" Do not lose hope and sight of your goal. If you have obtained personal development resources before, you have a desire to improve. You have a desire to be intimate in your relationships. You have a desire to look your best. You have a desire to free yourself from debt. Here is a fantastic analogy to help you see the problem. By not defining the problem correctly you can not provide a correct solution, leaving you to wonder your whole life about "what could have been". Think of the books you read, the cds you listen to, the seminars you attend, as a spark. This spark has an extremely powerful potential. It has the potential to ignite and create fire. Can you see the relation between the spark and the resources you read and listen to? These personal development guides create an internal spark in you. They pump you up guiding you towards your goal's correct path. However, it doesn't take long until you find yourself not moving forward on the path toward your goal, or that you have totally moved off the path. You may have even lost ground by feeling so beaten up after failing you enter into a state of depression and fear. What you need is to turn the spark gained from the personal development resources into a roaring fire. A fire so dominant and independent that it will continue to burn and not require outside help in keeping it that way. To see what can fuel that spark into a fire, ask yourself, "this internal desire I have to improve, where is it coming from?" Are you sick of arguing with your partner or friends and you want to have more intimate relationships? Is it that you're tired of worrying about being able to put food on the table, provide clothing, and shelter? Are you embarrassed by how those additional pounds make you look? Now that it is apparent as to why you want to improve, make it a strong fear. Using the financial example: you are struggling to create and provide the necessities. Create the fear that one day you will be unable to provide, or that for once in your life you want to give without worrying about the financial burden. This is your fear. This is your fuel for the spark to ignite it into a roaring fire and keeping it burning strongly. So the next time you feel you do not have what it takes to achieve that elusive goal, recall the fear of what could be. Pull out that fear and use it to propel yourself forward. By asking yourself "what could be", you will avoid yourself saying later "what could have been".

         
    Do you know why bad things happen to good people

     

    This is a question that most people grapple with from time to time and it has largely been on my mind this past week. You see one of the best people I know -- my Uncle Carl -- had a very bad accident this week. While working on the wood lot with his son, his hand got caught in a log splitter. In the end the damage was so severe that his left hand had to be amputated. Although no longer a young man, my uncle is very active and enjoys working with his hands. He is right handed but clearly the use of two hands was an important part of his former life and just as clearly that will have to change. I was devastated when I heard the news and am still shaken by it -- even more so when I think about how much worse the accident could have been. My whole family is upset, especially Uncle Carl's wife and children, most notably my cousin John who was with him at the time. As I worked through my worry and grief I kept asking myself that question: Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People? I know people often say this when tragedy occurs, but this is not simple lip service -- it is fact. My uncle is a good man. He is a very strong family man who is still married to his high school sweetheart. He loves his four children as well as his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He was a devoted son when his parents were alive and is loved by his siblings, nieces and nephews. He and his wife opened their home to many children and young people over the years and continue to open their home and hearts whenever family, friends, or community require it. He has worked hard all his life -- using his hands to service the land and master machinery and using his broad shoulders and strong muscles to complete every task set before him. He has played an important role in his community serving as a volunteer firefighter as well as a cornerstone of his church congregation. Yes, he is a good man, but his life has not been easy though and I had to question why one more burden needed to be added to his heavy load. Many Christians will say that God sends us trials to test us. And there might be some truth in that. Many of us are stronger than we think and it takes difficult challenges to make this clear. But I didn't think this applied to my uncle -- he has had many challenges over the course of his life and I think he has a good handle on his own strengths. However loss also highlights what we have and perhaps have taken for granted. Yes, my uncle has had a difficult life but he has also had a tremendously rewarding one. I don't think there really is much that my uncle wishes for or envies in others. Yes, his siblings may have more money and professional success, but I am confident that Carl would not trade his wife and family for that money any day of the week. And I secretly suspect that if he did in fact have more money that it would be spent in large part on his loved ones. And he is greatly loved by a great many people. Not just by his immediate and extended family but by the many people whose lives he has touched. I know there are prayers on his behalf winging from coast to coast. I don't think he'd trade that love and the respect that accompanies it for all the professional success his siblings have enjoyed. We can grieve with him for the loss of his hand, but we can't pity him when we look at the many gifts that God has given him. What is more, when you step back and take a look at the man he is then you do not even notice the missing hand. He is so much more than the simple sum of his parts and in the end it is the size of his heart that one notices most. It is important to note that it was his right hand that was preserved -- the very hand he has extended so many times to others to offer love, friendship, and help.

         
    Don t focus on failure

     

    Internal defeat is a mindset, where you begin to believe that most new ideas will fail. You might think -”After all, what I tried in last week's Yoga class, failed.” You will always learn from mistakes. When you see them clearly as a test, examine the results, and study them closely for the reason why they went wrong. Whether it is a lesson plan, trying mantras, Hot Yoga, Gentle Yoga, a pro shop, or trying anything new, it is better to make mistakes than do nothing at all. Some of the most successful Yoga teachers, I know, deal with mistakes as part of the learning curve. They turn all of their defeats into learning experiences. This is extremely powerful when you consider the cost of learning anything of value. After all, what did you spend on your education, so far? Did you think you would stop learning at a certain point in life? Did you learn from your past mistakes? Of course you did, and now you are stronger due to the corrective adjustments, you have made. When a child learns to ride a bicycle, there are plenty of falls along the way, and then the falling stops. However, even skilled adults fall off bicycles, sometimes. So, don’t take past failures personally. Put them behind you and learn from each one. Henry Ford and the Wright Brothers had failures, but nobody seems to remember that. Just like them, you are not a failure, but you may have failed in the past, just like they did. When you get down on yourself, look back at what you have accomplished. When you take on your next project, do the research first, assemble a team, make a full commitment to succeed, and never mentally quit before you start. Lastly, whenever it is possible, learn from the mistakes of others. This is why Yoga businesses approach me for consulting services: To save money by avoiding known mistakes, pitfalls, and traps.

         
    Empower your trainees

     

    One of the most memorable quotes that I heard from a trainer came from a man I knew named Rizal: “As trainees, you are supposed to interrupt me if you don’t understand something. You are supposed to ask questions. But you are not to go ahead of where we are in the class. All of the sections will be covered in due time.” As a trainee, I could not have agreed more with Rizal. He made an impact on me. He was one of the best trainers I have ever known. What made him a great trainer was that he loved his career. (Notice I didn’t say job.) I knew he viewed his classroom as more than just a place to go to work everyday. As a trainer, what are YOU doing to enhance the spirit of your trainees? One great tactic that worked for me happened when I was a restaurant manager. When I would train employees, I would purposely ask them questions that were contradictory. For example, I would ask, “This order is to go, right?” When the trainees answered yes or no, I always asked them why they gave their answer. I wanted them to discover for themselves what should and should not be. The tactic worked because they learned to rely and trust their own reasoning. Their productivity rose as a result. They were empowered to decide what actions needed to be done, and they took the necessary steps that generated results. Are you letting your trainees know that you are open to ALL questions? Are you asking yourself what you need to do to ask great questions? Are you wondering how you can get your trainees to be comfortable with you so they can get the most of their training? Here’s Some Steps To Show You How: 1. Be up front with your trainees. Let them know that there is NO such thing as a dumb question and that the ONLY stupid questions are the ones not asked. 2. Tell them that they can discuss questions offline if they are not comfortable asking a question in front of others. 3. If someone asks a great question, acknowledge him or her right away. 4. If a trainee asks a question which emits discontent among other trainees, let the classroom know that they are in class to learn and that even the most seemingly silly question could help reinforce answers to other questions. Remind them that no one knows everything, and the moment they stop learning, is the moment they stop growing. Great trainers are great because they listen. They know that the material they are teaching is new to each person in the room, and they take their time making sure that every person understands it. They have patience and persistence. They are grateful for being able to make a difference in the lives of the people they train. Inside of you is the same greatness. Use it to empower your trainees.

         
    Engaging in the moment for more effective living

     

    I spend lots of time working with individuals, corporations and businesses to get them engaged in the present moment. The reasons I think this is important in business as well as personally are drawn upon toward the end of this article. My centre here in Bournemouth used to sell a wide range of books and one that I used to stock was a book called "The Power of Now" by a guy called Eckhart Tolle. Lots of people that came to classes, workshops and consultations at the centre would often tell me how great it was and give me snippets of information about its content and for a number of years I would occasionally think “Yeah, I really should read that book” then kept on deciding that I would wait until later (yes, I am fully aware of the irony in this!) Nevertheless, I am already sold on the power of the present moment, for a number of reasons: My First reason - Only this present moment exists. I think this is by far the most compelling reason to put your attention on the present moment. Yesterday doesn’t exist, except as a memory, with all the unreliability we know to be true of memories; when you experienced yesterday, it was n-o-w. Tomorrow doesn’t exist either, except as an imaginary construct; when you experience tomorrow, it will be n-o-w. And as it’s all that exists, it’s a good idea to experience it, so, have a go at doing the following… 1) Sit with your feet flat on the floor, in a comfortable, aligned position (spine straight, hands on your thighs or at your sides, breathing comfortably.) With your eyes open or closed, allow yourself to become aware of the different sounds, sights, smells & sensations around you. This is the present moment. That's right. This is the present moment, & there are a number of good reasons for keeping your awareness in the present as much as possible (in addition to the first reason I gave.) My Second Reason - There’s a whole lot more of it in store for you. If you stop for a moment, you will realise that all the experiences of your life will take place in a present moment. The more comfortable you are with the present moment, the more comfortable you’ll be with those future presents. My Third Reason - The present is where you are. If in doubt, look at your hands. Your hands only exist in the present moment. Rub your fingers together, feel how it feels to be in this moment. Because it’s where your hands (& the rest of your body) are located, so… My Fourth Reason - The present is the only time you can take action. You can wish you took action yesterday (so many do; they rue the day that.....), but yesterday no longer exists, so it will remain a wish. You can plan to take action in the future, but when you take the action, it will be in the present moment. The only time you can take action is in this hot second. My Fifth Reason - Wherever you’re headed, you presumably want to enjoy it when you get there. Get in the habit of enjoying the present now & you’ll be even better at enjoying then when you get there. I took some amazing insight from my running experiences with my younger brother. When we ran and trained together and competed in races, he always enjoyed the race and commented on our surroundings whereas I always had my eye on the finish line. So much can and has been said about enjoying and engaging in the journey rather than always focusing on the future. Have a go at this one too.... 2) Gently place the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth just behind your front teeth (continue to breathe easily.) Imagine you are holding a tiny droplet of oil between the tip of your tongue & the roof of your mouth. I originally got this idea from Eric Robbie on a training he did with Michael Breen & I tinkered around with it a bit, & it’s a great way of turning off your internal dialogue. Turning off your internal dialogue is an excellent way of allowing yourself to focus on the present. This is particularly important if you want to be able to pick up the clues that people give you about how they’re thinking. Maybe I'll write another article about that internal dialogue....... "The only way to live is to accept each moment as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is - a miracle and unrepeatable." -- Margaret Storm Jameson So, how do you relate this knowledge and my rantings to ones Business or day to day life? Business and life today seems to operate at a faster & faster pace. People have lots of demands on their time, & need every advantage they can get to be more effective. When I do corporate and business consultancy, one of the most common ‘challenges’ that people want to deal with is being focused & making progress on important business objectives or life goals. As I’ve investigated how people avoid being focused, I’ve found that, they are often not centred in the present. Instead, they are thinking about what’s happening tomorrow, or what happened yesterday, or running through a list of things that they need to do later. As a result, their attention is not in the present. I used to work in Victoria in Central London and if you have ever been there during the rush hours it is a hectic place. What I find interesting is that you can tell who is engaged in the moment and who is thinking about their day or the next day. Those people whose awareness is within their heads, mulling over their day or dreading what's in store tomorrow are the ones bumping into people or veering off in wrong directions. Whereas those people whose awareness is outside their heads and engaged in their surroundings are those that are balanced, poised and agile, like a panther! When you bring your attention & energy into the present moment, you can accomplish things more quickly, solve problems more effectively, & enjoy the process more than you might expect. So, thirdly, have a go at connecting with the moment more and more in your days... 3) Before starting an important task, take a moment to centre yourself & relax. Then, get clear about what you want to accomplish, then begin. I wish you all the very best and hope to engage in the present with many more people here.

         
     
         
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