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    Free Essay
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    Hochzeit auf indisch

     

    In Indien werden verschiedene exotische Ritualen vollstreckt, die uns Europдer vollkommen fremd aber exotisch erscheinen. Indische Hochzeiten sind meisten werden meisten groЯ, laut und besonders bunt gefeiert! Der indische Hochzeitstag wird traditionell nicht spontan festgelegt. Der genaue Zeitpunkt der Ehe ist zuvor per Horoskop bestimm. Die Ehe selber wird ganz im Sinne des Hinduismus geschlossen. So werden verschiedene hinduistische Ritualen und indische Traditionen vollzogen. So wie zum Beispiel die Henna. Vor der Hochzeit wird die Braut von Frauen umzingelt und fьr die Hochzeit vorbereitet. Die Braut sitzt meisten ruhig in der mitten von umschwдrmenden Frauen, die mit einer Hennapaste Ornamente an Hдnde, Knцchel und andere Kцrperstellen malen. Die Ornamente sollen der jungen Frau Glьck und Freude bringen, gany im Zeichen der zukьnftigen Ehe. Ein Henna kann bis zu drei Tage dauern. In dieser Zeit verbingt die Braut noch mal viel Zeit mit ihrer Familie und Freundinnen. Sie wird aufgeklдrt ьber die Ehe und nimmt Tipps mit auf dem Weg. Die Braut wird am Hochzeittagse selber einen farbenfrohen Sari tragen, eine typische indische Bekleidung. Dazu kommt noch lauter und glдnzender Hochzeitsschmuck, meistens in gelbes Gold. Am Tag der Hochzeit wird meistens der Brдutigam zusammen mit Freunden und Familie zum Haus der Braut gehen, um sie sozusagen abzuholen. Die Feierlichkeiten selber finden ьblicherweise im Haus der Braut statt. Die Familie der Braut empfдngt ihre Gдste mit einem rituellen Trank aus Honig und Joghurt, der Glьck verheiЯen soll. Die Gдste kommen mit guter Laune und stimmten sich mit Gesaengen und enthusiastischem Klatschen auf die bevorstehende Hochzeitsfeier ein. Sind alle Gдste und Familien angekommen, kann man mit der eigentliche EheschlieЯung, der Zeremonie beginnen. Die Hochzeit findet unter einem Pavillon statt, der durch einen Vorhang in zwei Bereiche geteilt ist. Braut und Brдutigam betreten diesen Pavillon von unterschiedlichen Seiten und nehmen jeweils auf einer Seite des Vorhangs Platz. Ein Priester fдngt an heilige hinduistische Verse zu zitiert, wдhrend alle Gдste und Familie sich um oder vor dem Pavillon befinden. Wдhrend der Priester seine Verse zitiert, wird langsam der trennende Vorhang beiseite geschoben, so dass sich nun langsam Braut und Brдutigam sehen kцnnen. Hдufig sieht sich das Brautpaar zu diesem Zeitpunkt zum aller ersten Mal, jedoch nicht in modernen Milieus. Nun tritt der Brautvater vor und ьbergibt offiziell seine Tochter dem Brдutigam. Dieser wiederum verspricht dem Brautvater und der angeschlossenen Familie, sie als seine Frau zu ehren und treu zu ihr zu stehen. Besonders wichtig ist das bereitstehende heilige Feuer. In dieses heilige Feuer wirft das Brautpaar als Opfergabe zunдchst Reis und Butterцl. Zum Abschluss der Zeremonie werden die Kleider der Braut und des Brдutigam verknoten. Zusammen "verbunden", mьssen nun Braut und Brдutigam genau sieben Schritte um das Feuer herumgehen. SchlieЯlich wird das Paar noch mit Weihwasser besprengt. Nun sind Braut und Brдutigam in Namen des Hinduismus ein Ehepaar. Die Feier kann beginnen. Eine Hochzeitsfeier kann in Indien mehrere Tage dauern, abhдngig vom Vermцgen der Eltern der Braut. Nach der Hochzeit verlдsst meistens die Tochter das Haus ihrer Eltern und lebt ab nun gemeinsam mit ihrem Ehemann in seinem Haus oder gegebenenfalls im Haus der Familie des Ehemannes.

         
    Hochzeitsstile

     

    Ich habe letztens den Film, "24 Dresses" gesehen, wo eine Frau schon 24 Mal als Brautjungfer eingeladne wurde und bei jeder Hochzeit ein andere Kleid anziehen musste. Ich musste ein bisschen an mich denken, wobei die Tradition der Brautjungfer hier in Deutschland nicht so schlimm und anstrengend ist wie in Amerika. Ich war wie also schon auf zahlreiche Hochzeiten und durfte hier und die schon verschiedenen Hochzeitsstile miterleben. Es wundert mich aber immer wieder, wie sehr jede Hochzeit ihren eigenen Charme und Schцnheit hat, ohne die Hochzeiten bewerten zu mьssen. Auf alle Fдlle habe ich mir gedacht, ein Artikel ьber die verschiedenen Hochzeitstile zu schrieben bzw. zusammen zu fassen, um vielleicht ein paar Paare Ideen zu geben! Klassische Hochzeit Die meisten Hochzeiten, sollen sich als klassische Hochzeiten herausstellen. Klassische Hochzeiten beginnen in einer Kirche oder anderen zeremoniellen Umgebung und enden in einem Saal. Private Hochzeit Viele Paare werden lieber in klein heiraten, anstatt GroЯ im Saus und Braus. Wer klein Heiraten, wird oftmals nicht viel Geld fьr groЯe Sдle oder дhnlichem ausgeben wollen, ist ja auch nicht logisch bei einer kleinen Gesellschaft. Bei kleinen privaten Hochzeiten, feiern die Pдrchen meistens bei Familie, wenn diesen einen Garten zur Verfьgung haben oder auch im Lieblingsrestaurant oder einem exklusivere Restaurants. Alternative Hochzeit Bei der alternativen Hochzeit, verzichtet das Pдrchen meistens auf Traditionen und Zeremonien. Alternative Hochzeiten kцnnen unterschiedlich aussehen. Manche werden im Sommer einen "Picknick" im Park veranstalten, andere werden einfach zu Hause eine Fete schmeiЯen. Die romantischste Alternative Hochzeit auf der ich jemals gewesen bin, fand am Strand statt. Das Pдrchen hatte eine herzergreifende traditionelle Zeremonie vor dem Meer, hat Sitzmцglichkeiten, Beleuchtung, ein Festmahl und Musik organisiert, und es wurde openair laut gefeiert! Moderne Hochzeit Die Modernen Hochzeiten sind meistens laut und wild! Sie finden entweder in einem traditionellen Saal oder gegebenenfalls in einer gemieteten Disco oder anderem Lokal statt. Bei einer modernen Hochzeit geht es hauptsдchlich um gut essen, gut trinken und gut tanzen. Natьrlich verzichtet man auf einer Musikband und heuert einen passenden DJ an. Solche Hochzeiten sind meisten ein Knьller, aber nicht gerade sehr romantisch oder hochzeit typisch. Meistens handelt es sich um junge Gдste, die mit voller Energie durch die Nacht durchtanzen. Die Paare selber erleben ihre Hochzeit als die grцЯte Party ihres Lebens! Schloss Hochzeit Die kostspielige aber auch elegante Version der Hochzeiten ist die Hochzeit auf einem Schloss. In einem Schloss kann die Hochzeit zu einer Mдrchenhochzeit umgewandelt werden. Solche Hochzeiten sind meisten sehr festlich und romantisch, und der Abend sehr auf alte Sitten orientiert. Das Essen wird zum wahrhaften Festmahl und die Atmosphдre wirkt sehr kцniglich. Manche Schlosser erlauben auch das Ьbernachten. Auslands Hochzeit Wer es gerne exotisch oder einfach mal anders mag, sollte im Ausland heiraten. Dies kann in groЯen Kreisen aber auch in kleinen intimen Kreisen gemacht werden. Bei einer Hochzeit im Ausland muss man nicht immer teure Ziele wдhlen, man kann auch nдhere bzw. billigere Reiseziele finden. Hochzeiten im Ausland ist die perfekte Gelegenheit, Honeymoon mit Hochzeit zu kombinieren und die Familie und Freunde bei sich zu haben.

         
    Honeymoons for nature lovers

     

    In the twenty-first century, more and more people are beginning to try vacations that bring them closer to nature, and honeymooners are no exception. The type of honeymoon you choose, of course, is entirely dependent on the type of outdoors person you are. Just because you do not like to camp in a tent does not mean that you can’t enjoy some incredible natural sights on your honeymoon. In fact, I would not recommend tenting on your honeymoon at all; it lend itself to a certain lack of privacy and that privacy is very important when it comes to getting to know each other in the days after your marriage. Instead, I would suggest staying at a hotel and looking around for different sights that can bring you closer to nature in a day trip. Here are some suggestions that I have based on information from other people. Each is somewhat specific to location, but perhaps you can come up with some similar ideas for your own honeymoon. Hawaii is one of the top honeymoon destinations, and it is also rife with opportunities for the nature loving couple. A tour of an active volcano is a once in a lifetime experience that both individuals are bound to enjoy. For something truly unique, try going diving with manta rays off of Kauau’i - you go at night, when the rays feed, and there is nothing quite like the sight of a fish that is fifteen feet across coming spiraling up at you in the glow of the boat lights. Both of these tours may make some people nervous, and it is essential to remember that the guides are experts, experienced and well versed in the safety of the operation. Many coastal and island destinations offer great opportunities for nature lovers on their honeymoons. Various companies will offer opportunities to go scuba diving in areas like Australia or the Caribbean. On the West Coast, from British Columbia to California, there are also many opportunities to go out whale watching in the summer. If you are on a winter honeymoon, nothing quite beats the impressive power of nature like a winter ocean storm, something that can be witnessed from the shelter of numerous locations along Long Beach including Tofino and Ucluelet. Land bound destinations can also offer wonderful opportunities for nature lovers. The main draw of Niagara Falls, of course, is the beauty of the falls and the ability to get up close. Why not try a whitewater rafting trip or organized hike? Even areas that appear barren aside from city attractions may offer exciting natural opportunities. Las Vegas has some of the most unique natural scenery in the world, for those who want to get out of the city for a day trip through the Nevada desert. Utah has some of the most incredible rock formations and biking trails in North America. No matter your destination or time of year, the odds are that with a little thought you will be able to find a honeymoon that has just the right amount of nature in it for you. The wonders of nature are available year round, and enjoying it with your new spouse is something that will help bring you closer together and give you memories that will last forever.

         
    How betrayed lovers can carry on

     

    Love gives life and a break up takes away a life. Why a lover can not live normally after a bad break up? What if one also feels betrayed after the breakup? These questions are as ancient as the civilization. Exploring romantic love - Let us explore some more about romantic love and break ups. A person who becomes totally involved with love loses his/her identity. The whole being revolves around the love. All the ambitions, all desires, all pains, everything in life gets related to love. Such lovers feel destroyed after the break up. If love is only a part of life one can survive easily after the break up. But will any poet call such kind of love as true love? The definition of true love means you give your self totally away to your beloved. You dream, eat, enjoy, and cry, laugh, work, what ever you do is all centered around your beloved. You live in that love. And hence you die once you are betrayed. If you are in true romantic love, you can not live for a day without your lover, hence it becomes impossible to live for a life time. The pain of separation and of betrayal becomes so bad, that the sadness kills the essence of living. Betrayal - For those who have been betrayed in love, it becomes impossible to understand about how their lover could betray them? It is like a child stabbing the mother. Imagine the pain of the mother who brought up her child with nothing but love, care and took every pain to see that her child was happy. The betrayed lover feels something similar and even more. So what is to be done? Remedy - Is their any remedy for such people? Turn to God for help. Pray. Look at the most suffering section of the society, such as children suffering from cancer and try to do something to help them. Find out those who are facing unimaginable hardships and do something to make their life better. Take your thoughts away from your own pain and look at others undergoing much worse pain. Contribute in someway to help this world become a better place. That is the answer for betrayal and a bad break up.

         
    How can i get my partner to change

     

    How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want him or her to be? Many of us spend a lot of time thinking about how to get what we want from our partner - how to get our partner to open up, be more caring, see us, love us, pay attention to us, spend time with us, have sex with us, and so on. We spend at lot of energy trying to get what we want from our partner because we believe that if only we do it right - behave right or say the right thing - we can have control over getting our partner to change. This illusion of having control over getting another to change keeps us stuck in behavior that not only does not work to get us what we want, but drains us of the energy we could be using to learn to take loving care of ourselves. It is very hard to accept that we can’t “get” others to do what we want them to do, even if it would be good for them and for the relationship. In my counseling work with people, I frequently hear: “How can I get my husband to read your books?’ “How can I get my wife to be more sexual?” “How can I get my husband away from the TV to spend time with me?” “How can I get my wife to be on time?” “How can I get my husband to talk with me about our problems?” “How can I get my wife to spend less money and write the checks into the checkbook?” “How can I get my husband to clean up after himself?” “How can I get my wife to stop being angry?” “How can I get my husband to stop blaming me for everything?” Everyone wants to know, “How to get my partner to change?” The truth is, you can’t. What you can do is take your eyes off your partner and put them on yourself. You have total control to change yourself, and no control to change your partner. The question you need to be asking yourself is, “What do I need to do for my own well-being if my partner doesn’t change?” “Do I need to stop reacting to my partner with compliance, resistance, withdrawal, blame, lectures, explanations, nagging or anger?” These protective, controlling ways of responding to conflict will always exacerbate the conflict and make us feel badly within. The wounded part of us believes we can get love and avoid pain with these protective behaviors, but in reality it is often these behaviors that are actually causing our own pain. None of these behaviors are loving to ourselves, nor are we taking personal responsibility for our own feelings and well-being when we behave in these controlling ways. “In what ways do I need to be more loving, caring, understanding and attentive to myself - to my own feelings?” Often we project onto our partner the inner unhappiness that results from not taking loving care of ourselves. Instead of trying to get our partner to me more loving, open and attentive, we need to focus on being open, loving, kind and attentive with ourselves and with our partner. “Do I need to take specific action, such as changing the way we handle money, or the way we deal with getting places on time? How can I take care of myself in these kinds of conflicts so that I don’t feel like a victim?” Anytime we blame another for our unhappiness, we are being a victim. Moving out of being a victim means taking loving action for ourselves so we are no longer frustrated with the situation. “Do I need to be willing to explore with my partner the underlying reasons for a lack of intimacy or sexuality? Am I willing to be open to learning with my partner, or am I stuck in just trying to control? Opening to learning with your partner can be magical regarding creating intimacy and resolving conflict. While you cannot make your partner be open to learning, if you open to learning yourself, you might discover the power you have to change your relationship. When you move out of seeing yourself as a victim of your partner’s behavior and into taking loving action on your own behalf, you may be surprised at the changes that occur in the relationship. Most conflict is stuck in power struggles that result from each person trying to control with some form blame, anger, resistance, withdrawal, or compliance. When you stop your end of the power struggle and start to take care of yourself, as well as open to learning with your partner, the possibility opens for great change to occur.

         
    How compatible are you and your partner

     

    What are the things you argue about? Where are the disagreements? The small resentments? Where do you have to give in to get along? Do you argue over money? Are you fighting over sex? Do you have different ideas about how much time you should spend together and apart? Do you squabble over extended family and friends? Is one of you daring and reckless, while the other wants to play things safe? Does one of you want to be right all the time? Does one of you want to always be in control? Do you disagree about the fun activities in your life? Couples may have conflict over many areas but do you know there is a simple explanation for the conflict? When looking for a life partner, it is a good idea to take a close look at your “Need Strength Profile”, based on Dr. William Glasser’s work in the area of Choice Theory. This simple assessment will determine where you and your partner are in terms of the five basic needs and help you determine what areas are compatible and what areas should generate discussion and possible compromise and negotiation. There is a free assessment at therelationshipcenter. biz on the "Free Stuff" page that will provide a rudimentary understanding of where you are with regard to the five basic human needs of Choice Theory---love & belong, survival, power, freedom and fun. If you are seeking compatibility in a relationship, you and your partner can both take this assessment and then discuss your results based on the rest of this article. The first need is called love & belonging. It is the need that determines how much connection you require with others. Generally speaking, relationships work best when you have equivalent strengths of the love & belonging need. This is the need that will help you determine as a couple how much time you spend together and how much time is needed apart. Loving sex and romance is another aspect of this need, as are extended family and friends. The second of the five basic needs is survival. This is so much more than just the need to physically survive, although that is part of it. It is also the psychological need to feel safe and secure. Areas of potential conflict around this need involve the ability to adapt to change, how you spend and save money, preparations one makes for safety, spontaneity, among other things. The third of the human needs is power, which can be a difficult need to understand because power generally has a negative connotation associated with it. When people hear "power" they often think of one person exerting their power over another person. While this is one way, albeit not the best way, to meet one's power need, there are two other ways which are more responsible and palatable. There are three ways to meet one's need for power---power over others, power with others and power within ourselves. Power over others is not a responsible way to meet one's power need because it interferes with the other person getting his or her needs met. There are plenty of people who use power over others but I am advocating for the other two ways when seeking compatibility in relationships. When people have a high need for power, they are born driven to get this need met. They don’t know how to get it met; they just know they must find power. Often, you can observe in small children the tendency to power over others. Then, hopefully, life teaches children the other two ways to seek power. When you look for "power with" others, it means that you are able to work cohesively with a group of people to advance toward a common goal. Many winning sports teams display this "power with" concept, as well as effective work teams and even fully functioning families. "Power with" others can be a very satisfying way of meeting one’s power needs. The final way to meet one’s need for power is "power within" oneself. This is generally seen as a need for pride or competence. Those with a high power need who meet it through power within methods like to always do their best. They may seem to be perfectionistic but producing their best is very need satisfying to them. In relationships, this power need accounts for workaholism, people who always need to control everything around them and a low degree of tolerance for imperfection in others. The power need has a big influence in interpersonal relationships. The fourth need to discuss is the need for freedom. People with a high need for freedom are independent and like to do things their own way. High freedom need people generally don't like rules---particularly ones that don't make sense. They also value their time alone. They like to do what they want, when they want. There is usually an inverse relationship between the love & belonging and the freedom needs. When a person has a high need for love & belonging, he or she typically has a lower need for freedom and vice versa. Of course, there are exceptions but typically there is an opposite relationship between the two. The last of Choice Theory’s basic human needs is fun. Fun seems pretty straightforward but there are some subtleties to it that are necessary to understand. There are basically three kinds of fun. There is the loud, energetic kind of fun that people might get from physical activity and parties, for example. There is the quiet, relaxing kind of fun that might be enjoyed by fishing, lying in a hammock on a warm summer’s day or reading for pleasure. Then there is learning as fun. Now, I’m not talking about when you learned algebra! For most of us that wasn’t fun but I am talking about learning something you are interested in that has useful application for you. For me, the best example is when I learned how to downhill ski and made it the first time down the slope without falling and getting snow down my jacket, up my pant legs and various other places! It is the sheer joy of learning something that interests you. Everyone has various ways of meeting their fun needs and it is these differences that can drastically affect your satisfaction in your relationship. It is not always true that in order for your relationship to succeed, you must have equal or almost equal need strengths in all five needs. For some needs, it is best when one of you is high and one of you is low in that need. Go to TheRelationshipCenter. biz and take the free assessment today. It’s on the “Free Stuff” page, with a link provided on the home page. See what the assessment has to say. If you have some questions, join me in my chat room during one of my scheduled chats to discuss it, leave me a message on my blog (click on the “View our Web Journal” link on the home page) or check the events calendar for upcoming workshops. There is so much to learn about improving the significant relationships in our lives. This provides you with one more piece to the puzzle. Our workshop and weekend conferences give you many more of the puzzle pieces to help you make sense of and work to improve your relationships. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Invest in your relationships today.

         
    How do you know when you are in love

     

    : IMPORTANT – Publication and Reprint Terms The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated. Please ask permission if you want to publish this article in print. Commercial use of this article is not allowed, nor are you allowed to post or reprint this article in any sites or publications that contain or support hate, violence, porn, or on any sites or publications that are indecent or illegal. Do no use this article in UCE (Unsolicited Commercial Email) or SPAM. This article must be distributed in opt-in email only. Title: How Do You Know When You Are In Love? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph. D. E-mail: mailto:[email protected] Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: innerbonding Word Count: 637 Category: Relationships How Do You Know When You Are In Love? By Margaret Paul, Ph. D. “How can I know when I’m really in love?” asked Ruby, a client of mine. “How can I know if what I feel for Jim is really love or just infatuation? How can I know if this feeling will last?” Ruby and Jim had been dating for 11 months and were considering marriage. Ruby, 32, felt “head over heels” in love with Jim, but she had felt head over heels in love with Adam, as well as with Mark. “That feeling didn’t last with Adam or Mark. How do I know it will last with Jim? How can you tell when it’s the real thing?” “Ruby,” I told her, “the answer to this important question depends upon which part of you feels ‘in love’ and which part of Jim you are ‘in love’ with.” I explained to Ruby that she can be in love from her ego, or as we call it in the Inner Bonding process we teach, her wounded self. Or, she can be in love from her true Self or core Self - her essence, her soul Self. If she is in love from her wounded self, it will be about external things and the love will not last. But if she is in love from her soul Self, it will be about internal things, and it is very likely that the love will see her through all the challenges that come up in relationships. “Ruby,” I asked her, “What do you love about Jim?” “I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” she answered. “It’s kind of funny some of the things I love about him. I love his walk and his smell. I love the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and I love his laugh. I love just being next to him. There is something about his energy - I don’t quite know how to talk about it – that I love being around. I love his touch. I love his kindness and sensitivity and his deep caring for people. Even though he would not be considered a handsome man, I love how he looks. There’s something about his mouth and the look in his eyes that just fills me with love. And I love the passion he has about both his work and his hobbies I love his playfulness. We laugh a lot together.” “How is this different than what you loved about Adam or Mark?” “I think that with both Adam and Mark I was pretty much blown away by their looks – they were both hunks. Both of them were also very successful and very social. They took me to nice places and great vacations. Jim is not as financially successful nor as social, yet I feel much safer with him. I think that I also feel in love with Adam’s power in the world. He really seemed to have it together and his sense of power turned me on. But he wasn’t always nice to people, and he wasn’t always nice to me.” “So it seems that with Adam and Mark, your wounded self was in love with their wounded selves – their more superficial qualities of looks, money and power. But it sounds like with Jim your essence is in love with his essence. The qualities you say you are in love with are qualities that won’t go away over time, because they are soul qualities. People can certainly lose their looks and their money, but it is unlikely that Jim will lose the qualities that you love in him, especially if you frequently express your appreciation for these qualities.” “So I really am in love with Jim! This really is different than my other relationships. You know, I think I’ve finally grown up. The more superficial qualities just don’t seem to be so attractive to me anymore!”

         
    How open are you with your beloved

     

    I have read it at many places that why tell your beloved about your past? That may spoil your present relationship. Let me present my thoughts to this. If we are not totally honest and open with our beloved, that means we are not sure about our relationship. That means that we do not have confidence in each other. That means that the relationship is fragile. Why talk about such relationship, which is still fragile. Such a relationship will break for some or other reason. A strong relationship can take any storm. Ina strong relationship, we are ready for some disagreement but know that ultimately things will be same as before. It is like a child ho has got totally soiled. Mother may scold the child but it will be same as before within half an hour. That is a strong relationship. If you hide vital facts about your past from your sweetheart, you will always suffer from the guilt and worry about hat if he/she gets to know about that. That is not a happy relationship. Such relationships cause stress, rather than giving any pleasure. To get pleasure, have confidence, tell your partner everything about your past, and expect that they will not only understand but also comfort you about that. That is the sign of a open and strong relationship. Any relationship that is not fully honest and open is like a leaking boat. Anytime water may get filled and the boat may sink.

         
    How relationship disagreements can make you closer

     

    If you are like me, you’ve found yourself standing in the aftermath of a firestorm called a fight. You feel burned, damaged. Bitterness has taken root. Your heart, once open, is now closed—protected behind armor so you can’t be hurt again. Although you bury the pain, it smolders like a burning ember and pollutes your love or marriage relationship forever. Or you split up. Personally, it wasn’t until I got a bit older and looked at my bone yard of broken love relationships that I realized how important the issue of fair fighting is. There is nothing more important than how you fight or express your upset. How you handle conflicts can determine the course of your entire love or marriage relationship. It influences whether or not you are perceived as trustworthy and a safe person with whom to disagree. In my practice as a therapist I have witnessed a veritable wasteland of love relationships, countless marriage relationships lost or damaged because people didn’t know how to fight fair. The result was unhappy homes, bitter divorces, and countless tears and frustration. Here is a list of 10 Love, Marriage Relationship MUSTS for fair fighting. These rules are important and may require practice. In the heat of the moment, they may seem difficult to apply. You and your mate will succeed if you have the honest intention to clean up your relationship, because you can always go back and talk later when you are calmer and in a better space. 1. If you feel a slow burn, STOP! Often when you get mad it feels like an eruption. You feel a rush of anger or rage that sweeps your entire body and mind. It may feel like you lose your train of thought or you forget what you want to say. You want to explode at the other person. Stop! It’s not the right time to talk. 2. Remember this is not your enemy. Right now, your survival system sees your beloved as a threat, the enemy, and a source of pain. Only survival counts. So you may feel inclined to say anything, fight with all your might, win at all costs. It’s a big mistake! 3. Avoid mental/emotional associations with your love or marriage relationship that don’t serve you. When you get upset you are “activated.” Your survival system has begun making associations, or links, between your beloved and those who hurt you in the past. An inner voice may be saying things like: “This is what all women do.” Or: “This is what my Dad used to do, and I don’t want to be in a relationship with my dad.” 4. Take a “time out.” Ask: “Am I too upset to resolve this right now?” If the answer is yes, you need a break and some distance. Notice, I didn’t say storm out. I didn’t say, slam the door, bolt to your car, and burn rubber as you speed away. Keep your head and say, “I am too upset to talk about this right now. I need a break and to get out of here for a little while. Let’s talk later.” Sometimes tiny skirmishes dissipate naturally. If you feel the anger dissipate naturally, let it go. 5. Stay on the topic at hand. “Emotional vomiting” is off limits. This is not an opportunity to unload all the upsets you have not been holding in. Let some things go. If you use this as a dumping ground you will start a painful fighting cycle with no end. 6. Let your partner save face. If you are fighting over who’s right and who’s wrong, you will both lose. In one couple’s counseling session, the woman kept correcting the man’s memory of the facts. Then she complained about how mean he was getting when he asserted his memory. She didn’t see that he needed room to save face and feel like he was right, too. She needed to drop the facts. Ask yourself, “Do I want a harmonious love relationship or to be right?” 7. Both partners must get a full turn. To start say: “OK, let’s take turns. You go first and I will listen, and then let you know what I have heard you say. When you are done, it will be my turn to speak.” If he says, “I am angry that you leave the counter dirty,” say, “What I hear you saying is that it makes you mad.” Then you can ask, “Why does this make you angry? How else does that make you feel?” When you have heard your partner’s point of you, it will be your turn to talk about your feelings. Make a sincere effort to fix upset areas. 8. Try to stand in your partner’s shoes and see the world from his/her point of view. Wanting to understand does not mean you are “giving in” or being weak. It means your love or marriage relationship comes first. You want to the bottom of the conflict so you can resolve it. Being understood is the number one diffusion technique in any conflict. It can prevent years of marriage counseling. You can say, “What I hear you saying is …” Drop your pride and be willing to say that you apologize even if you don’t think you did anything wrong. Intentions are not always interpreted as they were meant. You say, “I am sorry, I do see how it could have come across that way.” Only then will they be open to hear your point of view.” 9. Offer a heart-felt apology. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t intend to do anything wrong if the other person in your marriage or love relationship feels offended. You can say, “I am sorry. I do apologize for that. I can see your point of view and imagine how that would feel.” 10. Do not under any circumstances call names. When you call your love a bitch, bastard, whore, asshole, idiot, stupid, and so on, you are being abusive. You may win the current battle but your marriage or romance will suffer. Don’t be surprised if you need marriage counseling or your love relationship suffers. Keep in mind, both of you have a right to feel the way you do. What counts is being heard and understood. You friendship, love or marital relationship can grow, deepen and be a place of safety, love and expansion when you follow these simple rules.

         
    How silence can destroy a relationship

     

    : I talk with many women who don't understand what brought their relationships to the point of needing therapy. After all, 'they don't ever argue with their husbands'. Well, of course that sends a huge, waving, red flag up. If you NEVER disagree, you probably aren't being honest or worse - not saying anything. Relationship silence. It's a poison for you and your partner because usually when you've reached the point of silence - or shutting down - and just not wanting to deal with your partner on any type of meaningful communicative way...you're in big trouble and could be headed for a break-up or separation. How do I know if we are being silent? You know that your relationship is suffering from silence when you haven't debated with your partner about anything in the past few months - in fact, you haven't had an interesting conversation about anything that is important to either of you in the past few months or weeks. You have disconnected. And either you or he initiated the silence in an effort to stop having to deal with judgments, criticisms, and other negative conversation killers. Why is it such a poison? When there is healthy debate or even heated arguing in a relationship, that means that both people are trying to get their voices heard. They are trying to get their points across. They are trying convince their partners of something or convince themselves. Any way you slice it - opinions are out on the table and both of you know where the other stands. With silence, no one knows where the other stands. There is a lot of guessing and assuming, because no one is being heard. And we all know where that can lead. What can I do about it? Relationship silence is easy to cure. Just start talking. The biggest hurdle is for someone to take the first step. The second is to begin to understand why you both shut down to begin with. What was the last big argument you had? And what was said? And if the silence has gotten beyond the point of anyone taking that first leap of faith - you may need an impartial person such as a mediator, religious leader, or therapist to help you through it. Quick Tip: If you are afraid to talk to your partner because of what his reaction may be - ask yourself "what am I afraid of?" What would the worst case scenario be if I demanded to be heard? Do I trust my partner not to judge me, berate me, or leave me if I speak up?

         
    How to approach any woman anywhere

     

    See, as humans, we all have two ways of thinking. Number 1 is using logic or our conscious minds. Number 2 is using emotion or our subconscious minds. The great thing about seducing women is that they are HARD WIRED to follow their emotional thoughts and feelings that are the same across ALL women! They cannot help it. That’s why so many women fall for the same "ass hole" guys. Their logical brains are telling them that they’ll be cheated on. That they’ll be messed around. That they’d be better off with the nice guy. And they are usually right, but women are RUN by their emotional side of the brain. They can’t help but seek out the excitement, the alpha male, the bad boy. Now I’m not for one moment trying to suggest you should become a "bad boy" ass hole, but I’m DEFINITELY saying that if you are frustrated in the dating game, chances are you’ve tried the nice guy way already and it simply doesn’t work at anything other than becoming their "friend" which is the LAST thing you want. PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT suggesting you should become a "bad boy" With my unique system I can make you trigger ALL of the emotional attraction switches in the female mind within 7 minutes – without acting like you are somebody else – and get the same success that those few same guys get, all for yourself. It’s as simple as this… If you do and say certain things in a certain way then women WILL become attracted to you. They can’t help it. Women have emotionally evolved brains that DENY logic and make decisions based solely on feelings – when it comes to who they are attracted to. And you know what evolution has done for you also? Made it so that YOUR looks are only 20% of what a woman is looking for. And if you happen to be above a certain "acceptable" levels of looks (and let me tell you, this level is low, lots of UGLY guys make the grade) then you can bypass this 20% TOTALLY and make the whole of a woman’s attraction be about WHO you are and HOW you act, instead of what you look like, or how much you get paid! Let me state that more simply. Use This techniques and it will NOT matter if you are good looking or not, whether you are rich or not, whether you are bald or fat.. ALL of that WON’T MATTER ONE LITTLE BIT. You can "turn off" that side of her brain and have almost any woman in your spell. Sound good?

         
    How to be a good boyfriend

     

    A man can easily learn how to be a good boyfriend. All it takes is a little bit of practice and determination to do it. Willingness is the key for any man to learn how to be a good boyfriend. Unfortunately not all men are willing to study and do what it takes to be a good boyfriend. Most men foolishly adopt a ‘love me or leave me’ attitude wherein they are too stubborn to admit their shortcomings. These are usually the type of men that bank on the frailty of most women, the kind of women who would rather die than be left alone without a man. However, men of this character must be living in the dark ages, as many women today would not tolerate this type of behavior. The modern woman of today is more discerning. Any man who would want to be in a relationship with her would certainly have to brush up on how to be a good boyfriend in order to keep her interested. Fortunately there are still a lot of men who believe in giving their best in a relationship. These men take the initiative in learning how to be a good boyfriend to their significant other. And in the end reap the rewards of their labor with a loving and satisfying relationship. Learning How to be a Good Boyfriend Learning how to be a good boyfriend has a lot of advantages not just for women but also for men. A man that makes an effort to learn how to be a good boyfriend can look forward to a better and stronger relationship with their partner. An appreciative girlfriend will most likely shower her man with more love and affection than before. In addition, there will probably be less nagging that will surely be a welcome respite for any man. However if a man still experiences the same type of treatment even after learning how to be a good boyfriend then there is something wrong. It would be a good idea to assess the relationship at this point. Perhaps the man is not to blame and the fault lies elsewhere. Keep in mind that there are some women in the world that cannot be content unless they are nagging or criticizing something. At this point, a man may want to think if the relationship is still worth pursuing or if it would be time to move on and probably find someone who would appreciate them better. A Guide on How to be a Good Boyfriend A good boyfriend knows how to keep his girlfriend happy. Satisfying a woman is a comprehensive plan that does not only involve the sexual aspect of a relationship. A good way to do so is to make her feel special by complimenting her on how well she looks. Women do their best to look pretty for their man and a little flattering remark goes a long way to show her that her efforts are appreciated. It is also a good idea for a man to evaluate his own physical appearance. As a woman takes the time to look good for her man therefore a man should also look good for his woman. To show respect for her and her family is a trait of a good boyfriend that every man should adopt. A well-mannered man is polite and nice to his girlfriend’s family. Women are particularly appreciative of a man that accepts and loves her familymunication is a vital part of every relationship. Women cherish a man who listens and pays attention to what they have to say. There are no hard and fast rules on how to be a good boyfriend. And learning how to be a good boyfriend is not easy. The enthusiasm to learn must be present. It is also important to be comfortable and at ease with oneself when undertaking such an education. Being true to oneself is an important part of the learning process. A man forced into learning how to be a good boyfriend can develop negative emotions that would not be healthy for the individual and for the relationship. If a man were not interested in learning then he would only be fooling himself and his partner.

         
    How to be romantic

     

    No one is born romantic. But like most things in life, being romantic is something that can be learned. Although romantic gestures may seem like they come easily to some people that is only because they’ve had lots of practice and because they are in tune with what motivates the opposite sex. Because that’s all that is involved. Being romantic involves finding out what your partner wants (not what they need!), and then finding a unique way to meet those wants. Pretty simple, huh? Let’s get one thing cleared up first. Being romantic isn’t about some grand extravagant gesture like flying first class to Paris for a 2 week romantic blitz. It’s about the little things. Little things are simple things that you do for your loved one. Despite the fact that they are "little" they can mean a lot because it illustrates that you took time out of your busy life just to show them how much you care. One thing that most people want, male and female, is to feel special and loved. It’s how you show them that you love them, where the challenge comes in. Some people feel loved when they are told repeatedly that they are loved. Others feel loved when they are touched frequently. And others see love in gestures and everyday kindnesses. Of course, there are others that may need all three of the above to really feel loved and secure but usually there is one need that dominates. You need to find out what your partner needs and then you can begin working out what method you will use to romance them. Not sure what your loved one prefers? Do an experiment or three and see how they respond? You’ll very quickly work it out. What can you do if your loved one wants to hear how much you love them? You need to tell them. But don’t just tell them and have it coming off like some kind of rote response to hello or goodbye or please pass the pepper. Think about different ways you can get your message across. You could: . Post them a good old fashioned love letter . Send a romantic email . Text them a love message . Place a love note somewhere it will be found easily, in their car or lunch bag or under their pillow or taped to the phone receiver or their computer . For the kid in all of us! Use multi-colored, sidewalk chalk to draw a BIG heart in red and write “I love you" in the middle of the heart. Do this someplace prominent like your driveway so that when your partner comes home they will see it right away. . Make a long list of the many reasons why you love your partner and have the list framed and present it to them. . If you don’t live together, call your loved one just to say goodnight and recite a favorite love poem over the phone. . Give your loved one a compliment, about how great they look or what their smile does to you If your loved one needs regular physical contact to feel loved you can: . Give them a massage – backs and feet at the end of a work week is always well received! . Keep in physical contact as often as you can, for example, when watching TV together, eating dinner (it doesn’t just have to be hands, you can make sure your feet or legs are touching) . Give them random hugs . Put your arm around your loved one in public . Hold hands as you walk side by side . Cuddle up in your pj’s and watch a romantic movie together . Make sure you kiss them when you get home and kiss before you leave If your actions speak louder than words for your loved one then you’ll want to focus on gestures that express your feelings. You can try: . While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer. . Have flowers delivered to partner at work. . Surprise your partner by arriving home with their favorite drink, snack, or ice-cream. . Arrange for an intimate lunch date with your partner. Then afterward, send a virtual card. Tell them how much you enjoyed lunch together. . Call your partner in the middle of the day to discuss your romantic plans for that evening. . Write your own love coupon offering an hour of your time as their personal love slave. . Cook a favorite meal for your partner and then eat it, slowly, by candlelight. . Pick a bouquet of wild flowers and present them with a kiss. . Call spontaneously at their work to say “I am thinking of you.” If they like all of the above then you can really go wild and mix it all up together. The only limit is your own imagination and the desire to make it happen.

         
    How to be true to yourself and be in a relationship

     

    The Three Stages Of Relationships Stage 1: The Dependent Relationship Woman were dependent on men. Men were not supposed to express their emotions and were confined to the role of "breadwinner". Woman were confined to the role of housewife, with little political or economic power and few opportunities to move beyond their household lives. We needed each other in order to feel whole and complete. The first stage partner says “I need a partner to complete me.” Both partners come from feeling incomplete. Stage 2: The 50/50 relationship Two independent people, whole unto themselves, coming together as equals and evenly splitting the responsibilities of the household finances and childrearing. Even though this was a great step from dependency most woman were finding out they had to cover or hide their unique and natural expression of "Feminine radiance in order to succeed in today’s more Masculine oriented economy. This model was very beneficial for many years and now seems to be shifting due to the side effects of men and woman becoming more sexually neutralized, unable to give each other what they really want in intimacy. When we focus on dividing the pie equally, our intimate embrace often becomes more like a business handshake or a business deal than a delicious swoon that dissolves two lovers into a single heart of desire. Ultimately what we have accomplished is protecting our hearts from each other. The second stage partner says “I don't need a partner and if I let one in it will be 50/50 with everything.” Stage 3: Intimate Communion. There is a deep surrender and commitment to love, not necessarily to each other. The priority is to love. The thirds stage occurs when two people come together from wholeness and with two trustworthy individuals. The surrender of self into love is the basis for Intimate Communion. In our culture to surrender into love is considered an act of weakness by many. For the third stage partner this deep surrender is a sign of strength and commitment to love deeply. It is an ongoing practice of sexual union, emotional openness and spiritual trust. It is a practice of love and surrendering the fearful boundaries that guard your heart. To practice opening your heart in every moment, including when you feel hurt. Rather than turn away or close down, you practice loving. It’s not about striking back, closing down, or becoming distant. The third stage partner says “ Because of the all the love I have . . . I need a partner to open my heart and deliver us to God.” The questions to ask . . . does being in this relationship open me to love? Am I and the world being served more by being in or out of this relationship? The third stage partner says "I need a partner to take me to surrender me to love as I am unable to do this alone." “Is this relationships opening me to love?” First level - Feels like prison. Second level - Feels like a 50/50 game. Third level - The experience of true freedom This is how it is possible to remain authentic and commit to a relationship fully. It is a daily commitment to love not a life time to a person. It is a commitment to love and only love. I don’t have to give up me to be loved by you! This place of true freedom is completely free falling. Free falling into the depths of unknown and uncharted places. It’s very vulnerable, scary and very exciting. You have virtually no references for this place and yet deep in your heart you have longed for the deep union for a lifetime. You hope that somehow your relationship would evolve into this instead of eroding it. The erosion began when we enforced boundaries, rules and isolated with huge walls around our hearts leaving us to feel a deep emptiness within. The emptiness we feel is about the loss of love we are not experiencing as men and women. The emptiness is due to our getting off track of what is most important. The most important work a man does is to discover and live his purpose. Until he knows his purpose a man cannot ever commit to a woman , be happy in his work or with himself. He will continually feel a deep emptiness inside. His constant fear is that he will die with his music left in his heart. He will look to fill this hole with a lot of busyness, pushing toward career goals, women, sex, alcohol, drugs, anything to avoid feeling that deep void. When a man is on purpose . . . he is extremely attractive to other women and men. It is not a man’s purpose to commit to a woman or a relationship. That may be how he demonstrates his purpose, but it is not a man’s purpose. A woman truly respects a man who stays on his purpose. A women will test her man to get him off purpose. If she succeeds in taking her man off purpose she loses respect and searches to replace him. If a man stays on purpose during a woman testing him, she acknowledges that he trustworthy and will open deeply to this man. A woman's greatest power is her ability to radiate her feminine essence. What does showing up like a genuine radiating women look like in the world? Surrendering to life and receiving. To nurture from a receiving place versus a giving place. The key is, to be willing to go deeply into everything. Not staying on the surface. The surface is masculine . ..the “get it done” energy. The feminine is deeply immersed in the feelings and wants to take her time and enjoy each precious moment. Who are models of radiating feminine essence in our culture? You can see it in their eyes. You can see joy emanating and it looks like they just ended a wild dance with the divine. Questions 1. What does the new genuine man and woman look like? 2. Who are the roles models in our society that emulate this, The Genuine Woman Her deep commitment to love is her beauty. Willing to go deeply on a moment notice. Is spontaneous and present to the moment. Does not need to plan because she trusts the divine plan to unfold perfectly. Sees the oneness in everyone eyes and in everything around her. Surrounds her life with beauty and finds the beauty in all things around her. Is vulnerable and open. Naturally radiates love in her eyes and movement. Listens really well. Takes extraordinary care of herself because she knows how much it matters . Says no easily without harshness. Trusts her inner voice. Practices her relationships with the divine on a moment by moment basis. Longs to be opened more deeply by every experience in her life. Is fearless without distraction. Trusts her inner voice. Women who radiate feminine essence Jackie Onasis, Catherine Zeta Jones, Maya Angelou, Melanie Griffith, Natalie Wood, Princess Diana, Audrey Hepburn, Liz Taylor, Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jessica Lange, Grace Kelly, Meryl Streep, Kim Basinger, Juliette Binoche, Sade, Norah Jones, Cher, Celine Dion, Dianne Carrol, Nicole Kidman , Goldie Hawn Who would you add to this list? The Genuine Man He does not confuse wealth and material possession with the quality of himself. Knows his purpose and is living it in a giving non-egoistic manner Has a very strong presence without any need for domination Is inspired by and embraces a woman's radiance Can go deep Does not allow a relationship with woman or business/society to take him off purpose Goes deep comes out fearlessly and shares lovingly and honestly The 3rd stage man says, 'If I'm going to be with her, I'm going all the way with her.' That doesn't necessarily mean sexually, it means all the way to God. So strongly balanced in his emotional nature that clarity and comfort to express needs is easily & readily available He does not confuse wealth and material possession with the quality of himself. Enjoys expressing his feelings Shows up with integrity and does what he says he will do Protects his woman Is loyal and trustworthy Is whole and complete unto himself Is responsive Is awake and aware Is secure with himself Is energized by intimacy Men who live on purpose and have great masculine presence: Robert Redford, Gene Hackman, Antonio Bandereas, Sean Connery, New Warren Beatty Colin Powell, Martin Luther King, Humphrey Bogart, Denzel Washington, Paul Newman Yul Brynner, Clark Gable, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Ron Howard, Seal, Sidney Poitier, Samuel Jackson vWho would you add to this list?

         
    How to boost confidence quickly and easily

     

    Everyone needs to boost confidence from time to time and we have found some very helpful ways to make sure that you are always feeling in top form, with the empowerment and confidence to shine how you should, at your best. In our daily lives we can take on too much and become swamped with all the hassles and problems which we have to solve; so when you are feeling down or lacking in confidence the most effective ways to boost that confidence will be to focus on more positive and helpful things. Many people find their confidence through different methods and while these are not all of them they have proven helpful for me as well as others. A quick way of getting a boost in confidence can be to give yourself a bit of a make over or special treatment concerning your appearance. For most people simply looking good will aid in giving you that boost of confidence to get through an interview or tough meeting. Maybe you are meeting someone for the first time you want to make a good impression and if you are concerned about your performance first impressions are made in the 5-10 seconds therefore your appearance and body language are of vital importance. While taking a little extra care and effort while preparing will not only make you look better but by looking better you will walk a little taller and assuming you are comfortable you will naturally act with more confidence and self control. In a situation where what you tell yourself is just not enough or when going through a particularly long period of lack of confidence you may find it useful to find a Cheerleader or someone to support you. When I say cheerleader I do not mean pompoms and high jumps, but someone whose opinion you respect that can give you some daily advice, tips and encouragement. This is nice to have in times when you just cannot pick yourself up. Have someone on hand that you can call or visit when you need to, or even someone that just occasionally rings you just to cheer you up. It will make a huge difference to not only your life but theirs as well. Another way to boost confidence is to actively seek and visualize your goals. As you should already be aware achievement and attainment of goals are worthwhile and solid steps which boost your confidence, but did you know that by simply visualizing the event step by step you are creating positive and confidence boosting in your conscious as well as subconscious. You will have a clearer idea of what you want and how to get it which can be just the boost of confidence that you may need. If you are unhappy with the person that you are now then visualize the person you want o be and. Be specific and clear in your goals and visualization for optimal results and if visualization is not your strong point writing and recording may prove more useful for you. Finally a key factor of confidence can relate to how you deal with and think about failure. If you can view failure as a learning curve and a situation to be experienced and developed from then you will be fine but for those whose failures still haunt them years later and drastically affect your confidence and self-esteem you will need to change the way you view failure. Especially when looking for employment, you may need to take a few rejections and miss a few opportunities before you hit the jackpot. It is imperative that you deal with loss failure or a missed opportunity as a learning experience, something to evaluate and draw new skills from. Analyze and articulate where you went well and where you need improvement. Failure is meant to be learnt from so the quicker you learn from your mistakes the quicker you will succeed.

         
     
         
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