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    Free Essay
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    Why you never get what you truly want

     

    Many of us, whether we know it or not, live within a prison of our own making. This prison has no metal bars, nor can its walls be seen by the naked eye; however, it is every bit as effective in keeping us from our freedom as a real prison cell. It’s called our comfort zone Comfort zones can take on a variety of different forms, from the area in which you live and the circle of people with whom you socialise, to the amount of money you earn. The primary force that keeps you living within your zone is your fear-based belief about what will happen if you move outside it. Regardless of how ridiculous or unrealistic that belief may be, you will accept it as truth depending on the level of certainty you feel. Your comfort zone is not really comfortable at all, but is really a virtual prison that keeps you from evolving and growing as a human being. The bars to that prison are your fears about what may possibly happen if you move beyond them. The key to your freedom therefore lies in the removal of the underlying beliefs that cause those fears to exist. Just for a moment think about a goal or dream you have that seems somehow out of reach. Now check to see if achieving it requires that you move out of your comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory. It could be a dream job, a new relationship, starting your own business, losing weight, or living in a totally different part of the world. As you do this little exercise notice how a subtle feeling of fear or nervousness begins to emerge in your chest or stomach area. This is your unconscious mind springing into action with the intention of dissuading you from doing anything it perceives may put you in danger. Most of the time you won’t notice the constant influence your comfort zone plays in your life, and you might find yourself placing the blame for your lack of progress towards your goals on laziness or procrastination. However, if you stop and consider just for a moment why you can’t seem to get that item crossed off your to-do list, make that phone call, or fill out that application, you will begin to realise the true cause: What you want to do is outside your comfort zone. It is your beliefs that direct your mind to do this; therefore, in order to break through your self-imposed limitations and achieve the success you desire, you will need to remove them.

         
    Why you should get your own self improvement video read on

     

    It cannot be denied that what works for one does not work for another. If what your friends say and what you read does not seem to inspire you to improve yourself, then it is time to consider self improvement videos. It cannot be denied that some people can better comprehend something when they see it on screen. That is the psychology behind these videos. Getting the focus of the person watching them like no other ways can do. The need for self improvement is now an issue many people are focusing on. There are already a lot of self improvement articles out there. Not only that, a lot of experts are also lending their talent and expertise in helping people develop themselves. With the internet came the easiest means of looking for self improvement advice from other people. For those who took pleasure in reading, they turn to articles and other forms of writing. But for those who just likes to sit back, see and listen, self improvement videos are the ones chosen. There are websites that are capable of providing you with all the self improvement videos that are necessary to get your commitment power out and utilize it to whichever change or improvement you want to make with your own person. These videos consist of information and exercises. When you start these readings and exercises, you will immediately feel the desired change inside yourself. And with repetition of the exercises the change or improvements will become automatic. Repetition is the key to a life long improvement of your personality. These videos are meant to aid in everlasting self-improvement and personal growth in all areas of life. Some are concentrated on a few areas that many people may feel especially important and hard to improve. For example, the people behind can help you with your effort for self esteem improvement. Low self-esteem and confidence are the cause of many personal as well as inter-personal difficulties. Self improvement videos will assist you take command of your career as well as your financial freedom and independence. You can get the career you wish as well as the wealth and prosperity that you decide you deserve. They can also help with building positive relationships and finally show you how you can apply the tools inherent for you to change habits. These videos may not come cheap for some who would rather have self improvement tools that come for free. The only advantage in getting self improvement videos is that it will be available anytime you want to watch them. Videos on self improvement are not the only tools you can use if you are intent on achieving personal improvement. There are also e-books and e-courses available. Try to also see look at the other self improvement tools offered by these sites. Most of the time, the products offered are well reputed and researched thoroughly for quality and effectivity. When to get a self improvement video? When it came to the point that the advices you get from family, friends and even on the internet are not getting through your head. This would also be your choice if you need a tool you can use anytime and anywhere to help you on your self improvement. Chances are, if you have seen these self improvement videos twice or thrice, you have probably memorized all the things it had to say and show.

         
    Will the democrats be able to reverse the online gambling ban

     

    Many people were hoping that if the Democrats won control of Congress they would reverse the online gambling ban, but experts doubt they will even try or that if they do that the will be successful. Once the bill was passed and signed into law by the president, it became much harder to reverse the law. The democrats would need to bring up the law and get it to a vote, then after the vote passed it needs to go to the president for his signature. The problem with this is that the current president is the one who signed the bill into law in the first place. Another problem is because the gambling ban was attached to another bill, it means that to reverse the law the entire bill needs to be reversed, but the other part of the bill is for an increase in port security, so any congressmen who recommends reversing this law, will be going on record as trying to reverse the increase in port security. Because of this trying to get the law reversed could ruin a congressman’s chances of ever getting elected to public office again for the rest of their lives. It is more likely that it will have to wait till the end of George Bushes term in office and then get an amendment to the law that reverses only gambling ban part of the law. So if you are on Online Gambling enthusiast and you were hoping that after the election the online gambling ban would just disappear I am sorry to say you were mistaken and that you are going to have to wait a little longer, but that does not mean you need to sit quietly by. The key is to make sure that you are heard, write letters to congressmen, and attend protest rallies anything that will keep this issue in the front of the minds of the politicians so they know that just as the Republicans lost the house so can they. The republicans used the online gambling ban to try to gain votes for them in the last weeks before the election, but it backfired on them and lost them more votes then it brought in. Hopefully the Democrats will learn from the mistakes of the Republicans and will understand that banning something never works, and that it is only thru regulating the online gambling industry that will ensure that it is safe and honest to play and that no underage children manage to play. Other wise I am sure that the Democrats will also see the wrath of the American voters when it comes time for the next elections. The American people are tired of having the government controlling every aspect of their lives and I think this election may have made their point for them. So if the question is will they try to reverse the law I am sure they will try, but how successful they will be is still up in the air, and no one can really know what the outcome will be.

         
    Wish upon a shooting star

     

    I have always been a dreamer. Even when I was a little kid my thoughts were always full of how my life could be different or of how the world could become a better place. Sometimes, after my mom had tucked me into bed with an instruction to stay in my bed no matter what, I'd sneak over to the large window in my bedroom and stare outside into space. I would find an area of the sky that was filled with the most stars and I would wait. I would whisper a wish (because wishes always had to be said outloud) and wait for a shooting star to fall and make my wish come true. Sometimes my wishes would be for myself and other times I would make wishes for my friends or my family. I didn't like it that my knee got all scraped up when I fell down on the playground, and I didn't like it that other kids got made fun of if they had to wear glasses. So I would make wishes about things like these. I would wait on a shooting star in hopes that my mom would stop crying so much or so that my baby sister wouldn't be sick all the time. I believed with all my heart that all it took for my dreams to come true was seeing a shooting star fall from the sky. I believed there was something magical about a shooting star, something in it that was the answer to peoples' problems. Even now, as an adult, I find myself wondering if wishing on a shooting star doesn't in some way help solve the problems of the world. It seems like too many of my childhood wishes got answered for there to not be at least a little magic in a shooting star. Of course now my wishes are for bigger things like world peace or the eradication of all of the world's poverty. I dream about a world without violence and about a world where every child is given a chance to live. And while most of the time these dreams never make it outside the walls of my own mind, every now and then I'll be outside on a clear night and find myself gazing up to the sky and wishing my dreams outloud, just above a whisper. I'm not sure if I keep looking for a shooting star because I really believe in it's magic or if I'm just caught up in a habit from my childhood. Either way, I guess it is good for me to believe in the power of a little dreaming and of wishing upon a shooting star.

         
    Women workshops what you want to see what s inside and how it works all revealed

     

    Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside out. But it is assaulted or stunted from the outside in. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from the culture and/or relationships. The reign of youth, beauty and thinness in our society dooms every woman to eventual failure. Women's magazines, starting with the teenage market, program them to focus all their efforts on their appearance. Many girls learn, by age 12, to drop formerly enjoyable activities in favor of the beauty treadmill leading to nowhere. They become fanatical about diets. They munch, like rabbits, on leaves without salad dressing, jog in ice storms, and swear they love it! Ads abound for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to "repair" our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. Yet with all this effort, they still never feel like they are good enough. A workshop a set of activities designed to promote learning, discussion and feedback about a topic or event, you have achieve this with the traditional get together workshop, but online, all you need to do it logon to find other peoples views and suggestions about their life changing ways into a better self. Get better everyday Plan to do one thing that will help you improves physically, intellectually, emotionally, even spiritually. Making just one change for the better will boost your attitude from the inside out. You can actually chose what you want to change in this category first. Things you do most are the ones you need to focus on. A simple task wont take that long. Little things add up It's amazing, really. The seemingly meaningless things you do for yourself may not have immediate results, but after just a short period of time they'll have you looking and feeling better. So add those bubbles to your bath, make sure you eat your vegetables, get enough sleep, think of doing something nice when you have nothing to do, and the results will be worth it. Mirrors don’t lie Catty acquaintances can. Well-meaning friends might out of kindness or fear of hurting the friendship, but if you've got spinach in your teeth, your mirror will point it out. These things can be bothersome when you thought you were in your best but end up like this, so keep in mind about how to look best every time and enjoy its benefits. Just go If you just can't get rid of that cowlick in your hair, that pimple on your nose, or those extra three pounds from yesterday's buffet, just throw some gel in you hair, conceal that pimple the best you can, and wear something that's not too clingy. Appreciate To get that attitude going the right way, you need to appreciate your face and body for what it is. It may be unrealistic to tell you to love it, but you certainly shouldn't hate it. You definitely need to value what life has thrown you. That's easier said than done in this society of model adulation and unrealistic standards. If you take a look at any success story and grasp the one element of similarity between them, you'll notice that virtually every self-made, successful person has this one super-important object of success in their mind - a burning desire to succeed. What counts is your frame of mind. Age, location, ethnic origin, gender, or any other individuality have absolutely no part in your attitude to become what you desire.

         
    Words that hypnotize using subliminal language to get what you want

     

    Many people wish to gain a greater influence over others in their life. There can be a lot of reasons for this. Business interactions, social situations and even friendships could profit from the proper use of language. Wouldn’t it be great if we could find a way to use language in such a way that it really impacted the listener and "drove" home the idea or concept we were trying to share? Wouldn’t it help if you could properly convey the meaning of what you were saying? Well there is such an approach and it was first devised, by cunning hypnotists, as a way of speaking directly to the subconscious mind without the subject being aware of it! It is called hypnotic language or hypnotic conversation. Hypnotists manipulate this clever use of language in order to relax their subject during hypnosis and deepen their trance. It is a very simple technique that has become famous within hypnotic circles and is even starting to be used in the business world. Beware though, its use must be subtle. It basically involves your tone of voice and how you intone certain words. You put the slightest amount of emphasis on the words in a sentence to change it from a question or proposal to a command. For example "maybe you want to relax completely or maybe you just want to chill out", seems straight forward enough. However, manipulate the sentence with the use of hypnotic language and it changes from a proposal to the command "you want to relax completely" and "you just want to chill out". So how can we do this? It is really very simple. But before you find out the how’s we must know the why’s. Non-verbal communications make-up about 80%, at least, of the message that we are trying to convey to people. Regardless of what it is that you are actually saying, your body language, posture, eye movement, blood flow to the face and a myriad of other signals tells a person exactly what you are trying to communicate. For this reason we can often get the sense that someone is lying to us or not telling us the whole story even when they are searing that what they are saying is the truth. Subconsciously we pick up on these non-verbal clues and "read" the situation as being different from how the person speaking is trying to convey it. Those people who can beat lie-detector machines can, either consciously or unconsciously, regulate these non-verbal communications. Likewise the intonement you use in your everyday speech is a very important factor in all speech. Your tone of voice can convey messages to your subconscious mind that go unnoticed by your conscious, rational mind. It is through the use of your tone and the spacing of your words that you can literally hypnotize the person you are speaking to. You can also use this technique to turn any words you want in a sentence into subliminal commands. For instance in the above mentioned example the hypnotist would say the sentence in the following way, [slow and melodic] "mayyyyybbbbeeebe" [in a harder authoritative tone "YOU WANT TO RELAX COMPLETELY", [slow and melodic] "orrrrr mayyyyybbbbeeeee" [again in a harder authoritative tone] "YOU JUST WANT TO CHILL OUT". It should be noted that this effect is very subtle and only becomes noticeable when it is pointed out to you. During hypnosis you are consciously aware that the hypnotist is speaking in a rather strange manner but don’t have any clue as to what is going on and think it is just part of the induction process. However, in a real-life situation the subtlety has to be observed even more - for obvious reasons. Let’s take an example. You are in a business meeting and want your proposal to be accepted. You say the following, "perhaps if you give this some thought you may find that this is a good idea and one worth pursing now or maybe even in the future". Simple enough! Now lets make it a hypnotic subliminal command. You would say, "perhaps if you give this some thought you may" " find" [shorten the normal pause between the last word and the next] "that" [pause for a millisecond longer and change your tone only slightly] "this is a good idea and one worth pursing now" [pause for a millisecond longer] "or2 [shorten the normal pause between the last word and the next] "maybe" "even in the future". The sentence then becomes a command to the subconscious mind which it will accept because it notices the difference in tone as follows, "perhaps if you give this some thought you may find that THIS IS A GOOD IDEA AND ONE WORTH PURSUING NOW or maybe even in the future". You should play with this use of hypnotic language until you can fully comprehend what is actually going on. If it is done in a hasty or unrehearsed manner it is plainly apparent to everyone what you are doing. The people who are experts at this go unnoticed and you would never know they were doing it - until now! Listen to hypnotists (and others who want to persuade you....you know who they are) speaking and see if you can pick out the hypnotic subliminal commands they are using. This will help you develop your new found skill. Before ever trying it in a real setting practise it on someone close and ask them did they notice anything different about your language and if so ask them if they can identify the difference and if they knew what you were doing. After some practise and a few neat outcomes you will get the hang of it.

         
    Work less accomplish more and enjoy it fully part i

     

    Copyright 2006 Reggie Odom What if there was a way or ways to take the work out of work, out of relationships, out of life itself, while having more of what you want in all areas of your life? Imagine for a moment that you have simply let go of struggle, intense effort or hard work, and have what you really want in your life with greater ease than you ever imagined. You might find that difficult to imagine, or wonder what planet I live on where such a thing is possible. “Letting go” is the operative idea here. Let’s take a look at those two words, “letting go,” for a moment. Letting go simply means giving up attempts to control or force experience or outcomes. To appreciate letting go, it is useful to experience its opposite. Clench both of your fists very tightly and hold them that way for a few moments. Feel the tension that spreads out from your hands, up through your arms and into your body, into your head so that even your brain feels tight. Have you ever felt that way when you were intensely working, maybe struggling to make a deadline or complete your “to do” list for the day, or make some person listen to you or get that new client that you want? Now simply open your hands, palms up and let them relax. You might notice the tension created by your tight fists simply melt away, and your body and mind relax. Now you are in a state of receptivity, of allowing. Letting go allows things to come your way, allows what you really want to happen. What comes may be in the form of ideas, people, places or things. As long as you are holding on tightly, you’ll spend a great deal of time trying to make things happen that usually don’t, or if they do, there is no joy and little, if any, real satisfaction and fulfillment. There is a story about catching monkeys in India that highlights the ills of holding on. When monkey hunters go out to catch monkeys, they use coconuts and the psychology of holding on. First they cut a hole in one end of a coconut, just large enough for a monkey’s hand to go through, and place a banana in the coconut. They then drill holes through the “eyes” of the coconut, attach a wire through the holes and sit behind a tree with the other end of the wire in their hands and wait for a monkey. Sure enough, a monkey always comes, delighted to find a ripe, juicy banana just waiting for the taking. The monkey thrusts its hand into the coconut and grabs the banana. There’s only one problem, and a pretty big one? When the monkey’s hand is tight in a fist around the banana, it is now too big to pull back through the hole. The monkey tries and tries but no matter how hard it tries, it cannot get its hand out of the coconut with the banana. There is a really simple solution which you might have already noticed - letting go of the banana. But the monkey never does that and as a result it is captured. The only thing standing between the monkey and freedom is “letting go.” What are you holding on to that is standing between you and your freedom? We can hold on to people or things we love as well as those that we do not. Holding on is a form of resistance. Sometimes holding on can squeeze the life out of something very beautiful. Holding on is generally based in fear. You can rest assured that anything that is naturally yours will still be after you release your hold on it. In fact, it may be really yours for the first time since it will be yours in freedom. Letting go allows the truth to emerge, and the best course to follow. Abraham, one of my favorite teachers, said last week that not a single action that is not an action of joy comes to any good. An action that is taken in a “holding on” frame of mind is not an action of joy but of fear. The reverse of that is also true - actions done with joy are auspicious actions, boding well for good things to come. Letting go allows you greater access to your natural brilliance and passions, to the deepest truths of who you are and to what you “really” want. Remember, you are a natural! You are brilliant! You are magnificent! Simply by being you. Won’t you let your light shine? Tips: 1. Write down the things you are holding on to in your life. 2. Now look at your list and simply open your hands. 3. Practice opening your hands many times throughout the day, especially when you are feeling tight or tense. 4. Check in with yourself before taking action. Ask yourself, "Am I taking this action in joy, or in fear?" If in joy, enjoy! If in fear, stop for a few moments and open your hands before proceeding.

         
    Work life balance

     

    Its seems like work life balance is an issue with growing importance these days, as more and more parents change the traditional family settings and move into different working patterns, new, unfamiliar problems in balancing work and life rise, and work life balance suddenly becomes an important subject. So much has changed in our work patterns in the last decade that many people in the western world do not hold on to what was once considered the “family values” with parents working from home, or splitting work between an office and the home office, family duties, tasks and activities are shifting and changing into a much more flexible and unpredicted setting. Work life balance is all about managing the time you got with them things you want to do, ask every successful manager and she will tell you that you have time enough to do everything you want to do, as long as you prioritize and fully understand what it is that you want to do in your day. work life balance is about setting limits and truly understanding how much each and every detail in your daily routine is important to you and to your goals. Two key elements for better Work life balance are prioritizing and delegating. Prioritizing starts by simply understanding that there is way too many things you want to do, and that you can not fit all of them into one day, or some time one week. Work life balance, for many of us, is really about balancing work and family, prioritizing draws a clear picture, sometimes its not a nice one, sometimes you need to give up a lot of your favorite things by prioritizing, but eventually, as your work life balance skills improve – you will benefit from this. Prioritizing is the first step to better work life balance because it starts the process of understanding the activities limit on a daily basis. Delegating work is another work life balance tool, this is something you can use to deal with growing tasks and not having enough time to manage everything. Managing time is the same as tasks management, and both are in fact the basics of work life management, in the daily routine everyone can do a little something for this life balance, family life can improve significantly by better work life balance, and that’s exactly why all the members of a family can contribute to it. One more thought about work life balance, if you think about it unplanned days pass very quickly, the planned ones can move as fast as the unplanned, but in the end of the day you feel more satisfied, and you know what you did. Understanding the time you got available and figuring out what you want to do with it is a great challenge, as with all life work balance challenges, going to bed at night and realizing you have done 90% of what you planned to do, and that your day had the structure of work and family activities you wanted will make you feel good and strong, some even say that it will make you sleep better at night. Start thinking about work life balance in your life today, balancing work and life is not so hard and it is something most of us need, you will enjoy more quality time with your family and less personal stress if you start thinking about your work life balance. Good luck.

         
    Work life balance adding white space

     

    You most probably heard that work life balance is called the ''holy grail of the 21st century.'' In bookstores, the bookshelves groan with books devoted to the topic, yet ironically enough, quite a few people just can't find the time to read them. May this article help you cast a fresh eye on what work life balance means to you and take a further step towards balanced life. Graphic designers and layout people will tell you that white space is what makes it possible for us to register text on a printed page or a computer screen. White space gives order, context, and emphasis to what matters. White space facilitates delight: it makes it possible for the contents of a page or of a life to be arranged in a pleasing way. It requites and allows artful choice. Without it, everything seems equally urgent, similarly important. Because it is empty, it is tempting to fill white space when the pressure is on. If you've ever tried to read an email that isn't broken up into short paragraphs, you know what happens when too much content squeezes out the white space. It is hard to track meaning, hard to isolate key points, hard to know how to respond. The same thing happens when there is not enough white space in our lives. When we steal time from the white space to make another meeting, start another project, make another call, we end up distracted, confused, and reactive. Depending on our individual styles, we may get irritable, weepy, bossy, or simply forgetful, none of which saves time, makes money, or engenders effective collaboration. In an ironic turnabout, we may start saying "no" to things we'd like to say "yes" to and vice versa. Play feels like work, work loses its charm, work life balance quits us. However, if we expand or maintain white space in times of great challenge, we will often notice that unexpected opportunities and solutions arise. When a problem is too big or complex to be solved with available resources, we have to go to another level to solve it. White space helps us find that other level and bring work life balance back, when pushing harder and moving faster won't work. I wrote a version of this article in September, 2001, when I realized that grappling with the events of that month required extra energy and that I needed more white space for a while as I adapted to the demands of those times. I think we are in similar times now, when, regardless of your politics or perspective, world events require our heartfelt and intelligent reflection, a process that is not likely in the short term to result in clear cut solutions. Staying awake, connected, and present in such times is a big job, and it's the kind of job that requires white space. I'm renewing my commitment to white space for the next few weeks. I leave for a month-long vacation soon, and it is tempting to work round the clock until I go. But I know too well the costs of that choice. So I'm getting out into the garden this weekend, taking time for music and reading, and making myself available for an afternoon nap or two. This is not self-indulgence. It's not even self-care. It's cultivating the white space that I need in order to maintain work life balance, show up, serve, and prosper in every aspect of my life and work. If there is not enough white space in your life to sustain work life balance, or if, like me, you need more white space than usual right now, take some time to revise your commitments and declare a moratorium on promises for a few days. If you are a manager, ask yourself how you can support your people in having the white space they need. It's not necessary to make a production of this; you can accomplish a good deal by simply keeping white space in mind as you assign tasks, evaluate performance, and manage the context and mood of your teams. Caring for white space can allow the shape of what is truly important to emerge while giving us the breathing room to stay balanced and respond more completely and effectively, if at a slower pace.

         
    Work life balance and burnout

     

    One of the serious risks of a sever poor work life balance routine is the risk of burnout, burnout is something that can be experienced without relation to work life management, and is also related to the work load and working environment stress. There is no doubt that better work life harmony will decrease the chances of a burnout and will provide a mental safety net for anyone juggling between a demanding job and a family life. Most of the adults in our world are expected to have a family and maintain a regular family life, with the proper time invested in quality time with the children and some time with the significant other to support a healthy family life, adults are also expected to work and contribute to the financial status of the family, maintaining a career and working in a business on a daily basis. When both partners work every day, the mental cost of making the necessary adjustments and compromises in terms of work is very important, most of the compromises first claim the free and quality time that is devoted to the family life and immediately after that they turn to the career or business needs. when someone is having a hard month it usually means that something in the home environment needed more attention than usual and that created a work load in the business, once the individual got back to work he finds that the work load is impossible to deal with, and he can try and get as much as possible done in the shortest time, usually meaning he will need to work nights, and spend every waking minute trying to close the gap. This stressful situation usually results in a burnout. Avoiding reaching a burnout is not as difficult as it seems, work life balance has a lot to do with time management and life management, once you decide you will manage your time and you life better, it will be easier to maintain the work life balance you are looking for. The first thing is to admit you can not close the gap and that you need help, or at least the understanding of you business partner or supervisor, almost everyone can understand that a family sometimes deals with extraordinary situations, and that sometimes things go not as planned, ask for a few minutes talk and explain that this situation has led to a overwhelming work load and that you will not be able to finish all of it in the near future, you can even ask for advice on how to work efficiently. The other things you can do is focus on yourself for a couple of days, keep working and do your home related tasks as usual, just try and keep some kind of track on how you are feeling and if you finish your day feeling exhausted and without any energy. If you notice that day after day you feel drained you should draw conclusions, talk with your partner about decreasing your task load and consider changing your job hours or even trying to find a work that you can manage better in your life.

         
    Work life balance and the power of positive thinking

     

    It's important to get a handle on mood swings or energy shifts if you want to maintain your work life balance and be successful in business. According to psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman, some folks appear to be hardwired to respond optimistically and hopefully to work life balance upset and life's ups and downs. Others are wired for opposite responses. Fortunately, you do not have to settle for the wiring you were born with. With practice you can improve your resilience and your hopefulness by acquiring solid positive thinking skills. I like to think of the process of building hopefulness, resilience and positive thinking skills as an analogue to building physical fitness: it takes attention, concentration, commitment, and repetition. If you approach a workout program with those qualities, you can almost always improve your fitness. The first hurdle to get over is the belief that you already need to be different in order to succeed. You don't. You are the way you are and you can start from here, overwhelmed, worried, anxious, whatever. Don't fall into your story about how you feel, but take a stand for what you intend to accomplish to restore your work life balance and where you plan to go. You do not need to feel better before you try these practices -- do them now. Another caveat: Do not interpret your progress in the short term -- measuring increase in strength and endurance after a single workout would be silly. Seligman points out that people with an optimistic approach to life habitually accept positive thoughts and dispute negative thoughts. Those of us who are wired to be more pessimistic tend to dispute the positive and accept the negative. Optimists tend to assume that their life balance will be restored, good events will happen again and that bad events are an exception; pessimists assume the reverse. I am oversimplifying his rigorously considered arguments, and I encourage you to read the book if the science of this is important to you. Here's a practice he recommends for shifting from hopelessness to hopefulness. I successfully use it with my clients to help them restore their work life balance. He calls it ABCDE for: Adversity -- Beliefs -- Consequences -- Disputation -- Energization. A - Adversity Start by spelling out the nature of the situation. Notice that you can experience hopelessness in response to ostensibly positive situations as well as to negative ones. For example, getting a new client or being accepted into a final round of interviews can upset your balance and send you into a whirlwind of anxiety and fear that produces just as much hopelessness and overwhelm as not getting the job or not making the cut. B -- Beliefs This is your opportunity to spell out the thoughts and beliefs that are fueling the negative response. C -- Consequences Look at the consequences of your beliefs -- what happened as a result? How do you behave? What happened then? D -- Disputation Actively dispute the beliefs that break your life balance and send you into the downward spiral. This is where you practice arguing with yourself in a productive way. E -- Energization When you have been effective in disputing the problem beliefs, you feel an influx of energy, a sense of renewed hope, or at least of peacefulness. So, here's an example from my life: Adversity: I was excited about moving forward on two projects when I fell on my bike and cracked my ribs. I was okay and working hard with this for almost three days, then depression and anxiety set in and my usual positive thinking ability left me. Instead of feeling like moving forward I felt like bursting into tears. Beliefs: How will I ever restore my work life balance and get things done if I can't stop these mood swings? Maybe I am just not meant to lead these projects. I don't know enough and I can't seem to get started -- I probably should have said no in the first place. It would be better to bow out now, as embarrassing as that will be, than to keep going and have a bigger train wreck later when I just can't make the grade. Consequences: These beliefs leave me feeling very sad and small, like a six year old, and then I wonder how a six year old can possibly be a leader. I find it hard to concentrate and I just want to hide. Disputation: Constant low-grade pain can take it out of anyone. The world is not going to come to an end if you delay things because you've been injured. And who says you have to do it alone anyway? Some of the problem is that you don't have enough information to go forward. That calls for making requests of others, not for blaming yourself. And when you're not leaning on yourself so hard, your positive thinking ability starts coming back and your mood lightens -- so maybe it would be smart to cut yourself some slack this week after letting folks know what is going on. You don't have to crawl under a rock -- you can reach out instead to restore your work life balance. And even if some work projects end up being passed on to others, there will always be other opportunities. Energization: I called and emailed colleagues to regroup. Not only did these conversations relieve my anxiety, they made simple next steps quite clear. In one case, my summary of a conversation ended up being exactly what our group needed to move forward. Who knew? I had been worried about making things happen on my own when all along my strength was in articulating and clarifying complex input from many sources. See how this works? I do strongly recommend the book as there are many more practices in it that address different aspects of overwhelm and ways to restore your work life balance. But if you struggle with hopelessness and challenge yourself to work through this one exercise on a regular basis (and if that means five or ten times a day, so be it), your positive thinking skills will grow and you WILL get relief. Remember -- don't measure change before it can happen -- keep doing the practices long enough for significant positive shifts to take root and grow.

         
    Work life balance is just good business

     

    It would be nice to think that the companies on the leading edge of work/life balance programs are simply being good citizens and doing the right thing! But, the fact is that these programs make good business sense. In addition to increased productivity and employee satisfaction, companies can retain valuable employees in a competitive environment, and attract new employees with these programs. Every generation in the workforce today reports that work and life balance is one of the top issues for them and that they want to work in a company that supports their desire to have more balance in their life. Whatever the reason for the movement, we should be glad it is upon us. Who are the companies with programs, what do the programs look like and what results have they achieved? You might be surprised to know that these companies cut across all industries in the private and the public sector. Here are some examples of program components: Elder care programs consisting of resources directories, counseling, elder care services and educational services Expanded telecommuting and ‘telework’ programs that allow employees to work from home or other locations Part-time and job sharing positions for employees come off disability or recovering from health problems, or for parents who wish to spend time at home with their children or with aging parents Fully accredited child care centers in or near the workplace Babies in the Workplace programs that allow a child to remain with a parent in the workplace until the age of six months or whenever the child starts to crawl. Alternative work schedules and FlexTime work schedules that allow employees to work hours other than 9:00 to 5:00 in order to better meet their personal needs Family Advocacy Programs held at lunch-time on managing personal finances, parenting, stress management, anger management and elder care issues. Outdoor recreation, walking paths and fitness equipment for employee use during and after work. Some companies even provide grills, row boats and other equipment for employee family use. Support groups for elder care, new fathers, holistic health, spousal abuse, single parents, adoptive parents, parents of teenagers parents of blended or merged families, caregivers, and grandparents raising grandchildren alone. Nursing Mother Rooms for breastfeeding moms Enforced scheduling and use of vacation and personal days to ensure that the employees takes time off from work Cross-training in positions to ensure coverage so that employees can take time off without the company suffering These are just some of the examples of programs in government agencies, hotels, banks, corporations and union environments around the country. Human Resource Management companies and universities study the effects of these programs and publish reports to support and encourage their growth. And the really dedicated companies keep finding new ways to encourage balance. In many cases, this effort still has to trickle down into the company. Older managers or those supervisors who feel they are being shortchanged on work may frown upon these initiatives and studies find that programs put in place without adequate manager and employee training rarely have the same impact as a program that includes communication via seminars, training, written manuals and frequent follow-up. If your company wants to start a work/life balance program, you can contact a consulting company that provides analysis and planning services to get you started, or you can look to some of the publications out there online or in written form for self-paced program implementation. Here are some links to get you started: simpleliving. net/timeday/links. asp wfnetwork. bc. edu/business. php workfamily/Open/ElevenStepsPage. asp workfamily/Vendors/WorkLifeVendors. asp A simple internet search will give you more options. Whether you are an employee, frustrated with overwork, a manager who wants to create a more supportive environment, or a company trying to get more information on these programs, the search is worthwhile. Work/Life Programs benefit the company by increasing productivity and focus on the job, reducing job turnover and increasing employee satisfaction. Employees will miss less time from work, because they will not be sick as often. Families will be more supportive of the employee’s job and company choice because they know the company supports the employee’s personal needs, and their efforts to sustain good health and to manage stress. If your company does not have a Work/Life Program in place, ask your manager about starting one. See if you can get a grass roots movement going! If you are in a position to influence the company’s decision or you have the power to decide on a Work/Life Program, don’t wait. Contrary to what you may think you won’t lose money or time on this program. Instead, your company will run better and you will find it easier to attract and retain good employees. You will get a lot of support and good press from your employees and your managers, alike - and your company may even end up in one of those University Case Studies. A role model for others to follow!

         
    Working and living are two different things don t blur them together

     

    When you're at home all the time, people have a way of giving you everything to do, with no regard for your job. It can be very hard indeed to keep your family life separate from your business when you work at home -- in fact, this is one of the most common reasons home businesses fail, and their owners come away all too glad to get back to the corporate grindstone. If you don't want to be driven away from home business, here's what you need to do to keep your family at bay. Work Time, Home Time. Make a schedule for when you're going to work and when you're not, and stick to it. This doesn't have to be inflexible -- it's very silly to only work nine to five every day, for example -- but it still really needs to be there. Without a plan, you're inevitably going to go too far one way or the other, and either work far too much or nowhere near enough. You might find it best to a new plan at the start of each month or week, so that you can still respond to changes in circumstances. Yes, I know it can be difficult to draw clear lines between family time and work time, especially if your family is around for some of the hours that you want to be working. The only thing I can say to you is that it's important to keep on trying, because the moment you give up everything's going to come crashing down. Whatever you do, don't let your family anywhere near your office space. Fit Errands Around Work. People will obviously be upset if you absolutely refuse to run their errands -- is it really so much trouble to run down to the bank when you're at home all day? -- but you can't let them take away hours from work. You should make your response automatic. When someone asks you to take an hour out of work to do something during the day, tell them that you'll have to make that hour up at the end of the day, so they shouldn't expect you out of the office until an hour later than usual. Don't Do Chores. It can be tempting to do the laundry or the dishes when there's a load of them to do and work seems slow, but don't give it to it during your working day. Chores eat up an amazing amount of time. One thing you can do to help resist the temptation is to wear better clothes than you usually would when you're working -- not a suit, but something business-casual that you wouldn't really be willing to wash dishes in. Have a Business Phone Line. You need a phone line that's just for business to let clients leave messages for you when you're not in the office. Say exactly that in the message: 'I'm not in the office right now, but please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you'. Whatever you do, don't be tempted to take business calls after-hours, or give out your personal number to business contacts -- this is a sure-fire way to never stop working. Turn off the ringer on your business phone when you leave the office for the day. With Children, All Bets are Off. If you have children at home during the day (if they haven't started school yet, or it's a school holiday), it can be very difficult to maintain a sensible work pattern. They will come and bother you at every opportunity, because they miss you and want to see you. They'll even cause trouble just to get you to sort it out. They wanted to come and bothered you at your office job too, you know, but they had no way of getting there. So what can you do when there are children in the house? After all, it's harsh to just ignore them, isn't it? The best answer I've found is to hire a babysitter, who can keep the kids entertained while you work. It could get expensive, but it shouldn't be for long, right?

         
    Working out your weight

     

    Many people believe that if they lift weights, or do those crunches, they will lose those lovehandles and have a tight, packed abs that they have been dreaming of. Which is why when those who have been religiously attending the gym didn

         
    Writing help and morning pages

     

    Copyright 2006 Mary Desaulniers Reading Julia Cameron’s "The Sound of Paper" is like revisiting an old friend. For more than fifteen years, her morning pages have been my daily writing help, the friend that coaxed me out of fear and inertia about putting words on paper and like the Nike slogan, urged me to “Just Do It!” Why is it so difficult to write? Writing is an activity removed from direct experience. Writers have often mourned the loss of words to describe an event and this is probably because rendering what happened in words involves a completely different set of neural motor skills. Freud in "Civilization and Its Discontent" sees writing as technology; both he claims act as “prosthetics” to the body, functioning as an appendage or addition. Even the word “prosthetics” is ambivalent, carrying both the negative connotation of loss or compensation and the positive sense of extension. After all, writing is a later development of the human brain and signals not only the beginning of recorded history but also the evolution of the highly specialized and compartmentalized intelligence in the prefrontal cortex. In "The Sound of Paper", Julia Cameron reiterates what she has so poignantly elaborated in her previous books—the creative self is buried so deep in our psyche, we have to develop ways to let it out. And morning pages, like solitary walks or runs, done consistently on a daily basis, form the “pivotal tool of a successful creative life (2).” The difficulty we experience in writing comes from the specialized voice in our head: “We write grudgingly and under half steam, resentfully and uphill. ‘Who cares ’and ‘This is stupid’ are our companion thoughts (25).” It is usual, when the inner voice is struggling to find a place in the outer world, that the censor places it under a scalpel. Without the writing help of morning pages, most voices remain unheard. The easiest form of writing is the trade school type that disseminates information. The writing that engages our authentic being, our fears and passions is the most difficult to execute. It demands a different kind of writing help-- rigorous and open self-acceptance, a visceral catharsis of our “self” on paper and unless we have built a conduit of safe passage for this inner voice, the water can be treacherous indeed. Many writers have been drowned by voiceless inundation. The morning pages , like the daily walk or run, is a means to engage this voice. Writing first thing in the morning allows you to evade the censor. “Spilling out of bed onto the page” (as Julia Cameron puts it) helps the writing self side-track the critic. The repetitive nature of the morning pages assures your psyche safe passage on your journey. Securely ensconced in a routine, it will spill its guts out—and that’s what you want. Without this spillage, the daytime writing that you do will never quite have that ring of authenticity that is the mark of a writer who has made the plunge into her instinctual being. Because these morning pages are not meant for public scrutiny, they are your means of internal housekeeping, letting the little woman (or man) have her say about things in the house. And the more she is allowed her say, the stronger your trust in your gut instinct and the more resilient you are to the opinion of others. It’s like building a set of muscles with running. On most days, I do not feel like running. But what I have found is that the simple act of lacing my running shoes, getting out into the pavement or treadmill, beginning the motion of running will trigger a visceral engagement that changes the entire experience. More often than not, my best runs have been on days when I least wanted to run. Had I listened to my head, I would have missed a fabulous engagement with my legs. The head seems always at odds with the body and writing help that works with the body somehow straightens out the head. Both morning pages and running take time, but as with everything else, an investment of time and effort is in order for the miraculous to take place. We expect miracles to fall from the skies, part of our belief that we should be getting something for nothing. This sense of entitlement is the one of the most debilitating myths of the self help industry. Ask and it will be given--yes—but we must also do our share of moving in the right direction. Writing help like morning pages takes no more than twenty minutes; you are spilling your guts onto the page, not deliberately crafting words. Running or walking can take up forty minutes or more. Is it too much to ask for an hour a day to invest in physical and psychical musculature?

         
     
         
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